Proper topics of conversation - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

loquitur · 10-08-2009, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Dear Prudence,
I am a married man in my 30s, and I have known for some time now that I am quite well-endowed. Though my past girlfriends and wife have been enthusiastic about it, my problem is with how my wife treats this personal information. She discusses my size quite openly with her friends, which I understand is part of her "girl talk." However, I recently found out that she told a female acquaintance whom she'd met for the first time! I am a fairly introverted person, and knowing that our friends have this information affects my social interaction with them. I have brought this issue up with her and asked her to tone it down, but her argument is that she is sharing something positive about me, and therefore it causes no harm. My wife and I have an otherwise stable and loving marriage, and I do not want this issue to be a bone of contention. How can I get my wife to stop broadcasting this? Or should I just accept it?

—Zipped Up

Dear Zipped,
Bone of contention, indeed. At least this isn't a version of the disappointing HBO series Hung, and she hasn't offered to become your pimp. I agree that your wife's blabbing to every woman of her acquaintance that you're packing is a violation of the sanctity your marriage, even if it doesn't rise to the level of making you want to pack your bags. She should realize it's actually contrary to her self-interest to advertise your asset so widely, since she's going to tantalize some women to want to join this members-only club. It's also awfully rigid of her to dismiss your complaint that you feel no one looks you in the face because everyone has their eyes on the prize. Since her boasting is not petering out, perhaps she will better understand your beef if you offer her an analogy. Ask her to imagine how she would feel if you started telling all the males you know that her nipples are irresistibly pert and perky. If she says that's nuts, and not the same thing at all, ask her to elucidate why not, since you, too, want to reveal something complimentary about her private parts. Tell her you wouldn't actually do this because such intimate facts belong to the married couple, not the world. And add that since she so values your endowment, if she wants it to grow, not shrink, she needs to protect it better.

—Prudi

So, what do people here think? Is this a vastly inappropriate subject for conversation? (Of course if the word is already out, might not make a difference, right Halx?

)

Halx · 10-08-2009, 12:03 PM

This would not bother me. Hah!

jimk · 10-08-2009, 12:07 PM

Ask her if she's cool with you telling new male acquaintances that your wife's cooze is really tight. (or something equally inappropriate)

edit * sorry, I guess that's pretty much what the columnist said.......I didn't read it until now. live & learn.

FuglyStick · 10-08-2009, 12:47 PM

Boobs. Everyone likes boobs.

inBOIL · 10-08-2009, 01:16 PM

Sharing private information can cause harm, whether it's positive or not. I think it's inappropriate to talk about anything private that your partner has indicated they don't want you to share.

Plan9 · 10-08-2009, 01:24 PM

Yeah, I'd be uncomfortable with that. It's lewd. Sexual harassment'd.

It'd be like me telling all my buddies that my girlfriend loves the "alternative love canal" and them calling her a tight ass and wink-wink-nudge-nudge in public. 'Tis bad form, old bean.

Granted, I only say this because I don't have genitals and I'm jealous of men with them.

...

And... I don't give a shit if you're a crotch narwhal. I'm a guy.

Craven Morehead · 10-08-2009, 02:03 PM

Its sharing information that otherwise would not be known without intimacy. And thats wrong. Very disrespectful. Its a form of boasting, albeit by proxy.

thirdsun · 10-08-2009, 02:06 PM

If it bothers him, she shouldn't talk about it.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me; I'd find it flattering and exciting that my wife thought enough about my equipment or skills to tell her friends about about it. Women talk about stuff just as much as men do. But every guy is unique.

What she might or might not like (i.e., him talking about her nipples in the locker room) doesn't really matter; she's doing something that bothers him and she should respect and love him enough to listen to his feelings about it.

Willravel · 10-08-2009, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Dear Prudence,
I am a married man in my 30s, and I have known for some time now that I am quite well-endowed. Though my past girlfriends and wife have been enthusiastic about it, my problem is with how my wife treats this personal information. She discusses my size quite openly with her friends, which I understand is part of her "girl talk." However, I recently found out that she told a female acquaintance whom she'd met for the first time! I am a fairly introverted person, and knowing that our friends have this information affects my social interaction with them. I have brought this issue up with her and asked her to tone it down, but her argument is that she is sharing something positive about me, and therefore it causes no harm. My wife and I have an otherwise stable and loving marriage, and I do not want this issue to be a bone of contention. How can I get my wife to stop broadcasting this? Or should I just accept it?

—Zipped Up

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willravel

First off, don't call me Prudence. It's not funny anymore.

Your solution is actually quite simple: turn the tables. The next time you meet with people, please tell them—enthusiastically—how your wife has a wonderfully tight vagina. Talk about how you covet her tight vagina to everyone you meet when you're with your wife.

"Oh, did you know? My wife is tighter than a Japanese ballerina... no, I don't want fries with that."

"Jesus Christ, reverend, we do go through a lot of lubricant."

"I should be brought up on statutory rape charges, officer, because fucking my wife is like fucking a 17 year old virgin! Oh, here's my license and registration."

I'm sure she'll get the picture.

Oh, and congratulations.

percy · 10-08-2009, 03:26 PM

If the topic is right or wrong depends on those involved. I'm calling bullshit on the letter to the advice column. It sounds like something a teenager would write. There may be guys who are in that situation, but I would highly doubt they would be so offended to write to an advice column about it.

Punk.of.Ages · 10-08-2009, 08:20 PM

Personally, nothing's sacred. I talk shit constantly. About everything.

That's me, though. If a girl did this and it bothered me, I'd fully expect her to stop, and vice versa.

It's really like anything else in a relationship. If one half is bothered, both halves need to find a way to fix it.

Plan9 · 10-08-2009, 08:21 PM

Disregard the commentary on proper social etiquette as issued by the individual with the foot-high mohawk and Duyba t-shirt.

Halanna · 10-09-2009, 04:38 PM

It is. Especially when it's told to someone she met for the first time.

It's understandable that her close of closest girlfriends would know, that kind of information just has a way of leaking.

It sounds to me like she is trying to use her husband's "assets" to make herself look like a better woman than the one she is talking to or someone who other people should envy.

flat5 · 10-10-2009, 03:52 AM

Her behavior implies that she is immature and not very bright.
He's lucky if that is their greatest problem...so far.
He does not say how old his wife is.

Shauk · 10-10-2009, 05:31 AM

sounds to me like she has a latent fantasy to involve her husband in a threesome.

I'd be fine with a girly friend of mine discussing it for the intent of trying to hook me up with one of her friends if that was a dealbreaker or something, but beyond that I can't see why it would be an appropriate topic,

Lady Bear Cub · 10-12-2009, 09:24 AM

i wouldn't want everyone lusting after my sausage dinner.

lostgirl · 10-12-2009, 12:03 PM

It's disrespectful to him and it could cause more problems than she realizes.

"She should realize it's actually contrary to her self-interest to advertise your asset so widely, since she's going to tantalize some women to want to join this members-only club."

Anormalguy · 10-13-2009, 03:45 AM

Immature boasting. His wife needs to grow-up and realize that she's no longer in middle school.

I would wonder what's lacking in her life that makes her feel compelled to brag about the size of her husband's penis to relative strangers, or even close friends.

GreyWolf · 10-13-2009, 03:55 AM

Assuming the letter is real, they have a bigger problem than the size of his equipment. She was totally oblivious to how he might feel about her revelations, and she reacted totally improperly when told it bothered him. That to me is the bigger issue.

She was saying something positive about him? Possibly, although some women might disagree (I hope, for my sake). But there are positive things that people just don't want to discuss in public, even with friends. Ask your friends how much money they gave to charity last year. It's definitely a positive thing, regardless of the amount. Bet they won't want to say. This is somewhat analogous... no matter how positive she feels she's being, since it's about him, it's how HE feels about the topic that makes it appropriate or not.

10-08-2009, 12:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	This would not bother me. Hah! __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

10-08-2009, 12:07 PM	#3 (permalink)
jimk Addict Location: Chicago	Ask her if she's cool with you telling new male acquaintances that your wife's cooze is really tight. (or something equally inappropriate) edit * sorry, I guess that's pretty much what the columnist said.......I didn't read it until now. live & learn. __________________ raw power is a guaranteed o.d. raw power is a laughin' at you & me -iggy Last edited by jimk; 10-08-2009 at 12:09 PM..

10-08-2009, 12:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
FuglyStick WHEEEE! Whee! Whee! WHEEEE! Location: Southern Illinois	Boobs. Everyone likes boobs. __________________ AZIZ! LIGHT!

10-08-2009, 01:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
inBOIL I have eaten the slaw	Sharing private information can cause harm, whether it's positive or not. I think it's inappropriate to talk about anything private that your partner has indicated they don't want you to share. __________________ And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

10-08-2009, 01:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Yeah, I'd be uncomfortable with that. It's lewd. Sexual harassment'd. It'd be like me telling all my buddies that my girlfriend loves the "alternative love canal" and them calling her a tight ass and wink-wink-nudge-nudge in public. 'Tis bad form, old bean. Granted, I only say this because I don't have genitals and I'm jealous of men with them. ... And... I don't give a shit if you're a crotch narwhal. I'm a guy. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake." Last edited by Plan9; 10-08-2009 at 01:26 PM..

10-08-2009, 02:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
Craven Morehead Custom User Title	Its sharing information that otherwise would not be known without intimacy. And thats wrong. Very disrespectful. Its a form of boasting, albeit by proxy.

10-08-2009, 02:06 PM	#8 (permalink)
thirdsun rolls good	If it bothers him, she shouldn't talk about it. Personally, it wouldn't bother me; I'd find it flattering and exciting that my wife thought enough about my equipment or skills to tell her friends about about it. Women talk about stuff just as much as men do. But every guy is unique. What she might or might not like (i.e., him talking about her nipples in the locker room) doesn't really matter; she's doing something that bothers him and she should respect and love him enough to listen to his feelings about it.

10-08-2009, 03:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
percy Addict	If the topic is right or wrong depends on those involved. I'm calling bullshit on the letter to the advice column. It sounds like something a teenager would write. There may be guys who are in that situation, but I would highly doubt they would be so offended to write to an advice column about it.

10-08-2009, 08:20 PM	#11 (permalink)
Punk.of.Ages Forming Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.	Personally, nothing's sacred. I talk shit constantly. About everything. That's me, though. If a girl did this and it bothered me, I'd fully expect her to stop, and vice versa. It's really like anything else in a relationship. If one half is bothered, both halves need to find a way to fix it. __________________ "The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager "Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

10-08-2009, 08:21 PM	#12 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Disregard the commentary on proper social etiquette as issued by the individual with the foot-high mohawk and Duyba t-shirt. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-09-2009, 04:38 PM	#13 (permalink)
Halanna Insane Location: Over the rainbow . .	It is. Especially when it's told to someone she met for the first time. It's understandable that her close of closest girlfriends would know, that kind of information just has a way of leaking. It sounds to me like she is trying to use her husband's "assets" to make herself look like a better woman than the one she is talking to or someone who other people should envy.

10-10-2009, 03:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
flat5 Very Insignificant Pawn Location: Amsterdam, NL	Her behavior implies that she is immature and not very bright. He's lucky if that is their greatest problem...so far. He does not say how old his wife is.

10-10-2009, 05:31 AM	#15 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	sounds to me like she has a latent fantasy to involve her husband in a threesome. I'd be fine with a girly friend of mine discussing it for the intent of trying to hook me up with one of her friends if that was a dealbreaker or something, but beyond that I can't see why it would be an appropriate topic,

10-12-2009, 09:24 AM	#16 (permalink)
Lady Bear Cub Crazy Location: north carolina	i wouldn't want everyone lusting after my sausage dinner.

10-12-2009, 12:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
lostgirl lightform Location: Edge of the deep green sea	It's disrespectful to him and it could cause more problems than she realizes. "She should realize it's actually contrary to her self-interest to advertise your asset so widely, since she's going to tantalize some women to want to join this members-only club." __________________ We're about to go through the crucible, but we'll come out the other side. We always arise from our own ashes. Everything returns later in its changed form. - Children of Dune

10-13-2009, 03:45 AM	#18 (permalink)
Anormalguy After School Special Moralist Location: Large City, Texas.	Immature boasting. His wife needs to grow-up and realize that she's no longer in middle school. I would wonder what's lacking in her life that makes her feel compelled to brag about the size of her husband's penis to relative strangers, or even close friends. __________________ In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

10-13-2009, 03:55 AM	#19 (permalink)
GreyWolf Sober Location: Eastern Canada	Assuming the letter is real, they have a bigger problem than the size of his equipment. She was totally oblivious to how he might feel about her revelations, and she reacted totally improperly when told it bothered him. That to me is the bigger issue. She was saying something positive about him? Possibly, although some women might disagree (I hope, for my sake). But there are positive things that people just don't want to discuss in public, even with friends. Ask your friends how much money they gave to charity last year. It's definitely a positive thing, regardless of the amount. Bet they won't want to say. This is somewhat analogous... no matter how positive she feels she's being, since it's about him, it's how HE feels about the topic that makes it appropriate or not. __________________ *The secret to great marksmanship is deciding what the target was AFTER you've shot.*