Should we just continue texting instead of talking?? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

chelle21689 · 03-07-2011, 10:06 AM

I've met a guy through a mutual friend and we've been texting for two weeks and hanging out. We hung out three times already. Anyways, I had a sore throat and lost my voice (for the longest time!) and I finally got it back so I called him instead of texted. I remember him telling me he doesn't mind texting at all but he also likes talking on the phone.

First phone call was awkward and forced! I was so disappointed. We threw a bunch of random topics to try to keep it rolling and bounced around as if we couldn't stick to one topic. =\

I think I want to go back to texting now LMAO...it's so much easier. I mean, we text back and forth every second for a few hours every night! If we can do that then why can't we have a phone conversation? I feel like it's also easier to be less shy...cuz he's more flirty (me too) and make sillier jokes... but in person and on the phone it's a different level.

I really like his personality but it is making me sad that we can't talk! Maybe some relationships are better with texting? lol =\

WhoaitsZ · 03-07-2011, 08:14 PM

uuuhhhhhhhh

Well. Firstly, one bad phone call should not mean doom to a friendship or romance. Try again.

Secondly, text is very dry... Some of the most profound things I shared with my wife was done via text. That said, humanity needs some kind of link.

good luck.

raging moderate · 03-07-2011, 08:18 PM

I personally think you should quit the texting and the calling and just go see the person. I'm a little old-fashioned about these things, but I think that one-on-one in-person contact is the best way to get to know one another. If you really can't sit in a room together, be it at a restaurant, bar, bowling alley, whatever, and not have a face-to-face conversation without involving text messages, then you're probably not going to work out anyway. Texting should augment a relationship/dialogue, not sustain it.

Shauk · 03-08-2011, 03:37 AM

I prefer texting because I'm usually talking to more than one person at a time and multitask my conversations.

Talking becomes easier once the ice is broken. I have to "get in touch" with my friends all over again every time I meet them/hang out cuz in today's society, it can be months before we get a free moment to share the same oxygen space...

genuinegirly · 03-08-2011, 03:58 AM

Stop text-ing and start talking. It may be awkward at first, but it will be better for you overall.

Phone skills are just plain good to have. Being able to speak over the phone to clients in the workplace and communicating with people who simply don't text are real-life adult situations that you will face, if you haven't already. One way to develop these skills is to communicate every time in the most all-encompassing way possible. Face-to-face talk is better than skype/videochat, which is better than a phone call, which in turn is worlds more advanced than text.

I'm honestly leaning toward advising you to drop texts all-together, due to the words you have shared with us here. You admit that you are Completely lacking a very basic social skill - the ability to carry a conversation with a friend. Rather than ignoring this apparent weakness, now that it has been brought to your attention you should do your best to counter the trend and improve yourself.

Plan9 · 03-08-2011, 04:15 AM

*cranky old fogey commentary about how society has turned into a bunch of people sitting across from each other who communicate using electronic devices*

/fuck that noise

mixedmedia · 03-08-2011, 05:03 AM

talking to people is awkward sometimes. it should feel awkward. it's putting yourself out there in real time.

the confidence you feel while texting him is illusory. comforting maybe, but not real.

Over time you will feel more comfortable talking with him on the phone. This is the way relationships are built. If you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for your country.

Zeraph · 03-08-2011, 10:54 AM

MM makes a good point.

My advice is to meet in person as much as possible.

PS I understand about the phone. I *hate* talking on the phone, even with long time friends. Unless there's something specific to talk about, I really dislike it. So I understand why you like texting, I've done the same with some girls. Best bet is too meet though, or eventually you'll fade away.

I've gone on looong texting/email sprees with particular girls and eventually, trust me, one party or the other will get sick of it and lose interest.

KirStang · 03-08-2011, 01:03 PM

As you get more familiar with the person, talking on the phone will be easier. You won't always have a ton of things to talk about, and conversations won't always be mind-blowingly good. Indeed, occasionally they can be downright boring, especially if either one of you is busy or preoccupied.

With my current girlfriend, the first time on Skype we just stared at each other and grinned for about an hour, instead of saying anything. Fast forward 3 months, and it's easy to ask her how her day was, or what project she's working on.

In short, get over it, and it will get easier with time.

EventHorizon · 03-09-2011, 06:44 PM

texting is cool when you have something short and matter-of-fact that you want to tell someone like the time of a meeting or whatever, but if you're texting for more than 20 minutes with that person, its time to make their phone ring

03-07-2011, 10:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Should we just continue texting instead of talking?? I've met a guy through a mutual friend and we've been texting for two weeks and hanging out. We hung out three times already. Anyways, I had a sore throat and lost my voice (for the longest time!) and I finally got it back so I called him instead of texted. I remember him telling me he doesn't mind texting at all but he also likes talking on the phone. First phone call was awkward and forced! I was so disappointed. We threw a bunch of random topics to try to keep it rolling and bounced around as if we couldn't stick to one topic. =\ I think I want to go back to texting now LMAO...it's so much easier. I mean, we text back and forth every second for a few hours every night! If we can do that then why can't we have a phone conversation? I feel like it's also easier to be less shy...cuz he's more flirty (me too) and make sillier jokes... but in person and on the phone it's a different level. I really like his personality but it is making me sad that we can't talk! Maybe some relationships are better with texting? lol =\

03-07-2011, 08:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
raging moderate Insane Location: Whatever house my keys can get me into	I personally think you should quit the texting and the calling and just go see the person. I'm a little old-fashioned about these things, but I think that one-on-one in-person contact is the best way to get to know one another. If you really can't sit in a room together, be it at a restaurant, bar, bowling alley, whatever, and not have a face-to-face conversation without involving text messages, then you're probably not going to work out anyway. Texting should augment a relationship/dialogue, not sustain it. __________________ These are the good old days... formerly Murp0434

03-08-2011, 03:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Stop text-ing and start talking. It may be awkward at first, but it will be better for you overall. Phone skills are just plain good to have. Being able to speak over the phone to clients in the workplace and communicating with people who simply don't text are real-life adult situations that you will face, if you haven't already. One way to develop these skills is to communicate every time in the most all-encompassing way possible. Face-to-face talk is better than skype/videochat, which is better than a phone call, which in turn is worlds more advanced than text. I'm honestly leaning toward advising you to drop texts all-together, due to the words you have shared with us here. You admit that you are Completely lacking a very basic social skill - the ability to carry a conversation with a friend. Rather than ignoring this apparent weakness, now that it has been brought to your attention you should do your best to counter the trend and improve yourself. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

03-08-2011, 04:15 AM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	cranky old fogey commentary about how society has turned into a bunch of people sitting across from each other who communicate using electronic devices /fuck that noise __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

03-08-2011, 05:03 AM	#7 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	talking to people is awkward sometimes. it should feel awkward. it's putting yourself out there in real time. the confidence you feel while texting him is illusory. comforting maybe, but not real. Over time you will feel more comfortable talking with him on the phone. This is the way relationships are built. If you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for your country. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

03-07-2011, 08:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
WhoaitsZ Crazy Location: right behind you...	uuuhhhhhhhh Well. Firstly, one bad phone call should not mean doom to a friendship or romance. Try again. Secondly, text is very dry... Some of the most profound things I shared with my wife was done via text. That said, humanity needs some kind of link. good luck.

03-08-2011, 03:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	I prefer texting because I'm usually talking to more than one person at a time and multitask my conversations. Talking becomes easier once the ice is broken. I have to "get in touch" with my friends all over again every time I meet them/hang out cuz in today's society, it can be months before we get a free moment to share the same oxygen space...

03-08-2011, 10:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	MM makes a good point. My advice is to meet in person as much as possible. PS I understand about the phone. I hate talking on the phone, even with long time friends. Unless there's something specific to talk about, I really dislike it. So I understand why you like texting, I've done the same with some girls. Best bet is too meet though, or eventually you'll fade away. I've gone on looong texting/email sprees with particular girls and eventually, trust me, one party or the other will get sick of it and lose interest. Last edited by Zeraph; 03-08-2011 at 11:20 AM..