Embarrassing Injuries
 

This idea comes from another website. But, just post your tales of embarrassing injuries.

I'll start with mine.

I was playing flag football in high school. There was no reason to where cleats, but I wore mine anyways. So, I go out for the pass with a defender to my left which leaves my right side open. The quarterback beams the ball to my right, and I catch it. As I'm turning back around to run, my right foot got stuck in the mud because of the cleats. So, my whole right leg turns, but not my foot. So, my ankle gets dislocated, I tear all sorts of ligaments and tendons, and I fractured my fibula. And, NO ONE TOUCHED ME.

I still get picked on for it.

Let's hear yours.

I once took a vow of celibacy on a dare/bet and didn't masturbate for 6 weeks. Since I was in college at the time, it was ..... difficult. With no girlfriend at the end of the bet (or the beginning, go figure), I whacked off so much that I raised blisters.

I once got frostbite on the tip of my penis while out for a run without enough clothes on. In my defense, it was an official team race, so there were strict rules about what we could and couldn't wear, and most of the gear I had with me didn't conform. That's bad enough, but I did it again about 4 days later when I could have worn my entire wardrobe.

Huh, that's a lot of penis-related injuries. It's amazing I have kids.

I nearly destroyed one of my hamstrings in basic combat training in some manly running contest that I refused to lose. The pain was absolutely excruciating and I had to go to the med center and get an injection in my ass. I don't know why I had to do this, but the doctor had me lay on my back with my knees up by my head as he shoved a giant needle filled with what felt like cold motor oil into the meat. Aside from the awkward position, the Kool-Aid did the trick and I managed to hobble my way into jump school. So, yeah, kama sutra positions to get a shot? A little embarrassing.

Couple of other good ones:

- If you're walking and making full-size bloody footprints with one foot... something is wrong.
- Escalators and running children = gnarly forehead scars.
- A knife is not scissors... fingers take note.

...

That's nothing, my shit looks like a Klingon's forehead.

Well, my embarrassing injuries have been relatively minor... I was spiked in a baseball game and had my heel ripped open exposing a couple of inches of my Achilles tendon. However, I didn't feel any pain, just a brush with his foot, so I figured I was ok and played out the inning, feeling a tugging at my heel, so I thought he'd scraped me somewhat. After the inning, in the dugout, one of my teammates pointed a my bloody sock, and we found I had a shoe full of blood. So much for that season. Another time, an opponent once faked me out of my shoes in a basketball game and while I was in the air to block his shot, he jumped into me and cracked 2 of my ribs. The embarrassing part was that it was my foul.

But the best story I have concerns a friend who was being raised solely by his mother. He was 13 when in a bicycle accident just outside his house, he caught and tore open his scrotum quite badly. He had to run into the house, in excruciating pain, and reveal to his mother the extent of the damage. That is adding embarrassment to injury.

Once, when I was a preteen, I was riding a boys bike on which I could not reach the ground. I was going pretty slowly, came to a sudden stop due to the person in front of me, and slid off the seat onto the bar causing me to walk funny and thus have to explain to my parents and friends what happened.

When I was little, I was a pretty good roller skater, and a few years ago, a cousin wanted to go, so I figured, hey, it's probably like riding a bike... umm, no. I fell and severely sprained my ankle... on the carpet before ever reaching the skate floor. I was on crutches for two weeks and had to wear a brace for 3 months... again, it was the explaining to people what happened that was embarrassing.

I fell off a 4th-story windowsill once. I'll never do that again.

Already won the thread.

It was when I was a kid (in my defense it was dark) but I ran full force into a barb wire fence. Friends were running with me and were like "how did you not see that huge fence?!" I still have the scars...

No wait, I just thought of a worse one, also when I was a kid. I was explaining to my city slicker cousin about avoiding certain kinds of jumping cactus. In the process of doing so (as I was talking) I backed up an fell into one. I had so many spines in my legs that I couldn't walk; my mother had to hike out with a comb.

I had a 'There's Something About Mary' moment when I was getting ready for my high school prom. In my haste to put on the tuxedo pants, I somehow got my...self... caught in the closed zipper. My mom had to help me disentangle myself. =/

I was playing soccer barefoot in my neighbor's driveway as a kid. The problem was that the driveway was concrete and there was this part where it had cracked and a piece was raised about an inch or so. Going to kick the ball, I hit the flesh under the big toe on that piece. It hurt like hell, but I didn't think too much about it. A bit later, going home, I went through my neighbor's house, as we lived behind them. Just as I was about to exit the backdoor, I hear my friend's mom asking "what is this dark streak in the carpet?"

As it turned out, I had a cut on my foot that was about an inch wide and half an inch deep that bled profusely. At that point, I just ran home and decided to avoid their place for a while. Soon after they ended up moving, and I never found out if they managed to get the blood stains off the carpet.

I was a teenager and the whole family was sitting at the table having dinner (anybody else remember this tradition?). I started playing with knives pretending one hand was sword fighting with the other, when suddenly my left hand stabbed my right hand pretty bad, at least worthy of a few stitches. I still hear about it a couple times a year and that happened over 40 years ago.

I once sprained my ankle running into a wall at full speed, on purpose. I don't remember why I did it, but I remember realizing it was a terrible idea shortly thereafter.
I have a horizontal burn scar across my stomach where I tapped my stomach with a hot pan while baking shirtless.

It runs in the family, my mom once chipped a tooth opening a refrigerator door into herself. This was a standard fridge on bottom, freezer on top unit.

Man, I am such a klutz I've lost track of all of my embarrassing injuries. I KNOW there are other people on here who can relate.

Once was riding bikes with my cousin in a park, and this grassy area in the middle of two paths separated us. There was a small hill, so I stood up on the bike to see him, and decided to wave.
Turns out, if you stand up on a bike and let go of one hand, you fall. Then you have to worry about getting back on your bike as fast as possible with scraped palms and GTFO of there before more people see you. Fun times

I also have my middle finger scarred up a bit from where a monkey bit me. It was my fault for trying to pet a caged monkey, but I was 8 years old, damn it.

Rugburn on my back.

ironpham, I think you've missed the entire point of the thread. There are no winners here, only degrees of clutzes.

I can't believe I forgot this one: when I was about 8 and my brother about 6, we had a kid-sized John Deere tractor that we liked to ride (it was big enough that we could both fit on it. We took it to the top of the driveway and decided to coast down it, into the street and down the hill into a neighbor's yard. Well, our first problem was that we weren't wearing shoes. Our second was that we were going way to fast and I couldn't steer it. We both ended up using our feet as brakes and peeled all the skin off them.

This one time I got a real flamethrower of a UTI from a dozen-orgasms-GO fuckfest that occurred in a few hours in a crappy hotel room.

A third party TFP member had to rescue me with magical pills. It's really kinda embarrassing sending someone an IM asking for antibiotics.

"So... hey, how ya doing? Good, good. Say, do you still have all those Z-packs sitting around? Yeah, can I buy one off you? Like today?"

Let this be a warning: take breaks, drink lotsa water, maybe shower every 4th orgasm... if you find yourself going at it like a wind-up rabbit.

You can have too much sex.