Dear Journal
 

Dear Journal. You're a fucking bitch I hate you so much.

... sorry...
I didn't mean that, you know that.

It's just... I've been repressing some things.

It was my birthday on the 15th... It was shit. It's always been shit though. I've never had a good birthday. Something always goes wrong.

So I had this girlfriend for a couple of weeks. She's black :O :O :O O :O :O O:.

And on my birthday I told her that I'm married. I told her that the marriage was a joke. Being Christian, and all, it kind of pissed her off more. I knew I shouldn't have messed around with another Christian woman. Last time I got sued by Target.

She ended up leaving my friends apartment. I gave her some time to cool off until I realized that she was outside and so was my car so I went out to find her. Thankfully my car was fine but she was on the phone trying to get a ride and I couldn't have that. It took an hour to explain it all and how I wanted to be with her and I'll handle the marriage when I can afford it.

I finally got her to come back inside and she started drinking. She probably had about 6 drinks all together and then she tried to rape me and she started taking her clothes off in front of my friend and his girlfriend. Good times... gooood embarrassing times.

Anyway, we ended up not fucking because I knew that would be wrong. The best time of my life was when I lost my morals... but I also lost my friends.

That night everyone went to sleep except me... without sex.... on my birthday.

Anyway, flashback for a second. Through out this two week relationship, she always seemed kinda sketchy. Like the way she talked on the phone to people. And her dating profile still said that she was single. And we were supposed to hang out one weekend and she said she was going to go hang out with a guy friend of hers.

So, on the night of my birthday after everyone had gone to sleep I checked her phone to see what was up. She was talking to a guy earlier and was quite flirty but quieted down when she saw I was paying attention to her. I ended up finding a message telling some guy friend of hers that she wanted to kiss him.

I asked about him the next morning. "did you sleep with him? no. did you kiss him? well there was a good bye kiss". She wanted to know how I even knew who that was. I was silent. Waiting for her to fill in any gaps. She was getting pissed. I still didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to deal with it. I just woke up and I hate arguing with people.

So I drove her home and the last time I saw her, she slammed my car door and flipped me off.

I ended up sending her a message later telling her how I found out and also just letting her know how slutty she is coming across as, in much nicer words, I assure you.

So we talked for about 2 hours yesterday and that phone call ended with "never call me again <click>"

Oh Journal, why is nothing working out for me? Why does nothing ever work out for me? Maybe one day I'll be able to tell you about something good that happens to me. Truly good.

-fie

You're married and dating. She's only been with you a few weeks and is clearly dating around.

I'd say you have little room to complain honestly. Until a relationship is actually fully hashed out people are allowed to date other people (I'd say 3-4 weeks). Yeah it sucks, but the conversation of "I really want to be with you" deal has to be laid out before the "never call me again" blows up.

Relax, she was obviously psycho anyways.

Well the marriage is a sham. I only slept with her a handful of times. She never even lived with me. She never even lived in the same state as me.

I don't know that the new girl was psycho but given my history (my wife amongst others) it's likely. Fucking whores.

There's your problem right there...

Your attitude towards women sucks. You reap what you sow.

damn. you create your own drama and then pissed off that you have drama? seriously grow up a bit and be responsible for your own actions.

I was thinking it would have been much more efficient to post the following:

Dear Journal:

I make bad choices.

Sincerely,
fie

We should enable a journaling feature for this sort of thing. Maybe called it Web Journals, or "bjourns" for short.

i couldn't have said it better myself.

fie - read all these again and take some responsibility for your actions. Realize that "nothing works out" for you because you seem incredibly busy sabotaging your own happiness. But maybe you get off on that.

Good luck with it.

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make.

"The End," Abbey Road, The Beatles

This is .. WTF?!

So you're marriage is(was) a sham. You married a girl who never lived in the same state.. she never lived with you.. and.. you don't see potential problems with that? You set yourself up. Plain and simple.

If you wanted to look elsewhere, there were easier ways to do it, like, maybe.. getting a divorce first.

I have to agree with the others, you created your own drama. Deal with it. Learn from it. Don't do something similar again.

Everyone is the psychologist.

Charlatan: if you call a woman who sells sex for money on craigslist anything other than a whore then let me know so I can correct my terminology.

---------- Post added at 01:34 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:33 AM ----------

Everyone is the psychologist, aren't they?

Charlatan: if you call a woman who sells sex for money on craigslist anything other than a whore then let me know so I can correct my terminology.

And what do you call a man who thinks he's dating when he's paying a woman on Craigslist for sex?

John.

Damn, I thought the OP was pretty funny.

what does being responsible for your own actions have to do with psychology?

Taking responsibility can easily be a topic of psychology.

It's the entire basis of psychology being a professional career, instead of solely a scientific one.

It is venting to a 'seer' about how all of one's own actions are the result of others influences unto the one, therefore, it's everyone else's problems that have caused my problems.

Not sure if this brings us back out or straight back into this twisted loop.

So if we go the psychological route, I think it's easy to see a pattern here with the latest response by fie.

Focusing on the trivial instead of the important.

I'm ignoring everything else here and saying... if you're married, you can't expect to have any say whatsoever in who she is or isn't dating. That is all.

Denial is the best route for avoiding the issue...

This is closely followed by deflecting your issues onto others.

Take a deep look at yourself and listen to what others are saying here.

that would require taking responsibility for actions, including the ones that are happening now!

Yeah, basically:

Dear Journal,

I set me up the bomb.

Fie

On behalf of TFP I'd like to apologize for completely fucking up your love life, fie. Obviously we're responsible for the fact that you married a woman you didn't like for reasons that are unfathomable to us and you remain married to her for reasons we don't know. Clearly, we're in the wrong when you can't bring yourself to cheat on your wife. If only faceless strangers on the internet weren't messing with your love life this way, you'd have achieved true happiness on your own. You'd be having mind-blowing sex constantly and would be joyfully fending off all the women throwing themselves at you because you'd found "The One".

I'm so sorry we've screwed up your life this way. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us.

Dear women of TFP,

No offense about anything. I don't know you or your sexuality. If any of my comments bothered you then sorry.

But if it gives you any perspective, the day after she said "don't ever call me again" she posted "Angela Johnson Damn last night I fucked this fucking sexy ass guy and shit he is the best I ever hade bitches!!! Shit got my swag back on bitches!!!
Tue at 2:17pm" on her facebook, which she doesn't know that I know about.

So either she met a guy within a day and fucked him or she's had guys in queue. I'll leave it up to you.

Also, this post wasn't meant to be emo or look for sympathy or look for advice. I just thought the antics of my life might be amusing to some of you.

-fie

Dear Fie,

I AM amused.
Please continue posting your escapades.
I appreciate your line breaks and liberal use of punctuation.
If possible include charts, diagrams and images.
Thank you, in advance
-GH

This sounds like another one of those bullshit posts.

I suggest making a BLOG next time. It is a journal of sorts... might work out better.

OR

You could just NOT post things that will make you sound like an utter douche. Good luck in your life.

QFT

I like the part where he didn't redact the name. Also the part where he snooped on his 'girlfriend', who somehow neither knew he was married or that he knew how to access her facebook page.

you know i totally googled that name.

This is for the sake of giant hamburger. I think he knows where I'm coming from. Or he's egging me on so that more people will dislike me. Either way. I like to find amusement in my crap. I've told enough people about my problems that there's not anything anyone can say about it to make it better. All you can do is just sit back and laugh and eventually get over it.

So without further ado.
http://i45.tinypic.com/212wl74.jpg

Amanda is my "wife". It's really hard to get your mind around the idea that we are married but not really. It was never the intention. But I did consider her a long distance girlfriend. It was fun but after we got married she flipped it up on me.

why did you get married? Green card for $5,000???

I wish. Or for taxes. I think I would get audited if I tried to do our taxes together.

I never planned on getting married. I'm not the marrying type. So I figured that I would marry someone that I know I couldn't be attached to but I let myself go.

It all started out as a joke that I was going to play on my mom. I was (and am) at a reckless part of my life so I said to her, "Hey, let's get married anyway, it will be fun." And she, being quite the nutter, agreed.

It wasn't until after she slept with 3 other guys that I decided that I need to find a girlfriend.

I would honestly love to get a divorce but I'm incredibly poor at the moment. All I have is negative money. Everything is overdrawn.

do you treat the rest of your life like your marriage where it's a joke to try to get by instead of taking it seriously?

It's complicated.

Now. I am amused.

Please continue.

You mean Streep-Martin-Baldwin complicated?

Complicated because you made it complicated or complicated because you are born with some sort of situation or defect that complicates how you interact with real life people?