jewels

My TFP welcome reminds me that my last log-on was in November, either last year or the previous. Must be that contemplative time of year for many of us. I end up leaving because I feel as though I'm spending way too much time online, but wonder if I underestimated TFP's importance as a necessary substitute for good, cheap therapy.

So I've moved again (sigh) in hopes of things improving, but financial constraints and other scenarios are working overtime to crush my hopes and dreams. I've finally let go of that teeter-totter relationship that was stunting my growth, my girls are doing reasonably well and have been keeping busy enough -- with them, and issues with my parents' aging.

Other than that, I have no life. I'm home sick today but would normally just be waking up and preparing to get ready for work. I work a second shift that gets me home after 1 a.m. and of course leaves me too wound up to hit the bed before 3. I have weekends off, for now, but after chores, errands, doing my nails and those sorts of things, have no time to get involved with anything that allows me to meet or go out with people in my new area.

I'm exhausted, tired, feeling depressed and not as strong and positive as my usual copaface implies. I'd love to go into therapy for some mental massaging, but can't afford the weekly co-pays. Insurance would cover anti-depressants, but I despise that Stepford emotionlessness they bestow upon me. But I refuse to spiral downward.

It would be correct to assume that since I have no truly adult interaction, other than at work, it's natural to feel lonely sometimes. But I don't want that; I want to reconnect with humans. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for here, but I know that TFP is full of intelligence and insight, and I think I need to hear some. Hit me.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

uncle phil

welcome back; you were missed...

jump in with both feet - get involved - both here and in real life...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

jewels

Missed you, Unka Phil. Gotta love the KISS 'tude. You're right, of course.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Craven Morehead

Why do you assume that you're depressed and that meds would make it all better? I think you're coping as well as anyone could in your situation. I'm not sure anyone would be any better at it than you are. You do have a life. You have your girls. You have your parents. Not only are they aging, but we all are, including you.

Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass. You just have to keep moving forward.

And welcome back.

jewels

Thanks, CM. This too shall pass.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Jinn

I'd have to consider you sociopathic or dissociative or addicted to drugs if your situation wasn't at least a little off-putting. Simply noticing that your living conditions are not what you want is half the battle. For me, true depression would be doing exactly what you're doing for the next 5 years and not recognizing that it was your situation causing your mood. I know I'd be hard pressed to work those hours alone without feeling down.

My vote is to find a day this week to go do some exercise; doesn't even have to be strenuous, just get your heart rate above 100 for a few minutes.. fast walk/jog around some park or to the nearest mall or something. The endorphins and adrenaline alone are better than Prosac, and you might see some human faces on the way. I'm not one to give advice on meeting new people, though, since I'm particularly terrible at it.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

LaLa1

I agree with Jinn, just take a bit of time and try to get out of the house.

When my girls were small I fell into a bit of a rut like you're in now. I was terribly starved for human connection, adult connection. So, I took a book and went and sat in the nearest restaurant and sipped on coffee. I could have my head in a book, listen to the other conversations and just be around people. Sometimes I wouldn't even pick the book up, just sitting there absorbing it all in helped a lot. These days with all the coffee shops you don't even need the book, you can just sit. Or you can go to a mall and walk around listening to others, or sit quietly and observe. Humans are very interesting creatures and it will stimulate your mind.

I don't think you need meds, sounds like you're going through some rough times and you'll get through them. You probably already know this and you came here because you knew people would remind you. You're home sick today, enjoy the peace and quiet. Tomorrow will look totally different if you allow yourself some rest today.

Good luck!

jewels

Absolutely! It's too damned inspiring around here.

And thanks, Jinn, maybe I just need to get out to do nothing. There are lots of places to do just that around here.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

mixedmedia

Take a weekend once a month in which you neglect all your chores and your errands and your nails and just do something different.

And stop telling yourself what you need to do all together. Nobody likes to be bossed around.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

jewels

Pure genius, girl.

LMAO! I feel better already.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

mixedmedia

I can only say it because I do the same thing to myself. It's not until I see it in someone else that I realize, 'hey, that's not fair, you (I) work hard, you're (I'm) not a terrible person, give your(my)self a break!'

One other thing, don't think you're going to meet people only by trying to meet people. Just by taking time for yourself you are creating opportunities to make friends.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

amonkie

Its tough sometimes, winters in particular. The last 5 years of living in extremely cloud, grey cloudy places does a wonder on my brain.

I am already starting to feel it creeping back in and this year to combat it I made a goal to do something I'd never thought I'd do in a million years. Having something to chip away, however small, at that BLAH that seems to permeate every thought has made the difference between every day feeling like I'm slipping, and a day where I can see the cloud hanging but I can look up and twinkle my nose and it slowly starts to shrink.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Tully Mars

Welcome back Jewels, you've been missed.

(insert witty comment here, I'm too lazy to think of one)

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Craven Morehead

Superb advice. I was out of a job for 17 months and used exercise as a coping mechanism. It worked great, would have been perfect had it also paid the bills. When the walls are closing in, go for a walk, do some yard work, go to the park, anything to break the routine and get your heart rate up. You'll feel better afterwards. And the side effects of exercise beyond stress relief are all positive.

Good luck.

helix_luco

language classes might be good for a little socializing. I've only taken two semesters of Japanese so far, but both of them had a pretty good atmosphere.

kramus

I'm a fan of a creative outlet. Not sure what you actually do, but there are things ranging from painting and involved drawing through clay work, soapstone carving, beadwork, photo/digital manipulation . . .

These are things you can do at home but still go out for classes, supplies, seminars, galleries and art/artisan shows . . . There is genuine long term benefit from building up a collection of things you've done (a "body of work" is what I've been told I have ), that you can gift others with, share w the kids - a very real deal.

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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

hunnychile

Kramus is smart...a creative outlet is always fun in one way or another.

It doesn't need to be expensive either, got a lot of old egg cartons, buttons or wire around - get creative and share the process with your kids. Everyone has something to share. And the outcome can be pretty interesting and unique.

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"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB