A new favorite: 'There's a deep fly ball...Winfield goes back...back...his head hits the wall...and it rolls off...and it's rolling all the way back to second base. This is a terrible thing for the Padres'! - Jerry Coleman

i like...

"The quick pain of truth can pass away, but the slow, eating agony of a lie is never lost." - anon

You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved. - Jerry Seinfeld

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away! - Jerry Seinfeld

oh and also

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

One night in 1879 at a bar in a town called Menlo Park, NJ, some men were drinking beer, when suddenly one of them announced that he was going to invent an electric light. The others laughed, but that man got up, put on his coat and hat, and accidentally walked into the fireplace, thereby setting his coat on fire. This gave Thomas Edison, who was at another table drinking coffee, the idea of using carbonized cotton as the filament in his light bulb. So we see that beer, if used correctly, can be a tremendous force for good.
- Dave Barry

I'm a sex object. I say sex and women object

those who are satisfied with today's status-quo are tomorrows unemployed.... me

"its always darkest just before it goes pitch black" - demotivators

"violence is never the answer, but its usualy a good guess" -my wrestling coach from HS

"Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity' - Horace Mann

Best insult I ever heard:
"If ignorance were cornflakes, you'd be General Mills." - Cecil Adams

Also:
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -Voltaire

"The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced." - Frank Zappa

"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear." - Thomas Jefferson

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither." - Ben Franklin

"There's not one wise man among twenty will praise himself." -William Shakespeare

From the Shawshank Redemption..

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just to bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoince. Still, the place that you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone."

Also, check out my signature for my favorite quote from "Field of Dreams"

This may be the most difficult thing to decide upon since I asked my wife to mary me.

A few of my favorites are:

JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED. – MATTHEW 7:1

WHEN ANGRY, COUNT FOUR; WHEN VERY ANGRY, SWEAR. – MARK TWAIN

THE SENSE OF HONOR IS OF SO FINE A DELICATE A NATURE THAT IT IS ONLY TO BE MET IN MINDS WHICH ARE NATURALLY NOBLE OR IN SUCH AS HAVE BEEN CULTIVATED BY GOOD EXAMPLE OR A REFINED EDUCATION. – ADDISON

I KNOW ONLY THAT WHAT IS MORAL IS WHAT YOU FEEL GOOD AFTER AND WHAT IS IMMORAL IS WHAT YOU FEEL BAD AFTER. – ERNEST HEMMINGWAY

OVER THE PIANO WAS PRINTED A NOTICE: PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT THE PIANIST. HE IS DOING HIS BEST. – OSCAR WILDE

CANDY IS DANDY, BUT LIQUOR IS QUICKER. – OGDEN NASH

I could go on......