bluearmy

I went to a wedding on Saturday and had way to much to drink. The result was me pulling a bird that I would have crossed the road to avoid had I been sober. This moose now thinks that I want to go out with her, while my friends try to encourage her because its great fun to watch me squirm.

I have done many daft things when drinking and that was just the latest. What sordid tales do you have involving the demon drink?

Cynthetiq

none that involved women... which is why I was celibate during my hardcore drinking days....they got naked, and I'd leave the premises almost as a pavlovian action.

only thing that I did with someone once was try to walk thru a closed, locked church with a friend because he said it was a shortcut to his apartment.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

twotimesadingo

Got blitzed and thought it would be a good idea to serenade three ricidulously good-looking women a la "Top Gun"...

"You've lost that loving feeling,
Woah that lovin feelin...!"

My friends harassed me for weeks.
The women liked it, though ;D

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I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
- A Perfect Circle

troit

Too many alcohol related stories and the maximum limit for a message is 50000 charaters. Your best bet -- buy the book!

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I've yet to dephile myself...

World's King

I have kind of the same thread going. Check it out.


Drinkers Den

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

mortius

Lol, Hmm where to start.

I've done many a stupid thing on the demon drink.

1) Cost myself 3K bucks by trying to punch someone through a car window. Safety glass can be a bitch btw as it doesn't tend to break very easy, did I learn from this? Sure as hell did, next time I'll ask them to roll down the window.

2) Meant to pretend I was throwing a friends work cell phone away and let go by mistake, phone was ruined.

3) Various nights where I can't remember a thing and have to phone a friend to find out what I got up to.

4) The biggie and worst,

3 of us went to some bars, got pretty loaded on beer and shots, we then went to a strip club (so I'm told), we got even more loaded.

One stripper went up to my friend and handed him a few items and said, "I think your friend needs this more then I do". Turns out I got a lap dance and paid for it in pocket change (about 2 bucks) and a wallmarts recept (yeah that's bad but it gets worse), I then passed out on one of the chairs, woke up (sort of), removed my shoes and shirt, bumped into just about everyone and everything on the way to the bar, pushed everything on the bar onto the floor (glasses included), tried to climb up onto the bar to go to sleep (we worked out that from where I went bumping into things/people was a direct path from my living room to my bedroom). Yep, I was sleep walking in the bar and thought the bar was my bed.

And yes they did kick us out but it was closing time almost anyway.

There's more to that story but I'll leave it there

I've stopped drinking so much now, but now and then I have a bad night.

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What's Your Addiction?

Slims

Drank a bottle of gin, and walked home.

Along the way, I walked up to a bunch of police officers and said "Excuse me, I am really too drunk to be walking, would you give me a ride home?"

I have other stories, but none come to mind right now.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

tikki

I have strong convictions against drinking, but I have stories of others to tell.

A friend drinks a fifth of something or other, and calls up this chick. "Lindsey, " he says, "If you come over right now, I promise I won't have sex with you!"

So, she comes over and he is all over her. She doesn't really know what to think, so she decides to leave. On her way out, he gives her a nice slap on the ass.

The next day, he has no idea what happened

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Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

butthead

I took alcohol and then had wonderful, fleeting visions of how my life would be if I were to motivate myself better. When I closed my eyes I sensed beautifully wild, 60's era colors swirling about while transparent geometric shapes bobbed and swayed to the music I was listening to.

Ashton

crow_daw

In my junior year in high school, I got totally wasted on vodka, and started saying how badly I wanted to kick a friend of mine's ass. And then I started saying how awesome I would be at wide receiver for our football team(I was a guard). I started saying "LOOK AT THESE HANDS, HOW COULD THEY NOT PUT ME AT WIDEOUT?!?!?!"

I also referred to my friend Chaston as "Cody", and my friend Nathan as "Tyler".

They gave me hell over that night forever.

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"We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

m0ntyblack

I tried to break into a friends of mine house by climbing onto the roof....all his neighbors came out to watch me, and while trying to break the window, I slipped and fell 2 stories to the cement below. Hurt my tailbone, but that was the only damage


MB

Nhanced1

Two stories and all you hurt was your tailbone? Had I fallen like that, Id have a broken back man. Rubber man, I salute you. If that would have happened to me, I would have bought a lottery ticket on the spot. cant let that luck get away from ya once youve got it.

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"Sell Crazy Somewhere Else, We're All Stocked Up Here," Jack Nicholson - As Good As It Gets

yoshi

I had my bout with too much in one night. My husband and I went to a party, I was drinking red wine. Didn't realize how much I had until I wanted to take my shirt off in front of people I didn't know. My husband said it was time to go. Starting puking on the drive home, at intersections, red lights, Kroger parking lot. Needless to say, he took care of me that night. The kicker was, the next day we had a couples shower to go to for us! This was before we got married. I had to meet so many people with a hangover--------NOT GOOD!!!

Memalvada

I dont have a story of my own to tell, but my cousin drank so much, his pulse stopped for a couple of minutes...

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"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

bundy

i know a certain TFPer who drank so much a few years ago that he was named the KING of LIQUOR LAND...

i´ll leave it to him to tell the longer tale, but then again, i seriously doubt he can remember.

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Ohayo!!!

Gebbinn

Last night I came in at Two with a Ten, but at Ten I woke up with a Two

I aint never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I sure as hell woke up with a few.

Nuff Said

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There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand Binary and those who dont.
I aim to please.. to bad for you I am a horrible shot.
Every time you open your mouth, stupid comes out.

gar1976

When I drink too much, I hand out doritos.

Speaking of which, cool ranch or regular?

Gorgo

Pulling a bird? Lemme guess ... slang for sleeping with the girl while too drunk to remember her name.

I fell for that particular follie myself, she wasn't fat, just ugly.
Being a cad in my younger years, I used the old "not ready for a relationship" crap.

Another young, drunk and stupid stunt was showing off for a girl I liked by doing a karate kick above my head, fell on my ass and hurt my tailbone, didn't get the girl

That's exactly why I don't go out to bars and drink anymore, the results were getting scary.

ARTelevision

I got drunk once in HS and once in College.
That's it. I don't like how it makes me feel.
Since then, I am done with it.

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create evolution

Frowning Budah

I'll tell this story on my wife. Took her to a nice restaurant and she was drinking these exotic drinks in ceramic coconuts. You know the kind. Well she got pretty looped. She couldn't get the meat out of the crab claws so she started banging them on the table. They had this little fish pond and she managed to slip in it. On the way home, while stopped at a light, she challenged a State Patrol officer to a drag race. Fortunately she wasn't driving and he didn't push the issue. She laughed for abt 3 hours solid then cried for another 3.

MacGnG

im kinda drunk now.

first time i got drunk i passed out in my dorm room and puked on the floor it wasnt good but i learned

QuasiMojo

Alchohol.


*groans******

Never mix wine and women.

wine and A woman well, that may be all right.

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AzAbOv ZoBeLoE

laxative

We took a VW camper to a keg party. I got drunk and passed out in the van. My buddy went to sleep in the other bed later, but first he took a big shit outside the van's sliding door. I woke up sometime during the night, rolled out the door into the grass and rolled around and threw up for a while. Then I climbed back in the van and went back to sleep. When I woke up there was shit everywhere - caked in my hair, on the curtains in the van, all over my clothes. I broke his nose.

I have a million more but that's the grossest.

bullgoose

I came of age in the '60's. I was 21 in 1968, married, a father, and in the military. Of course, I had been using alcohol for about six years at that point; everybody did then. In the intervening 25 years, I drank a lot; some of the toots I went on are too unbelievable to relate, but I continued until 1990. I got a DWI on December 28, 1990; I haven't had a drink since then. For various reasons, getting that ticket made me realize what an asshole I was; it isn't pretty when you figure out that the cool guy you thought you were is really an alcoholic shit that people want to avoid at all costs. I don't think that drinking is bad, but certian people (like me) can't do it. I'm not anti-alcohol; I think that some of the laws that have been passed in the last few years are way too restrictive, but booze is subtle; you may think you're in control, but you're not.

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"If I had it to do all over,
I'd do it all over you."

Jaron

I sure as hell know that I'm not in control.

Two major instances that I can remember.

The first one, I went to a friend's birthday. Now... I'd had about a dozen bottles of beer and half a dozen coolers by the time I started drinking bargain scotch. This was in High School, so I started drinking in the art room (when the teacher was gone). Well... we went over to meet my friend, and what basically happened was that I'd finished a bottle and a half of whiskey after the beer/coolers. So I sat down on a flight of stairs, leading down to a beach, and... well... I woke up in my dad's car. They've told me about ONE incident, the entire time (about six hours where I was puking my guts out, spasming and pale). I woke up, looked up at a friend, flipped him off, said "Fuck you, Lassie" and passed out again.

The second time, I was about to fight. Had one toke on a random guy's joint, looked over to the guy I was gonna' punch, raised my fist, and everything sorta' went into slow motion. It was like, "Oh shit... I'm falling over now." Well... I'd taken off my shirt, so I wouldn't get blood on it, and it was lying off to the side. It had a bullet of hash in it, so... in any case, my friend lost all of HIS drugs. Oh well. Shit happens.

theguyondacouch

i don't drink. I'm Irish catholic and drink like such, so I don't drink.

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"Lick my frozen metal ass!"

Diceman

I've slept with various women I shouldn't have & thrown up in various places that I shouldn't have (though thankfully not at the same time).
Though I've never, ever done anything as bad as a one guy I work with - he got extremely drunk at an after work party and somehow staggered back to the office once the party was over. He was found at 6am the next day by the office cleaner, sleeping on the floor, completely naked and covered in shit and piss.

He left the company about a month later.

Sleepyjack

somtimes when you do get really shitfaced, it is all about escaping reality for a breif moment, so i'd like to think all the "wrong" or "misguided" things i have done whilst drunk, actually didn't really happen. Although, such isn't the case
Too many times have i have got an ugly or uninteresting person involved with myself, under these circumstances. Yet i still sometimes do it... i'll never learn

aedenji

Never really do too many stupid thing when i am drunk. Just the usual "kiss a girl that I really shouldn't" type stuff

phatman

-urinating in front of a restaurant with a BIG glass window out front. It was 3pm, i dont think the lunch crowd like it.
-stripped to my boxers and lit my crotch on fire with some aquanet.
-Same party as the fire, rode a mountain bike naked down a hill, into a major road.
-Played golf off of the roof of a row-home in philadelphia . . . until my friend put a ball through the window of a cop car.

the list grows by the minute.

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You dont get this fat from eating fucking ramen.