clavus

When was the last time you fell down? I mean all the way down, dumping your body on the ground. Were you alone? In public? On foot? On a bike?

Let's talk about falling down.

Picture me, wearing a backpack, holding a folding chair, soccer ball, water bottle, and Barbarian Child's hand as we ran across the street to Junior's soccer game. Picture a typical typical 40-year old, white suburban, soccer-dad doosh..

Now picture me just baaaaaaaaaaaarely clipping the curb with my toe, as I attempted to finish my street-crossing.

I tried not to crash and burn. For the next twenty feet or so I attempted to catch up with my center of gravity, doing one of those forward-leaning runs, pinwheeling my arms while my feet slapped the pavement in flat, uncoordinated strides; dropping shit and leaning farther and farther forward until I was past the point of no return.

I didn't just fall down. I blew up.

Have you ever seen a race car go into a long skid, then suddenly start flipping end over end and coming apart? That was me.

I skidded and tumbled, eventually coming to rest on my back. My worldly possessions were scattered behind, beside and beyond me. Barbarian Child was in the debris field, clutching a skinned knee, crying in pain and frustration.

"Why did you do that, Daddy?!"

I tried to scoop up all my stuff, comfort my kid and get my other kid onto the soccer field as quickly as possible. I failed to notice that I lost my phone. It must have hit the EJECT button when it saw me was going down.

I went back to the crash site later; but the phone, like my dignity, was gone.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Leto

Thursday October 9th, approx 6:18 am.

I was running (er.. jogging) on the return home leg of my morning 6km run (er... jog) listiening to Focus on my mp3 player (yes I'm a '70's prog rock freak) and I am tracking my approach to one of those yellow nylon straps that bind boxes of photocopier paper, which is lying on the side of the road near the curb.

Stupidly, I run (uhh.. jog) over top of it. I must have timed my rear foot pass over the loop of nylon as my front foot was still on it (stupido) which caused me to pitch forward in such a manner as if both of my shoe laces were suddenly tied together.

Luckily I managed to break my fall onto the asphalt with the palms of both hands, my right forearm and my right hip.

If I was elderly, I'm sure I would have broken said hip.



I came down so fast that I actually heard the impact through the strains of Hokus Pokus (remember Focus? ya the yodelling song. it's loud).



Over the weekend, I was wondering why my right hip was tender. Then it all came crashing back to me.

What an old goof I am.

Vigilante

About a month and a half ago I was cruising on my bike on a series of concrete trails we have throughout the area called the greenbelt. A tropical storm was blowing through so it was wet. I hit a patch of clay, but I didn't think anything of it. I got about 20 feet further and had to turn sharply on the trail. It turned out to be a slick spot on the concrete and the clay didn't help. My front wheel came out from under me so fast that I barely had time to react. I hit the concrete hard, with the impact mainly on my hands, my left elbow and my left knee. I slid for several feet and the concrete, instead of being rough, had sharp edges in that area instead, which shredded my knee and elbow into a bloody mess. Since it was slick, my left hand slipped out from under me, shot forward, and nearly ripped my arm out of socket as my ribs slapped the ground. I laid there for a second, got up and assessed the damage, took a deep breath to make sure I hadn't broken a rib, and turned around and rode the 5 miles home. By the time I got home the rain had drained my shredded skin of blood, and it was gray like hamburger meat where I had slid on the ground.

My knee took a month to heal, and even then I knocked the healing skin off 3 times just being clumsy. The tissue was still forming underneath, which appeared spongy when the skin was removed. Kinda weird and cool at the same time, but VERY painful, even just being touched lightly. It's a nice dark spot now, but not nearly as sensitive as before.

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We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill

ratbastid

Where I come from, somebody standing nearby would yell, "Yard sale!"

That term is mostly used when you wipe out skiing and shit goes everywher, leaving a field of skis, poles, gloves, hat, pants, shirt, underwear, etc.

Last time I fell right down? Couple years ago when I discovered that enough pot to make me high also makes me faint. Yeah. Fun party.

inBOIL

I was trail running and clipped a protruding rock. I hate having the palms of my hands scraped up, so I pulled them back as I fell, taking the brunt of the fall with my shoulder and hip. Got just a few scrapes, and fortunately nobody was around witness the event.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

Bear Cub

The Boardwalk at Hershey Park early this past summer. The ground is pretty slick to begin with, but the lines they paint on the ground is very similar to that used for public roads. The ground may as well have been lined with teflon, because the instant my weight shifted when I went to pick up a tube, down I went.

The time before that was on black ice in front of my apartment complex when I was still in college. Had a backpack on, and it was all over. Looked like a damn cartoon, legs out in front of me and flat on my back, turtle style, legs and arms out to the side.

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Living in the United Socialist States of America.

Supple Cow

A few weeks ago I rode my bike into a tree and bloodied my elbow. I was trying to take a picture and not stop at the same time. Bad move.

I also fell off my bike at the beginning of the summer when a crotchety old man yelled at me to "walk the bike" on the path near a historic site. I didn't know the sidewalk was also historical, but I slowed down anyway. Apparently, the slowing down of a person on a fixed gear bike is not fast enough so he barked at me again (now behind me), "WALKIT!" I was so startled that I turned a bike and jumped in my seat, just enough to yank the bike to one side and get my foot trapped in the pedal's straps. I pretty much just stopped and fell over very slowly. I half expected somebody next to me to yell, "Timmmmmmmberrrrrr!"

Plus, of course, this happened while I was at work and my knee decided to swell up and cause me to limp. I had people coming in and out of my office looking at me pitifully and the safety officer had to do paperwork for DAYS thanks to me.

__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
(Michael Jordan)

Grasshopper Green

Last winter I walking out to the car with my son and hit a patch of black ice on the sidewalk. Thankfully I wasn't holding his hand. He just looked at me impatiently and said "Mooooooom...get uppppppp!", while my buttbone protested any movement whatsoever.

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"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

ngdawg

Our office closed down for four weeks and while the bosses were taking a cross-country vacation, it was up to us workers to keep the place going at a minimal rate.
On July 30, my day to check the phone messages and emails, I brought my camera to photograph things in the garden for my own amusement.I asked my friend to meet me and we would go have lunch after I was done at the office. Now, each Monday we are supposed to turn on the sprinkler if there was no rain, so bosslady moved her potted plants to the garden.
I didn't know this.
I took a few shots of some daisies as my friend stood nearby. I turned to leave and took a face plant into the Hydrangea bed, landing squarely on my left knee on the brick path. Fucking flower pots....
After spitting out some mulch, I realized I couldn't move. My friend rushed over to help me but my leg refused to bend, turn or cooperate in any way.
I told him he'd better call the emt's, so he did. 15 minutes later, no emt's and they are two blocks away. He called again but this time directly to the police desk(he has connections) and they said they never got a call. In seconds, the rescue squad arrived and I was taken to the local ER, where, after x-rays, etc., the attending PA announced I had a fractured tibia.
Five days later, I learned it wasn't broken, just really badly bruised. D'oh!

Now we're in August....it's August 31 to be exact and same friend is at my house as we are to go riding for a bit. As he and the spouse sit on the porch chatting, I stroll across my front yard....and trip over a hole.
As I'm writhing and rubbing my ankle, the spouse, showing his tender side, yells, "What the hell did you DO NOW?" "Uh..fell in that hole." "There's no hole there!" He comes over..."Oh. Guess there's a hole there."
They both help me up and I hobble over to sit on the steps. The ankle, same leg as the bruised bones one from a month ago, hurts like hell.
We went riding anyway. And when I wanted to stop to take pictures, my friend helped me walk.

Well, to make a long story not so painfully long, this time I did break a bone. Hairline fracture on the ankle. I'm currently wearing a tortuous strap-on molded plastic-puffy-bag-lined contraption and have two more weeks to enjoy it.

Ya know, when you walk with a cane, people pay attention and are very apologetic when they think they got in your way. And when you skip, your friends giggle.

Ayashe

Towards the end of winter as I was in the parking ramp at work. My mind was so focused on getting my rump into the building I hadn't noticed the very slick patch of black ice in the ramp. I was carrying my purse, and ever present coffee mug(full of tea) As I was sailing to the ground backwards, for whatever reason my brain was thinking hot tea! Needless to say I bore the brunt of my landing on my right elbow keeping the cup fairly upright, also hitting my head on the concrete. I managed to save the tea.. Thankfully the elbow is one of the strongest bones in the human body.

NoSoup

Although this isn't the last time I'm fallen, I'm sure, it is by far the most memorable.

Growing up, I lived near a four lane street that was under heavy construction and was blocked off entirely for a brief period. During this period, I was walking across said street, not really paying to much attention to where I was walking, when suddently the earth opened up and swallowed me.

Either that, or I nonchalantly thought I could apply Jesus power and walk unscathed over an open manhole. Either way, it wasn't a fun 8-10 foot fall, straight down, in the most unlikely of places...

Fortunately, only a few scrapes and bruises - nothing broken, except my pride.

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I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...

clavus

heh heh heh.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

ColonelSpecial

I was rushing around the restaurant I was managing trying to do too many things at once. I was carrying a large stack of dishes: hotel pans (large metal pans), smaller serving pans and some spoons. I had my work shoes on which are supposed to be non-slip but there was water on the floor, I caught the corner wrong and slipped. The dishes went one way, I put my hands up to cover my face and fell flat on my back and hit my head on the tile floor. The skirt I was wearing came up towards my hips and I just laid there for a bit. The employees who saw me came around and asked me if I was okay. I was fine but my butt and head hurt for a long time.

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"Mommy, the presidents are squishing me!"

"Using the pull out method of contraceptive is like saying I won't use a seat belt, I'll just jump out of the car before it hits that tree."

Sara

Willravel

Running at Villa Montalvo I took a mighty spill on the redwood trail a few weeks back. I rolled a bit, but fortunately I'm no worse for the wear.

ryfo

Had fluid build up behind one ear, when I had thhe flu about a month ago. Went to walk down the hall and tottered for a bit then crash..hit the floor hard. Not hurt at all, but I did notice the dust bunnies under the hall cabinet!!!

laconic1

A couple of months ago I was helping push start a stick shift car that had a non functioning starter. I'm 6'3" so I was bent over some just reaching the trunk lid to push. We were running, the driver dumped the clutch and got the car started and pulled away. Since I was running at a pretty good clip while bent over when the car that was holding me up pulled away there was nothing I could do except go face first into the asphalt.

Fotzlid

Last time was a couple of winters ago. I was walking down my steep driveway and was suddenly looking up at the sky. Happened so fast, I didn't feel a thing. I just decided to lay there for awhile waiting for the pain to catch up, but I was fine.

LoganSnake

Last winter. Was carrying a box of video tapes from the car to my gf's home. Stepped off the snow covered grass and onto the snow covered sheet of ice that was covering the sidewalk. My foot slipped as soon as I put my weight on it and I fell hip first, elbow second onto the ice. After a couple of seconds of lying motionless assessing the damage, and after about 5 minutes of laughter, I got up with gf's help and continued toward my destination. The hip hurt for about a week afterward.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

lostgirl

A few years back, I ran in wet socks on a slick floor. Like a cartoon my legs went up over my head and I landed flat on my back. I did this in front of my roommates boyfriend. As soon as I could breathe again I started laughing really hard at thought of how funny that must have looked to him. He was so concerned I was really hurt, and I couldn't stop laughing.

Fremen

Oh clavus, you so funny!

I have a couple of carpet-tripping experiences that are my latest, but they're boring.
So I'll tell about my last 4 four-wheeler wrecks.

The first one was the worst.
My buddy and I were riding some trails near my house, heading home, when I came upon a two foot tall bump in the trail that's sometimes used for jumping.
Because of my weight, I don't try the jumps. (usually)

I was trailing behind my buddy a good way, so I decided to catch up with him.
I was going about 20-25 mph when I suddenly and violently remembered the bump.
I applied the brakes (I think) and then hit the bump, flipped forward over the handlebars, landed on my left hand, followed quickly by my face.
I scraped my face along the ground a few feet, then felt the four-wheeler land on my legs and lower back.
As soon as everything was settled, I knew I was hurt, because I could see the dripping blood.
I brought my hand up to feel my face and felt my forehead pulled down over my right brow.
Luckily, I don't panic easily.
I held the flap up with one hand, while I wiggled out from under the four wheeler and looked around for my phone.
It had fallen out of the case and was about 5 feet from me.
When I tried to stand, that's when I realized I had hurt my left hand and right knee.
I kinda butt-walked over to my phone, called my friend to bring me some towels and call the ambulance and direct them to my location.

After getting my wounds cleaned of dirt and whatnot and stitched up in the ER, then having to get the stitches removed 3 days later and drains put in because of infection, and then restitched, then going through the process of having a cast on my hand for a few weeks, then a smaller cast, all the while while walking with a cane for a wrenched knee, you'd think I'd stay away from four-wheelers. Ha! As if!

I had 3 more wrecks where I dumped the four-wheeler on its side, doing stupid shit.
The first was riding down a dirt road and deciding to ride on the raised sides (dumped!), the second was trying to do a donut in a gravel pit and it getting away from me (dumped!), and the third and last, following on another trail with the same buddy and trying to go over a fallen log, too slow, with just the two left wheels. (dumped!)
That last one, I thought at first I was bleeding again, because something wet was dripping onto me. I realized it wasn't red, then I thought, "Oh shit, it's gas!" (ok, a little panicky that time)
Heh, turns out it was my Dr. Pepper dripping out of the straw as it's strapped to the gun rack.

I pretty much decided I'm not cut out to ride a four-wheeler.

P.S. What's galling about the whole first wreck (besides the injuries) was the newspaper article our small paper ran about it.
They at least got my name right, but then they said EMT's responded to a call of a four-wheeler accident out in the country, but it turned out I wasn't seriously hurt and they released me at the scene. (righhhht)
They went on to do a PSA about riding motorcycles and atv's with a helmet.
I feel used!

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Google

Cynosure

Last year, while cleaning out the gutters of my house, I realized the ladder I had used to get up on the roof was now at a bad angle, so I thought it less risky to try a controlled release-jump from the roof edge. But when I hit the ground, I ended up falling down. Afterward, my feet, ankles, and the palms of my hands were a little sore, but that soon faded. However, a few days later, after a running-workout on the treadmill, I came down with an acute case of planar fasciitis on one of my feet, which was no doubt due to my fall from the roof. It took me months to heal from that, which sidelined my running-workout plan.

Evidently, I'm not as agile and felixble as I used to be. In my teens and early 20's, I could do – and did – that sort of thing and suffer no lasting effects.

Getting old sucks.
-----Added 15/10/2008 at 11 : 42 : 34-----
Been there. Done that. But that was a few years ago, and since then I've learned to be more watchful for and respectful of ice patches on the sidewalks and walkways, especially the "black ice" variety.

guthmund

Dude.

Furniture polish residue from earlier in the day + faux wood floor + new socks = pudgy 30 year old man screaming like a girl and waving arms wildly as his feet slip completely out from under him.

I also have a habit of not watching for my chair at work. I could be reading paperwork, talking to someone...whatever. Last time I was going over copies of returned checks and forgot that I had moved my chair out to grab a rogue pen earlier. My ass lightly hit the edge of the chair and then slipped all the way out. Again, more screaming like a girl and flailing.

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No signature. None. Seriously.

Manic_Skafe

Who'd have known we were such a clumsy bunch?

A few weeks ago, I was drunkenly bumbling down the platform staircase to catch the train and with only three steps left, my shoes lost their grip and my load bearing foot shot out from underneath me. Luckily enough, my camera on my arm and I landed on my messenger bag.

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

samcol

Since I wrecked my motorcycle something has been very wrong with my knee. It's been getting better, but I suspect something will never be right with it despite surgery and therapy.

Almost everyday I nearly fall flat on my face trying to walk over some obstacle. Usually I catch myself and give a painful wince. Other days I literally fall down in pain.

I had always thought it was funny when people would talk about their past injuries from football or whatever, but it sneaks up on me when I least expect it to and lets me know who's boss.

Being only 25 and in good physical shape, I am very concerned about falling becoming a common occurence, much sooner than I would like to admit.

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It's time for the president to hand over his nobel peace prize.

laudanum

I was coming back from a long bike ride and got clipped by a cab door on Saturday.

Dammit, it was after riding 25 miles and I got into that spill less than a half mile from home.

Before that was also on the bike, three months before. I was coming back from a 40 mile ride and hit a pedestrian. This was also less than a mile from home.

They say that most the majority of accidents happen less than 5 miles from home.

Guess I better move! <insert rim shot>

...thanks folks I'll be here all the week. Be sure to tip your waitstaff!


Laudanum

Redjake

The last time I fell down was traumatic, but believe it or not, I had ZERO injuries - this just furthered my belief that I have a bit of Bruce Willis from Unbreakable in me.

I was trying to step over the dog fence we have in my parent's house, and I tripped and I actually pivoted on my waist over the top of the fence and landed HEAD FIRST on the other side - my body hit the ground with my HEAD, then the rest of my poured into the floor afterwards like a snake. I didn't just slowly fall, I tripped and fell flat on my face, it shook the entire house. For some reason, I didn't get carpet burn, any bruises, or anything at all - it was actually kind of eerie, because my Dad saw me do it and was like CALL THE AMBULANCE!!!!

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Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

Poppinjay

Clavus, I'm there with you. 40 year old soccer daddy, though the boy isn't yet old enough to kick a ball.

Carrying all that shit is destablizing. I miss those times when I fell down due to substances. Now I just fall down due to the load from Ikea.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Drider_it

My current job is construction.. concrete construction. My job is to make my boss happy. Make sure all the measurements are right. Every thing is squared, and tight. When they dump 50 yds. of concrete it goes smooth.

It was over, finally the job was done. I was walking around the slab, checking for cracks the next day. (Not that it mattered, cuz its post tention cables. They come back in a week and pull each cable inside the slab with 33k psi. You can't pull out a cig paper once its pulled.) Hands in my pockets I was being an ass, telling my crew that you had to be aware of your surroundings on any construction job. (our weekely safety meeting) I was using my elbows to point out potential dangers they left lying around. All this I was doing, as I was inspecting the slab.

The day was humid, as any day in Louisiana. Damn bugs being ever annoying. The wind was up, due to a hurricane Ike on its way at the time. We were to pack up and head out for the weekend and hopfully safety. A sudden movement caught my eye. One of our new hands was pulling mightly on a crowbar.

"Jame, turn around and work the bar the..." that was as far as I got. The air was rent with a sharp crack, as the 2x8 form snapped off a section and the pry bar flew from his hands. It landed on the slab, flipping twice and began a twirl towards us. Everyone ran in all directions. I stood my ground, watching intently as it whirled towards us. I wasn't gonna move till I knew just where it was going. Unfortunatly, it wanted a date with my shins. I jumped over it, with my hands still in my pockets. A smug look on my face. I beat the odds again.

Slow whistles and nervous laughter followed the event. As I started over to James, wondering what the hell he was doing, and to make sure he was ok; I felt a slight pressure on my left ankle. Resistance met my forward movement as I tried to extend my left leg. Seems I didn't beat the odds. My shoe lace caught the hooked end of the pry bar, and it had began a rotaton to my left foot. As I lifted my leg, heh I missed the first rotation. (thus saving me from a broken ankle) Alas, the second spin, thought the force spent, was enough to snare my movement. As, I began my decent downwards, my mind soared outward in disbelief.

I turned my body so I could break my fall and not my skull, the whole time my hands seemed to have lost the ability to find the pocket exits. For the briefest moment, I had the vision that it wasn't me falling, that the world sprang up to crash into me. On the way down, I looked out at the woods around us. Every one swears later I said one word:

"Surreal"

I guess I didn't beat the odds that day after all. Since then, I made it a point to keep focus and keep my damn hands outta my pockets.

On a side note... I took 4 sec. for me to roll to my back pull my feet under me, bend my body and stand up. All with my hands still in my pockets.

I was sore for a week cuz of that fall.

I got back to my truck, sat down and laughed for about 10 min. I was so mad at myself I had tears of fustration pouring down my face. Took me about 20 min. to calm down so I could get back to my work.

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It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

Leto

Reminds me of this:

Jozrael

THOSE ADS ARE FLIPPING SCARY.

Those are the canadian ones. There are even WORSE ones for England.

*shiver*

MSD

I slipped this morning and twisted my ankle because I didn't Watch The Gap like the signs on the train tell everyone to. Would have been fine if it weren't for the last time I fell and did it right. A combination of a wood floor, open door, pouring rain, half a dozen beers, more carbombs and Jager bombs than I care to remember, a few shots of grain, and bare feet. Slipped, put my entire weight into a doorframe by way of my ankle. That was January of last year and it still hurts.

Eweser

I don't think this was the last time I fell, but it's definitely the last memorable time. Our front porch just has boards going across it. They aren't bolted down, just laying there. And before I fell, some of them weren't even full boards and they didn't even cover the porch. One in particular was just long enough to go across two of the braces. I had been stepping on the end and almost falling for a few days, then one day I did it good. You know that moment when you realize you're not going to be able to avoid the fall? Well the reason the board didn't go all the way across was that it was broken, so as I'm falling I see the jagged edges coming up towards me. I think to myself "this is going to stab me right in the gut". So I shove at it with my right arm, which means it's the first thing I land on. (Still have a bruise-like scar there.) Well, I landed perfectly to hit the foot of one of the braces (this thing had to be no longer than two inches) with my head, above my right eyebrow. My husband had been doing something with his back to me and turned around to say something and later told me he was surprised to see that I wasn't on the porch anymore. I had to lay there for a minute to calm myself and then when I finally got up I realized my head was bleeding. Needless to say, my husband fixed the porch the next day.

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"Whoever wrote this episode should die!"

Martian

I don't remember the last time I fell. I have excellent balance.

And now I sit and wait for hubris to strike...

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Zeraph

Hah, thought this was going to be an MS awareness thread at first.

Does someone purposefully tripping me count? Cause I spar a lot and that can happen. If so, a few months ago. If not, then like 13 years ago when I was still a kid. I'll get tripped up more frequently, but I've always regained my balance before falling.

MoonDog

You know, I seriously cannot think of the last time I fell down. Tripped - that happens all the time because I live in a house with three women who believe that any flat surface that is empty is a gold-foil invitation to fill it with mountains of crap that would be better stored in a closet, drawer, or other appropriate storage area. Even when I have been severaly intoxicated in the past few years, I've not had a "falling down" incident.

Of course, tomorrow I'll probably fall down the stairs :-P

Grancey

Tonight, two hours ago. Red and I had been decorating our yard for Halloween, and he walked around back to put some stuff away while I took some extra lights inside. I walked back out on the porch to wait for him, and somehow......I was at the edge of the steps and I turned to walk back up the steps, but my shoe did not turn and over I went. I reached for a large pot, but I kept going never regaining my balance. As I fell into the rose bush the pot went over as well, and I also hit and knocked over a shepherds hook, a "bird crossing" sign and a gnome. The gnome was unharmed, the sign was bent, and the base of the shepherds hook is also bent. So I landed in the rose bush hip first and then rolled on my butt. So here I am laying there unable to move because if I put my feet or hands down I will surely end up with more thorn damage because I have nothing to grab to pull myself up except thorns. So, I wait....and wait....and wait....for Red to return. I panic thinking that he might enter the house through the back and thinking I was inside just go on about his business. A few minutes later, which seemed like an eternity, Red did return and helped me out of the rose bush. My left leg and arm are severely thorn-damaged, and my left hip makes walking painful. Red says our Halloween decorations have been christened with my blood. Happy Halloween..........

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Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.

thespian86

Great topic.

Last time I can remember was downtown Fredericton, in August, with friends Oliver and Heather. We were walking and decided to sit on a bench that was bolted to the downtown sidewalk. It sat on the edge of the curb, with the back of the seat facing the street. We sat down, and slowly felt the bench peel backwards; we gripped on to each other. If someone would of taken a picture, it would of been similar to those Six Flags Rollercoaster shots; the ones where you look like you'd love to be anywhere but there. We hit the ground and I tried to roll backwards to take some of the fall better but we hit hard and my elbow took a hard hit.

There was a leg missing from the bench. Silly bench.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

ItWasMe

This summer. The kids and I went camping with my parents. I was sitting in a camping chair. My mother pointed out that it had a foot extension. I propped my feet on it. I leaned back as I asked my mom if the chair reclines.

She said "not that far" about the time my head hit the ground.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Apex Shok

Not the last time I fell down, but the most stupid and painful.

This happened on Christmas Eve, 7 years ago.

The family had gotten together for Christmas Eve, lots of food, presents, family, and a whole lotta wine. I was in the process of taking all the loot that my kids scored from the grandparents to the car. While I was down in the car, my brother and sister-in law were out on the deck having a smoke. They didn’t know I was outside. I took this opportunity to sneak up the stairs and get into position. I was 3 stairs down from the landing, in a perfect Ginja crouch (that’s a Giant ninja). I was waiting for the right moment to jump up these three stairs and scare the ever living shit out of my brother and sister in-law. I was sitting there listening in to their conversation when there was a slight lull I struck. The next 2 seconds will go down as one of the most painful and precarious moments of my life.

I jumped. The three stairs, between me and the landing, posed absolutely no problem at all. I made it up to the landing with room to spare. What got me was the landing it's self. It was an older wood deck that is continuously exposed to the elements. My feet hit the slimy deck and then promptly shot out from under me. My large frame then comes crashing down on my posterior. But the pain in my rear was nothing compared to the fear of falling backwards down the stairs, as I slowly tipped backwards. I flailed my arms reaching for anything that might offer me some sort of stability. Luckily I was able to plant my hands on the handrail and the opposite corner to keep this from happening. After recovering and getting myself safely upright and stable, I started to feel the massive thumping that seemed to be growing in my ass. The rest of the night was spent complaining about the pain that was growing in my ass and making sure every one knew exactly how many stairs I cleared before my tragic crash and burn.

The next morning the pain was intense! Now I know what it's like to be the new guy on g-block. My ass was sore! As I hobbled to the bathroom my wife lets out this huge gasp. She told me to look at my backside in the mirror. So I did. From the middle of my hamstring to the top of my but crack was dark purple. It was one massive bruise!

Next stop, the emergency room.

After explaining to the resident what happened and how much I drank, and how one wouldn't have happened without the other. I got my x-rays. Where my tailbone should have been was a bright white cloud. As it turns out, my fall had atom bombed my tail bone. It was almost completely pulverized, nothing but tiny little fragments of bone floating around where my tail bone used to be. The resident then asked if he could stick a finger up my ass. At first I was hesitant, but after he explained that one of those little pieces could have perforated my colon and if infected would kill me, I let him.

The prescribed treatment for a fractured tail bone?

Vicoden
Anti-inflammatory meds
And a stupid looking cushion to sit on.

__________________
Generic Suburban Dad

surferlove007

Man...well the last time I was staying at my parents house I fell. I was frolicking down the curved staircase in my typical happy fashion..skipping a few stairs on my way toward the bottom..the same way I had done hundreds of times before in high school...well I landed at an angle on the rug at the bottom which promptly slid out from under me on the newly cleaned wooden floors...

Those wood floors...they're hard without a rug to land on. I landed hard on my ass. Knocked the wind out of myself too. Fortunately...the cats were the only ones to see as my parents were not home.