True Porn Clerk Stories - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Shokan · 08-26-2003, 05:03 AM

http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/tpcs1.php

Too many words to copy and paste here. Some of them are really funny. Enjoy.

hfw01 · 08-26-2003, 05:16 AM

Now that was funny!!!

rsl12 · 08-26-2003, 05:59 AM

interesting shokan--thank god for internet porn.

johnnymysto · 08-26-2003, 06:03 AM

I've seen these before, and they're funny and insightful. I couldn't imagine having that job, knowing the people and *substances* you would encounter.

etla · 08-26-2003, 06:15 AM

Funny and just a little sad. All in all it doesn't seem much worse than any other souless minimum wage job like convience store clerk or janitor.
--
Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation

Gortexfogg · 08-26-2003, 06:40 AM

Funny stuff. That's one job I'd like to steer clear of.

zenmaster10665 · 08-26-2003, 07:03 AM

hilarious....should be a movie

AL9045 · 08-26-2003, 10:28 AM

Interesting and amusing at the same time.

.

Holo · 08-26-2003, 10:35 AM

Here's my page about my 2 year career as a porn store worker. It's really shitty quality as I knew jack about HTML then, but it's readable. I hated this job's customers with a passion so much of the dialogue is negative. I haven't changed it so I would remember why I left.

There are no ads making me money so it's not spam on my end.

http://www.darksites.com/souls/goth/psd1/index.htm

Cynthetiq · 08-26-2003, 11:17 AM

haven't read this in a long time...

juanvaldes · 08-26-2003, 12:19 PM

great stories Holo

BIG-UNS · 08-26-2003, 12:54 PM

Weird stories - couldn't deal with those folks every day

Kaos · 08-26-2003, 02:35 PM

I' ve seen that website before and read through it over a few days. Funny stuff

Buk · 08-26-2003, 02:39 PM

I still have that site bookmarked after reading it a year or 2 ago. Pretty funny and sobering stuff in there, really makes you think about how weird some people are and their hangups.

Hrothgar · 08-26-2003, 05:03 PM

Feel sorry for the clerks who need money that desperately to put up with weirdos and sexual deviants on a daily basis.

HeyAgain · 08-26-2003, 06:20 PM

The best story from Shokan's link was Mr. Tint and his "Who's Your Daddy" line.

"He called back: "Who's your daddy?" I hung up again. I mentioned to the other clerks on duty that I'd just fielded two prank calls from the same idiot and when I told them what he'd said they almost strangled me with the phone cord. Apparently that was Mr. Tint's way of saying hello. Once you correctly identified him as your daddy, he'd bring by food.

Lots of food. Enough for everybody to eat dinner and then some."

Eon Blue · 08-26-2003, 10:29 PM

Mr. Pig, haha that stuffs gold.

sambocom · 08-27-2003, 01:02 AM

saw this posted on fark.com a few months ago...hillarious

Aaron0000 · 08-27-2003, 01:06 AM

that was worth a click

legolas · 08-27-2003, 09:17 AM

Hahahaha, that was great. Too much to read now but it's on favs.

bermuDa · 08-27-2003, 03:39 PM

over the past few days I read all four pages. She's quite a talented writer (and definitely wasn't lacking in interesting subject matter), and I'd be happy to read more of her work

and I have a few video clerk friends... they say the splooge-on-the-tape thing is unbelievably common.

Cobalt_60 · 08-27-2003, 07:38 PM

That was some good reading.

Raw Kuts · 08-27-2003, 08:28 PM

How would you get splooge on the tape. You would have to put it in, start whackin, and then right before you blow, you eject the tape and spew on it.

Unless you meant on the covers, that makes sense.

numberfive · 08-27-2003, 09:39 PM

Nah. You spooge on your hand and then take out the tape before cleaning up. Pretty damn nasty if you ask me.

AnUnkind · 08-27-2003, 10:02 PM

These are some good reads man.

telekinetic2 · 08-28-2003, 03:33 AM

Yay Ali! I'd read TPCS every day (and still have it as one of my few 'link' buttons) since she had just started page 2. Was so sad when she quit....now I read Trials of Chastity on the same message board.

HamiC · 08-28-2003, 03:45 AM

Fascinating........particularly the 'polite fiction' theory.

Vyk · 08-28-2003, 08:22 AM

pretty darn funny. thanks for sharing that. She's a good writer.

Penguin · 08-28-2003, 11:59 AM

very entertaining and well written.

thanks for posting it.

RippedSock1 · 08-28-2003, 12:40 PM

Good stuff. I don't think I'd ever get into that business though... as good as porn is.

hobo · 08-28-2003, 01:59 PM

Good stuff, funny.

Raw Kuts · 08-28-2003, 02:00 PM

poor guy...

Quote:

He had snaked his right arm up underneath his coat and it was moving rhythmically.-snip-

PUT IT AWAY AND GET OUT!

He dropped the box he'd been holding and whipped around, eyes huge with astonishment.

He had been scratching his stomach.

cetacean · 08-28-2003, 06:48 PM

That job really sucks.

telekinetic2 · 08-28-2003, 06:58 PM

Yes!!! I think CONSTANTLY of the topic of 'polite fiction'...like, my parents know I drink on weekends (I'm 20) but they don't ask and I don't say, and we both pretend that none of the parties I go to have alcohol...it's just easier that way.

holtmate · 08-28-2003, 08:01 PM

Very entertaining, and suprisingly well-written for what it is. Great find!!

Frozen North · 08-28-2003, 10:00 PM

Very funny stories, thanks for the link!

Speed_Gibson · 08-28-2003, 10:52 PM

gives me new appreciation for my job - much more physical but I would prefer working with developmentally disabled people over over that kind of retail CU anyday

Sledge · 08-28-2003, 11:12 PM

That's a great site. It's too bad she stopped writing. She's a phenomenal writer.

Battlefield · 08-29-2003, 08:49 PM

interesting and funny, although the author sounds like a guy!

obelix · 08-30-2003, 09:59 AM

hahahhaha gold

08-26-2003, 05:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
Shokan Addict Location: Canada	True Porn Clerk Stories http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/tpcs1.php Too many words to copy and paste here. Some of them are really funny. Enjoy. __________________ Legalize it.

08-26-2003, 05:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
rsl12 On the lam Location: northern va	interesting shokan--thank god for internet porn. __________________ oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.

08-26-2003, 06:03 AM	#4 (permalink)
johnnymysto Overreactor Location: South Ca'lina	I've seen these before, and they're funny and insightful. I couldn't imagine having that job, knowing the people and substances you would encounter. __________________ "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." - Capt. Barbossa

08-26-2003, 06:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
etla Junkie Location: Canada eh?	Funny and just a little sad. All in all it doesn't seem much worse than any other souless minimum wage job like convience store clerk or janitor. -- Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation __________________ Subvert the Dominant Paradigm

08-26-2003, 07:03 AM	#7 (permalink)
zenmaster10665 Bokonist Location: Location, Location, Location...	hilarious....should be a movie __________________ "Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." -Kurt Vonnegut

08-26-2003, 05:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
hfw01 Tilted Location: Mandeville, LA	Now that was funny!!!

08-26-2003, 06:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
Gortexfogg I and I Location: Stillwater, OK	Funny stuff. That's one job I'd like to steer clear of.

08-26-2003, 10:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
AL9045 Addict Location: Virginia	Interesting and amusing at the same time. .

08-26-2003, 10:35 AM	#9 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	Here's my page about my 2 year career as a porn store worker. It's really shitty quality as I knew jack about HTML then, but it's readable. I hated this job's customers with a passion so much of the dialogue is negative. I haven't changed it so I would remember why I left. There are no ads making me money so it's not spam on my end. http://www.darksites.com/souls/goth/psd1/index.htm __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

08-26-2003, 11:17 AM	#10 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	haven't read this in a long time... __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

08-26-2003, 12:19 PM	#11 (permalink)
juanvaldes Banned Location: shittown, CA	great stories Holo

08-26-2003, 12:54 PM	#12 (permalink)
BIG-UNS Psycho Location: New Orleans	Weird stories - couldn't deal with those folks every day

08-26-2003, 02:35 PM	#13 (permalink)
Kaos Ssssssssss Location: Ontario	I' ve seen that website before and read through it over a few days. Funny stuff

08-26-2003, 02:39 PM	#14 (permalink)
Buk Addict Location: Seattle, WA	I still have that site bookmarked after reading it a year or 2 ago. Pretty funny and sobering stuff in there, really makes you think about how weird some people are and their hangups.

08-26-2003, 05:03 PM	#15 (permalink)
Hrothgar He's My Girl Location: The Champagne Douche	Feel sorry for the clerks who need money that desperately to put up with weirdos and sexual deviants on a daily basis. __________________ The fortunes of war favored Hrothgar.

08-27-2003, 10:02 PM	#25 (permalink)
AnUnkind Crazy Location: INCONUS	These are some good reads man. __________________ yeah, you SHOULD feel stupid....

08-28-2003, 01:59 PM	#31 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	Good stuff, funny.

08-26-2003, 06:20 PM	#16 (permalink)
HeyAgain Psycho	The best story from Shokan's link was Mr. Tint and his "Who's Your Daddy" line. "He called back: "Who's your daddy?" I hung up again. I mentioned to the other clerks on duty that I'd just fielded two prank calls from the same idiot and when I told them what he'd said they almost strangled me with the phone cord. Apparently that was Mr. Tint's way of saying hello. Once you correctly identified him as your daddy, he'd bring by food. Lots of food. Enough for everybody to eat dinner and then some."

08-26-2003, 10:29 PM	#17 (permalink)
Eon Blue Upright	Mr. Pig, haha that stuffs gold.

08-27-2003, 01:02 AM	#18 (permalink)
sambocom Tilted Location: Sunny California	saw this posted on fark.com a few months ago...hillarious

08-27-2003, 01:06 AM	#19 (permalink)
Aaron0000 Crazy Location: CA	that was worth a click

08-27-2003, 09:17 AM	#20 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	Hahahaha, that was great. Too much to read now but it's on favs. __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

08-27-2003, 03:39 PM	#21 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	over the past few days I read all four pages. She's quite a talented writer (and definitely wasn't lacking in interesting subject matter), and I'd be happy to read more of her work and I have a few video clerk friends... they say the splooge-on-the-tape thing is unbelievably common. __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

08-27-2003, 07:38 PM	#22 (permalink)
Cobalt_60 Addict	That was some good reading.

08-27-2003, 08:28 PM	#23 (permalink)
Raw Kuts Insane Location: San Diego, CA	How would you get splooge on the tape. You would have to put it in, start whackin, and then right before you blow, you eject the tape and spew on it. Unless you meant on the covers, that makes sense. __________________ ( o< --!"Take that bass out you're voice, you talk to me in treble." / / \ \/_/_ -->Mos Def

08-27-2003, 09:39 PM	#24 (permalink)
numberfive You + Me = Us Location: California dreaming...	Nah. You spooge on your hand and then take out the tape before cleaning up. Pretty damn nasty if you ask me. __________________ P.S. Always remember: to forget is a form of suicide. (If I could only remember to forget myself.)

08-28-2003, 03:33 AM	#26 (permalink)
telekinetic2 Loser	Yay Ali! I'd read TPCS every day (and still have it as one of my few 'link' buttons) since she had just started page 2. Was so sad when she quit....now I read Trials of Chastity on the same message board.

08-28-2003, 03:45 AM	#27 (permalink)
HamiC Insane Location: USA	Fascinating........particularly the 'polite fiction' theory.

08-28-2003, 08:22 AM	#28 (permalink)
Vyk Insane Location: Dayton, Ohio	pretty darn funny. thanks for sharing that. She's a good writer. __________________ "Courage of the heart is very rare"

08-28-2003, 11:59 AM	#29 (permalink)
Penguin Upright Location: Australia	very entertaining and well written. thanks for posting it. __________________ I'm a sex object. I say sex and women object.

08-28-2003, 12:40 PM	#30 (permalink)
RippedSock1 Tilted	Good stuff. I don't think I'd ever get into that business though... as good as porn is.

08-28-2003, 06:48 PM	#33 (permalink)
cetacean Insane Location: New York, NY	That job really sucks.

08-28-2003, 06:58 PM	#34 (permalink)
telekinetic2 Loser	Yes!!! I think CONSTANTLY of the topic of 'polite fiction'...like, my parents know I drink on weekends (I'm 20) but they don't ask and I don't say, and we both pretend that none of the parties I go to have alcohol...it's just easier that way.

08-28-2003, 08:01 PM	#35 (permalink)
holtmate Flailing White Boy Location: Cincinnati	Very entertaining, and suprisingly well-written for what it is. Great find!! __________________ "Give her your coat" "Why me?" "Because you're perfect." "You have a point there."

08-28-2003, 10:00 PM	#36 (permalink)
Frozen North Insane Location: Alaska	Very funny stories, thanks for the link!

08-28-2003, 10:52 PM	#37 (permalink)
Speed_Gibson Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Location: right here of course	gives me new appreciation for my job - much more physical but I would prefer working with developmentally disabled people over over that kind of retail CU anyday

08-28-2003, 11:12 PM	#38 (permalink)
Sledge Pasture Bedtime	That's a great site. It's too bad she stopped writing. She's a phenomenal writer.