What do you do to new members?
 

I see quite many new members introducing themselves, but later posting less or not at all.

Do you eat them or sacrifice to some forum Gods?

They wander into Tilted Politics and see a promising thread on Planned Parenthood turn into another Rule #9/11 (GWoT tirade) in less than 20 posts and quickly and quietly leave TFP forever to hit up SomethingAwful or Reddit. I mean, that's just my dumb guess but you gotta admit it makes some sense.

Sheeeit, I'd entertain leaving if there was an easy way to erase all my posts here.

...

And speaking for the Jazz (since this angle never ceases to amuse me):

I'd imagine a few newbies show up thinking there is some amateur porn board and are disappointed that Nekkid Tilted Users doesn't actually exist.

We can't force anyone to post. Even if we couldn't, we wouldn't. A lot of folks register, introduce themselves and never come back.

Do you validate parking?

I give them noogies and underwear wedgies. I'm sorry. The lack of posting has been all my fault.

Then there are those that we can't get to shut the hell up.

Bagatelle,

No, seriously... this is something we're all kinda wondering and want to work on improving. The community has had this discussion before in our annual angsty TFP Nut Up or Shut Up identity crisis thread. Attracting new members is of utmost concern for the community because new raw materials make for such a better discussion forum. TFP's goal is to attract mature adults of all ages and occupations and background. We want wacky hobbies and funny fetishes and cool stories. I can't say why new people show up and leave but many of us "Active Users" have really tried to encourage new members to latch on and suck this magical teat for all its worth. Recent example? Where the hell is CDWonderful's crazy girlfriend? She posted like umpty-million good comments and then disappeared off the radar like a sex-crazed Amelia Earhart. People come and go all the time without warning. That's life, I guess.

I miss Malficent. She used to post so much insightful stuff. :(

Didn't mean this to be taken too seriously. I just thought you might have some secret lair for them... :surprised:

I know from other forums, some people come and go, then there are regulars, who would want new people to join, because they are bored with each other.

I quit saying hello's to new members in another forum, when half of the new users proved to be one permabanned member creating new accounts or staff playing tricks... :rolleyes:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ents/panic.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ts/ODDBALL.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ounclephil.jpg

I really like new members...for breakfast.

Aren't you vegan? I thought you were vegan. You can't eat new members... new members are people!

That's why no one would take the post seriously. Oh, and I'm a LOVeggie, not a Vegan. I don't mind eating lactation products and eggs.

Hi Bagatelle :)
I suppose I'm a new member, so I answer to you :) : I try to come here regulary but I have a life and this is most importante than a forum. Before I went to a french forum a lot, a very active forum and I think it's dangerous. I had big problems ! So now, I like a quiet forum, just with few messages (and english isn't my usual language). But maybe, many people would want an other thing, less adult for example or with more messages and after inscription to going to another virtual world. Oh, and you can't eat me.... I have a very hard skin, big teeth and long claws :suave: :p

You shall henceforth be known as: HONEY BADGER.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/found-n...ey-badger.html

I track them down through their IP, sometimes easy, sometimes I need to bribe (the nerds are so excited to get a bribe I barely pay them a thing) them. But its easy after that. Router, advanced defense? APG etc.? Not stupid? Doesn't matter. Eventually you'll order something off the internet, and then boom. I know all sorts of personal stuff. And that's assuming worst case to crack. The majority of you are easily led sheep to the slaughter.

Then I make a trip to their homes with a BFG and a chainsaw.

After that's taken care of I assume their identity and post under there names. This is getting a lot to handle.

..wait...what you guys don't hunt them?

Well, that explains the change in my attitude and posting habits.

Not all of them pass the initiation ceremonies.

Oops, was I not supposed to tell?

Three words:

Rum, Sodomy and the Lash.

Take them out back and beat them with rubber hoses.

If they stick around and drink beer with us afterwards, they are in.

Don't think it's all pent-up, malice filled, hazing rituals... some people actually liked it. I know for a fact world's king had a big smile on his face the entire time. Hell, Gucci asked for it a second time out of nothing but shear pleasure.

(... It sucks neither one of those two will actually read this thread.... I miss gluv)

shave his balls with a rusty razor...

tie him to the mast and whack his pee-pee...

Yes, I know the dangers of getting too much involved and too much time spent online.

I've had no work since Christmas, so I have way too much free time. Or I should say unorganized time...

I work at the computer, but I took a habit of not logging into any forums at work. Can't make same rules for myself at home, though. :)

I may need a beating to stay away. :rolleyes:

I knew the disappearances had sumfin to do with the Hobbit out back of the barn.

Actually, I try to make them feel welcome by responding to their posts in-thread and sending them PMs encouraging them to write more when I see they've made an exceptionally well-thought-out post. It's pretty disappointing when the people I've contacted directly never return to write more.

You shut your dirty mouth, mustache man. Don't make me banish you to tilted nonsense again.

I smell Waffles..........wait, what were we talking about????


..

..




.

Oh man, I just realized they weren't posting anymore. Did they give a reason why they left? I didn't super duper like them but I miss their posts now that I think of it.

Wk is around, he pops in every once in awhile. I've taken on the role of "Dead Hooker" commenter. If there is a way I can talk about dead hookers, I do.

Gluv? It's not my place to say why he left, I'm pretty sure it's one of those, "If you don't know now, you don't need to know things." That's how one mod explained it to me.

....as a somewhat new member I guess it takes a while to get the vibe of everyone. I try and read the threads as often as I can and even started a new thread last week. But alot of the regulars here are very saavy at this and I guess it is somewhat entertaining just to watch the exchange between them.

Lot's of old, abandoned mines in the neighborhood and I own a wood chipper ... just sayin'

There isn't enough man love. Gluv is gone, POA barely posts, WK is only here half the time, Fugly only lurks and silently fumes at Tpolitics. Oldfag needs to come back, no one has called me newfag in so long.

All I have left is Jazz and Plan9.

*Tear*

Quick lets make a lot of jokes about how gay you are, throw some 4chan insults out there, and talk about being drunk. It will make me feel like they are still there.

the hobbit lives...

I tend to try not to eat them... they get stuck in my teeth.
I'm running out of duct tape and room in the basement.

Noodle... tooth floss.

I'm a newfag and idk if I'm gonna post alot here because you all seem gay.

srs

I know, Charlie, but they're kinda like popcorn kernels... they get up under the gums sometimes.

Srsly, I cannot stand when that happens. But I lurves popcorn.

I check their profile to see if they're selling computer parts, penis pills or anything else. Then I report them with a one-liner like "FIRE ZEE MISSILES!"

...

I'm still going strong, brother. Not great distance nor extreme heat nor explosive diarrhea will keep me away from entertaining/nauseating this fine board with my absolutely mediocre argument for every major (and pointless) life topic. I too like POA and I dislike World's King and Gucci enough to miss them because they supplied all the bad life choices I've ever needed to feel better about whatever tiny fumble I make in my own adventures. And Fugly was a real contender for the Snarky McSnarkums suspenders I've bedazzled and hid away from that special occasion. All are missed greatly. If possible, I would commission an '80s band, perhaps the Fine Young Cannibals, to dedicate a love song specifically to them that urges them to come back home.

remind them...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...2/google-1.jpg

hopefully not since i am new!