jewels

Cougar. Is it a buzz word, trend or sheer indulgence? A major network now has a TV show about this very subject.

I've only heard the term used in the past couple of years, although the concept is nothing new. Women have been pursuing younger men since we began demanding equality and likely goes way back in history. (Please do help me out if you know!)

While the age argument is a small part of it, I believe that many of us don't feel age is much of a barrier in relationships. Or is it?

The main question I have is, do you think if a woman chooses a younger man that she is looking for nothing more than sexual gratification? Is she looking to associate with younger men in order to deny her age? Is there potential for a true relationship that will last? Do other women, in general, seem to prefer a specific age group, i.e. men that are older, younger or around the same age?

My daughters have always told me I need to stop dating older men and go for guys much younger than myself. They think I have a lot more in common with the younger guys. I seem to have a natural instinct that guides me towards older men (usually 7 - 12 years older), but do wonder if maybe I'm afraid of younger men. I can't help but wonder if being with a younger guy is a way for an older woman to boost her ego.

Although younger guys have greater endurance, older guys have often been trained and can be much more intense, so I can see an argument on either side.

I'm not quite sure where I stand on this, so I'd love some input and to hear from you guys. What are your thoughts?

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Plan9

Long term relationships are now much more disposable.

The age of the average active dating person is increasing.

People live longer and are more superficial.

...

I'm creeped out by a woman who's 45 and hitting on me on a dating site.

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thirdsun

I reserve the right to be wrong about this, but I think the term "cougar" when applied to a woman is not necessarily a compliment or something worthy of emulating (unless you want to!).

My impression is that the term applies to an older woman who sleeps around with a lot of younger men for purely sexual reasons.

Again, I may be totally wrong so someone feel free to expand my mind on the topic.

But more generally, in a Long Term Relationship (which I think is the intent of your post) it's a personal choice. If younger men appeal to you, then by all means, explore the option. There's also the factor that men don't live as long as women generally, so I've heard it said by some women that they prefer a LTR with a younger man in order to be with him a few years longer.

fresnelly

Mass media is promoting this trend because it's great for selling advertising to the female image industry (fashion, diet, beauty, fitness etc.)

I'm out of the bar scene so I have no idea if it's a real phenomenon but the media swell sure is.

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BadNick

A lot of media buzz about cougars lately. Mass media trends and TV in particular annoy me so I try to disconnect from it as much as I can...I watch less than 1 hr TV a week although I inadvertantly pick up trendy news from miscellaneous sources.

I see more women being interested in younger men than used to be apparent years ago...at least it's more openly obvious than it used to be, and I believe it to be a real phenomenon. To me it seems logical that as women feel more freedom to express their sexuality, they will expand their interests into less "mainstream" directions, like younger men.

As fresnelly said above, I see the recent media hype as a vehicle to take advantage of the concept as a marketing opportunity...sell sell sell. Let me guess what products are advertised during the TV shows???

I saw one of the hottest "cougars", not on TV, but in real life the other day...of course to me she's a gorgeous younger babe of only mid to late 40's. A young guy detailed my car and when I went to pick it up his mom came down to open the garage for me...I almost fell over but managed to maintain some composure so she doesn't realize I'm a stupid jerk and we had a nice conversation so it seems she's smart and has a sense of humor, too; she was painting the living room and I heard she's a great cook...virtually perfect! Later I told him I hope he doesn't take it wrong and I mean it respectfully, but "...your mom is freakin' gorgeous, dude!..." ...she's single, too, though I'm not in the market so to speak, just appreciating the beauty.

Baraka_Guru

[Your age] / 2 + 7

Go for it.

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Tully Mars

As to the OP... depends on the cougar, doesn't it?

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Cervantes

I would imagine there are as many answers to the OP's questions as there are women.

Like some men, some women date younger partners to boost their ego while others do it because they have more in common with the younger generations. Some do it to form stable long term relationships while others are just in it for the kicks.

I don't see any difference between an older woman hitting on a younger guy than an older man hitting on younger women. Sometimes it's straight out creepy, while on other occasions it can be very interesting and rewarding. It all depends on the person I suppose.

Age is one of the most taboo things in western societies, it's only natural as we grow accustomed to the "norm" to want to push these taboos to see where it leads.

If you want to try on a younger man I say go for it, but if you are uncomfortable with the idea don't even bother. Like all relationships you have to want it for it to be good and rewarding.

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levite

Hot. I say go for it. Older guys hit on younger women all the time. Why shouldn't it work both ways? Hot chicks don't stop being hot after a certain age: they just turn into hot ladies. If you like a younger guy, get your cougar on!

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FuglyStick

I think it's a shame that attractive women over 35 feel the need to date men in their 20s.

My number is 555-HRNY

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grumpyolddude

A cougar is a predatory creature. Not all women who seek out younger men are being predators. Some connect socially and emotionally with someone younger. Sometimes, the younger man is the more mature one in the relationship.

If you tend to gravitate toward older men, then go for it! It's your life, not your children's. Besides, us "older" fellas need love too!

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Bear Cub

Fixed.

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inBOIL

My understanding is that 'cougar' applies to any older woman who pursues younger men, whether for a fling or LTR.

As for the OP, I'd like to echo the sentiment that it depends heavily on the cougar in question.

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lostgirl

How old do you have to be to be seen as a cougar? What age difference is needed?

I ask because I don't see myself as a cougar, I usually go for slightly older men, but I am now in a long term relationship with someone who is younger than me.

I don't see anything wrong with women dating younger men (obviously), men have been doing it forever.

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Bear Cub

Does it really matter? Cougars have the right idea. Women's sex drives peak later, males' sex drives peak earlier. Match made in heaven.

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eribrav

I seem to have trouble differentiating MILF's and Cougars.

Take this post for example.
Why isn't this an example of a MILF, rather than a cougar?
Please enlighten me.

thirdsun

There are several definitions at the Urban Dictionary site. You can get a composite definition by reading several of them.

Cougar

mixedmedia

Personally, I don't get the attraction. Never have. I've always preferred older men.

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Bear Cub

MM: That's because not all young bucks can be super-studs like Bear Cub.

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mixedmedia

heh

but seriously, it has nothing to do with studliness. I guess that's why it doesn't work for me. I prefer a guy who can seduce me. I just don't see that in young guys...there is definitely a predilection for psychological hotness that comes with age. Simply having a dick and being able to use it is not particularly exciting.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Halx

Last week I listened to a cougar describe her date with a young man. Despite the cougar's lack of any physical appealing feature (to her credit, the picture I've seen shows that she used to be a FOX when she was younger) the younger man appreciated her because older women are more patient, more experienced (cliche) and more stable than younger girls. I personally wouldn't touch this lady with my worst enemy's dick, but she was on her way to getting laid. She chickened out though, because he drove her to her place instead of his place. She wouldn't let him come up to her place though because she didn't have any electricity because she couldn't afford to pay the bill. He drove her there in a BMW.

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MSD

Hot or not? Well it depends. Woman in her early 40s hanging out at a local dive that caters to college students? Reeks of desperation and probably cheap perfume. I'll be at the bar with friends making comments like "uh oh, someone's going to be embarrassed when his mom finds him." These women are invariably drunk in half an hour and making fools of themselves dancing among a bunch of college kids ... or more likely on top of the bar.

Same age, but I run into her at a cocktail party and she's wearing a dress that leaves me wondering until later that night what she's wearing under it instead of giving me a show every time she lifts her arms up? A little bit of class goes a long way. Age is just a number, and who says you have to be attracted to someone your own age? And who says relationships have to be based on something more than sexual attraction? as long as you both have the same expectations, go ahead and have your fun.
If your view of personal relationships involves math, you're thinking too hard. Yes, I know that "everyone" (except me) uses that formula and I still think it's fucking stupid.

Baraka_Guru

The universe is math.

And it can't be stupid if it works.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Anormalguy

As long as both parties are getting what they want from the relationship (be it sexual, long-term, whatever), why not?

I don't the exact definition of a cougar, or if there is one, but in my mind it's a woman who seeks out younger guys for sex.

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MSD

In what way does it work? It reinforces social conventions in a way that tends to prevent more harm than it causes. It also prevents good things because of society members' fear of challenging the norms and being seen as weird. We have philosophy and sociology, the other side has math

bazkitcase5

based on what I've learned, I always thought a cougar was an older woman looking for a younger man for sexual reasons only

if she was looking for a relationship, I wouldn't consider her a cougar, I'd see it as just a woman who is interested in a relationship with younger men

World's King

Stay away from my mom...

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FuglyStick

NOW you say something....

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Xerxys

Cougars are hot. More women should do this ...

dksuddeth

I'll take this hit. anyone who wouldn't? go get checked. seriously.

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jewels

I swear, it wasn't me. Funny, on dating sites I mostly get responses from guys in their 20s and 30s. I always thought it was Mrs Robinson Syndrome.

---------- Post added at 07:35 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:31 AM ----------

Ohhh my gawd. This made me laugh so hard I'm cryin'.

How did you come upon this formula?

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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little_tippler

I for one have never been very attracted to older men than myself, only men in the same age group. Physically, I find younger men attractive. I couldn't tell you why this is, but men who are much older than me (say 10 year difference) have so far not attracted me.

I think there are a few factors here. For one, I don't like men to be too rugged, and prefer men who are slightly more boyish in appearance. Secondly, I am 29 but get told quite frequently I look younger. So there is a tendency also to attract slightly younger men than myself. These are all physical justifications.

Mentally, it's really not about age at all. I like someone who is intelligent and can challenge me. Someone who can keep up with my crazy thought process. But then I also like someone who has a young spirit, likes to have fun, try different things. So far I find that older men are more mellow that way but I am still feeling about 22 so it doesn't mesh.

The largest age difference I have experienced either way is 5 years, which is not much really.

Really I don't think age HAS to matter in any relationship. It depends entirely on the two people involved. So be it cougars or anything else, I think as long as people can be happy together, it's nobody's business.

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BadNick

are you trying to protect her, or us?

Toaster126

As I get older (I'm 25), I find that age is less and less a designator of maturity. I don't have a problem with two consenting adults being happy, regardless of age. There are correlations one can draw from people who actively seek out a particular group, though.

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GreyWolf

If by cougars, one is referring to women over a certain age, then they are definitely hot. But then, I'm old, so no woman chasing me would ever be considered a cougar. Younger women are all gorgeous, hot, and sexy in their own way, but the visible aspect is such a small part of the overall attraction. I find women with intelligence, wit, humour, and a breadth of life experience FAR more fascinating and desirable for a relationship than those without. And while young adult women can certainly have beauty, intelligence, and humour, their age tends to limit the breadth of their life experience.

So give me a smart, witty woman over 35 and I'll salute her all night long. Every night.

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girldetective

Tao of Love, baby.

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Willravel

Cougars are over 40, right? But, Halle Berry is 43 and any straight man or gay woman with a pulse is going to think she's hot. Is this a trick question?

FelixP

A good looking woman with a decent personality is a good looking woman with a decent personality, regardless of age (within reason). I'm not really going to be hitting on a woman in her mid-forties, but thirties is just fine.

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guy44

I'm not generally attracted to older women, but it varies a lot by person. However, I hate the term.

Not sure how to embed this video from The Daily Show, but it is one of their most brilliant pieces. It perfect encapsulates what I think of that phrase.

Video: Cougars | The Daily Show | Comedy Central

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seamaiden

When I was 48 I was hit on by a 28 year old. (No bars or drinking involved). I said "no" for 20 minutes, but then said 'sure, why not". Now he's with a woman ten years older than him. Some guys just like older women, but that doesn't make us cougers.