If youre 5 10 and 300 lbs is it impossible not to be seen as a brute?
 

I have worked at the company I work for for 8 years, and I am (I am not boasting) the person who knows the core system best of all, who understands what we do day to day best of all. shortly I have no involvment in strategic decisions, but operationally control everything the business does.

And, this month, something happened that made me feel like shit.

I am by turns completely careless about my weight and deeply upset by it. It troubles me enough to damage my self esteem, but not enough to make me make a concerted effor to lose weight. Many people here know the kind of size I am, but for those that dont, Im 5 10 tall, and weigh between 280 and 310lbs normally (and in bad times have got close to 330)

Im an definitely fat, but also I think big and strong rather than round and soft.

Recently my company had a dispute with a trucker who we had given license to park his wagons at the side of our fuel depot (basically the trucker threatened the site operator we employ and was served notice) He arranged a meeting in our office to argue his case about not being thrown off the site (which could mean him losing his O license) and my boss (who is on the board of the parent company that owns my company) asked me to be in the meeting with him and the guy who's actual job it is to deal with this shit.

So I went along. And just before the meeting my boss told me the trucker guy was a huge guy who was violent and he basically wanted me to be there for that reason. I wasnt that happy about it. The meeting went as exectedand the guy started getting abusive, as if on cue I stood up and told him to calm down and that the best thing he could hope for was just being chucked off his site... nothing else happened of course.

But I really resent it.

If I wasnt a big fat pig I wouldnt (as a manager and expert in the company) be called in to basically act like a bouncer. But I still do it and play along with the whole persona, out of some idiotic sense of macho pride.

I dont even know what this thread is about to be honest... but there must be other people on here who feel the same or have been in the same situations, as a big guy why do you always have to be considered as a thug?

I see them as jolly and fun to run around.

Seriously.

You're an intimidating fella', man.

I wouldn't be down about that, but, then again, I'm not you...

Good god man you're taking this the wrong way. What just happened shows that others look up to you as a protector, as someone who they can trust if shit gets serious. What's wrong with that??

Try weighing the same as you, but being a female.

No, I don't weigh this much any longer, but I did for a couple years. I am still 5'10" tho :p.

I would, and still, feel like an oaf. Girls are supposed to be cute, petite, dainty flowers. And I've always towered over them all... and the boys... throughout my school years. My dream man is 6'3" or taller. And unfortunately, my most recent ex was what I always wanted physically (6'5" - 310lbs) but we didn't work out.

The thinnest I've ever been was 127lbs and I was strung out on coke then. I was very skinny yet curvy. I actually wore a size 12 at that waif weight. I won't state my actual numbers right now lol, but I could stand to lose a few.

Regardless, I think I have an idea of what you're feeling. I'm never going to be the teeny tiny blonde cheerleader who gets on top of the pyramids. And I don't like it. I hate it. But such is life.

Dear Strange - I would resent this too. You are justified in being ticked off! I'm not sure if I can express this correctly, but you seem in all ways to be a very professional person and a competent representative of your company. It makes me wonder if the main guy who needed you there is perhaps- a bit of a wimp (or even wanker!) to put you in this situation. Is it done & settled? I hope so. Maybe it's time that you mention to the boss that you prefer to be needed for your talent and brains, not your brawn.

Just saying. In any event I hope it all worked out and that's that.

Take care. You are so much more than they know!!!!

Dude, my dad is 6'5" and 230, and all of my family on that side are quite tall. Are they all basketball players? No, of course not. Do people ask stupid shit like that all the time? Yeah. You learn to deal with it. People have always made cracks about my dad being intimidating. Given his chosen career (school administrator), he uses his size as a tool when he needs to.

I wouldn't worry about it so much. Having a physical presence is not always a bad thing. Learning when projecting that presence is appropriate is a good skill to have.

Personally, my impression of you has always been of a cuddly teddy bear.

I'm 5'10" tall as well. I used to feel awkward, but now I love it. I never did want to be the little blond cheerleader, but I love how dainty some girls are. I am very proud of my height, I learned it is a great asset. I'm as strong as many men, I can handle myself in most situations , and I can reach things for the short people.

My So is shorter than me, 5'7". It's only other people who seem to have a problem with it. I was offended when a guy came up to me and asked if I was really with him. Why do people think women can't be with a shorter guy?

SF you should wear it a as badge of honor. I think Lasereth has it right, others look up to you as a protector, as someone who they can trust if shit gets serious. I was that and more to a lot of my friends.

I believe it's all in how you see yourself. People tend to make initial judgments based solely upon appearance. That's okay, because those are people who don't matter. Those who are potential friends or relationships of any type are going to hear you and find out who you are before forming opinions.

I'm overweight but walk with pride. I feel sorry for those who are quick to judge because they'll never get to know the good friend they might have had.

Even when I was slim, I've always thought that big guys who carry themselves with confidence are very sexy. I don't think I'd see you as a thug.

I used to weigh 293 and I'm 5'10". People considered me stocky but not a brute. Think of yourself as Bud White from LA Confidential - you are trustable, respected and firm.

The real question is: When you have been known to slay a Polar Bear and a Bengal Tiger with your bare hands, is it impossible to not be seen as a brute?

And I thought you were a girl... funny how text doesn't translate much else but thoughts.

Honestly, man to man (now that I know), quit whining. If you don't like your weight, you can lose it. Yes you may be fighting genetics, but it can be done. If you eat junk, stop. If you sit on your ass all day, stop. If you eat veggies and lowfat foods but still carry the excess weight, then I take back what I said and apologize in advance.

You're a big guy. You command respect. Consider yourself blessed, seriously. Would you rather be some skinny nerd that breaks 5 bones if he slips on the sidewalk?

what the vigilante said...

A lot of my bf's when I was younger were my height or shorter. Then I realized I'm just not comfortable with men like that. I want to feel 'small.' It's a complex - no doubt lol. I want to feel safe and secure and cradled and cozy and bleh bleh *gag.* I finally decided that's it - if some men prefer blondes, then I sure as hell have a right to prefer tall men.

I think that's great you're secure with all you stand for (heh.) I do still insist on wearing heels regardless of my tower-like stature, as they just look better with suits in the workplace.

And yes, I enjoy not having a step stool in my kitchen lol.

Sometimes we step into the roles people expect of us.
Sometimes this drives us crazy, but we find success in that role.
Sometimes those around us see us in an entirely different and new light.
It's occasionally refreshing but mostly frustrating.

My wife is like that too. She dated one short guy, never again. She comes to my chin and obviously preferred that over the eye-to-eye match ;)

Yeah - it's mandatory now.
I'll never settle for less again.

...get it? 'less?' agh.

wooÐs, you know, many girls can't be models unless they're your height, I think they select from 5' 8" and higher. You would do well in the beautiful people world.

Well yah, I do. :p

But no, I'm not thrilled with my height. We all want what we don't have I suppose!

It's an asset.

You can be the professional, knowing the best way to steer your company and command the respect of all of those you work with.

Your physical stature supports this.

So you command respect with both size and brains? Some people would kill for just one.

Edit:

I'm a big guy. For fun, when meeting new people, I'll grunt and barely talk. You know, encourage the 'brute' idea. Then towards the end of the evening I'll bring up my interest in the evolution of chronic disease or the viewpoints of my favorite philosophers. Watch the looks. Priceless.

It comes in handy when you need to KO 17 street punks...

Don't resent it, embrace it. I have been called upon for the same exact reason - intimidation factor (at my biggest I was 6'4" 315, although probably not nearly as strong as you).

Pfft, you could be 6'1" and 165. Regardless of martial arts training, nobody calls that model of guy intimidating.

I'm 6'6" with forearms and biceps roughly the diameter of a roll of desktop scotch tape.

I echo the sentiment above, take it as a compliment that you were seen as a protector. People like to feel protected.

My ex was 6'1" and between 260-400lbs. He cultivated that "big man" image to go along with his size. He also thought that he was healthy and strong as opposed to round and soft.

Until he ended up with diabetes, high blood pressure, and was turned down for life insurance.

Should you feel insulted that people find your physical presence comforting? I don't think so. But you should also consider that 5'10" and 300lbs is just not healthy. I remember being in that "not bothering" mode for almost a decade. I had a wake-up call with gestational diabete while pregnant and ended up dropping about 70lbs. Losing weight and getting healthier doesn't have to mean living on rabbit food and being miserable. I eat more now (weighing significantly less) because I do weight training and eat a lot of protein and veggies. I feel better. I'm stronger. I look better. I'll live longer.

Oh, and my ex went to Overeaters Anonymous and has dropped below 200lbs for the first time in his life. I should mention that he has struggled with his body image as he's used to being a physically intimidating presence and now he's just a guy. Perhaps your size makes *you* feel safe.

I'm 5'9", and hover between 135-145. I'm not a confrontational guy, but even if I wanted to be it would end very quickly, I'm sure. Sometimes I'd kill to be just like you, people don't overstep their boundaries, or take some tone of speech they shouldn't.
Of course, sometimes people might take a step back even when you're doing nothing to be intimidating, and that could be frustrating. But I'm always the guy who has to step back, and defuse shit. Because plan B doesn't work for me, ya know?
I'm with the "feel blessed" crowd.

Not everyone judges people based on their appearance. Some do, but that's life. My friends are friends based on what is inside, not based on their gender, size, height, hairstyle, or whatever. I have friends who appear to be intimidating but are actually quite calm and rational...and a female friend who will take on anyone who crosses her. You can't change people who stereotype others. It happens. I've tried to challenge the opinions of people who stereotype me for some reason or another, and it never changes anything. It's hard to ignore, but you can try.

"How tall are you?" I'm 6'8", and if you think I'm tall you should see my "little" brother. People stereotype everyone based on appearance as a first impression and the ones who claim they don't are twice as guilty of it.

I'm at about 290 and losing weight, and I find that rather than assuming I'm a big brute, I'm more bothered by the fact that "big" is followed by "and dumb" in most peoples' minds. Not to brag, but I'm way above average intelligence and can hold a conversation on just about any subject off the top of my head. It does bother me, but it's also helped to build my confidence and develop ways to subtly show my intelligence without bragging just to make sure people don't stereotype me as the big dumb guy. I don't really get put into the bouncer role like you did since I work at a University, but a few times I've had no problem letting a friend get me between them and someone who was bothering them, or helping to break up a fight once in a while.

If you want to lose weight so that you aren't viewed this way anymore, it's actually very easy. This summer alone, I've lost roughly 15 pounds. It's all about how you eat. I didn't even really exercise (just normal day to day stuff like helping people move and actively choosing to walk to places rather than drive). The key is to eat healthy. Instead of eating junk food, eat your vegies. And, vegetarian food is actually good.

If its any consolation, "big and dumb" are the last words that come to mind when I see a post by MSD. Assuming MSD even remotely matches MSD-IRL, I think you're doing alright. :)

Intelligence is in the face, not in the beanstalks holding said face in the clouds.

well, this is what Im built like. I mean, obviously you cant be my size and not fat, but I think I dont *look* like a kind of "clinically obese" kind of guy.

I'm 6'2" and 250lb, so I guess I'm in your boat.

I think I'd be unhappy with the treatment you got.

Just remember, that fat people are harder to kidnap!

Jokes aside... I'm 5'10" and 270-ish - I grew up a skinny kid, and never got rid of that mentality. So me being the "friendly giant" is still weird in my head. Yes, I'm a big guy - yes I can lift a lot even though I don't work out (somehow the gene pool blessed my family with ox like strength), yes, I'd rather be known for my intellect vs. my size - but you know, sometimes being the "big guy" is nice because people don't bug you if you put on a grumpy face. :)

Are you looking for opinions? Or just showing an example?

No - I wouldn't call you obese.

However, fucking society calls anyone 13lbs overweight obese. It's such an offensive word, period.

Listen, I mean this in the nicest way possible. As someone who bounds around at 6'6" and have spanned 265-330 at various points in my history. I'm going to be honest with you and not coddle you on this issue. Yes, you're overweight, a doctor or a physician would tell you the same.

This thread isn't about that, and as you said, it's not bothering you enough to do something about it. But all I can say I I suggest you try. My experience says "yes" you will feel so much better with the weight off.

Society is full of shallow fuckheads, while not everyone is, there's probably more prejudice to "fatties" than minorities. If you're worried about job opportunities passing you up, or potential friendship/relationship issues, being solidly confident and settled with "who you are" is an important thing. Your physical presence needs to match your mental presence. You need to project outward what you want people to see on the inside before they'll take the time to get to know the real you.

all that aside, I know EXACTLY how you feel when it comes to people using your stature to compensate for their lack of.

In my experience, despite what others say in this thread, they don't "look up to you" in any sort of reverence, they look down at you as a "tool" in their toolkit to deal with and involve you in problems that aren't yours to deal with.

Your mileage may vary.