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11-03-2007, 08:59 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Please touch this.
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
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Stupid USB Devices
There is a guy in my office who loves his USB ports. We call him the wizard because he walks around with a big hat, an intricately carved walking stick, and a belt with fancy tassels. He is eccentric and nerdy beyond compare. He is the kind of person I envision when I think about all of the stupid USB gadgets in the world and the people who use them.
Here are a couple of the gadgets that you can find on his desk: Snake fan:  Conceptually, this is not a stupid idea, but when you hear the hideous noise this thing makes, you wonder what the point is. Beverage Cooler:  That's right. You put your cup on top of this and it keeps it chilled. In theory. We stole it from his desk while he was out of the office and tried it out for a day. This thing couldn't keep Dick Cheney's heart cold. Those are just the ones I could get pictures of, but it got me thinking about all the other terrible USB devices out there. I then scoured the internet for the worst and this is what I came up with: USB Mini Fridge:  If the beverage cooler wasn't good enough, there is a mini fridge to keep your Diet Coke cool while you sit on your ass all day. USB Lighter:  It takes a special kind of dweeb to light his cigarettes with a device plugged into a computer. USB Ashtray:  It takes an even more special kind of dweeb to use this thing. Parents, I guarantee that if your kids saw you using one of these, they wouldn't think smoking was cool. USB Knee Warmers:  I'm worried about the people who actually own these. I'm also curious about the procedure of getting up and going to the restroom. Do you slip out of the knee pads or do you walk to the loo with USB cables dangling from your legs? USB Massage Ball:  I have a good marketing idea for this. Get some lesser-known fast food chain to package this with their kids meal. It looks cheap and simple enough, not to mention right on par with the shady toys you always see from those kinds. The uproar will spur sales like nothing else. USB Infrared Pain Soother:  Technology and new age medicine working together in perfect harmony. After finding this, I immediately searched to see if there was a USB Chi Balancer. No such luck. USB Toothbrush:  Dumbfounding concepts like these illicit a very narrow range of responses. If I told you what I am thinking, there's a good chance you're thinking the same exact thing. USB Amber Alert Child Identification Kit:  For the paranoid and incompetent parents among us. No snarky comment I could make is worthy of the hilarious absurdity of this device. Step 1) Simply use the tools provided on this USB drive to store all the information about your kid on an easily misplaced/re-appropriated gadget. Step 2) Gain piece of mind and reassurance... of WHAT?!? USB Potpourri:  Look out, Glade. I wanna see the combo of lighter, ashtray and this genius device all plugged into the same USB hub. Through this search, I was unable to find the holy grail of useless USB devices. Sure, I found a USB aquarium. A USB hamster wheel. A USB pole dancer. Even a USB teddy bear. But there is one device that tops everything you've seen here. It is a USB mouse nudger. It nudges your mouse every 5 minutes to cancel out your screen saver. Genius!
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You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals] |
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11-03-2007, 10:29 AM
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#3 (permalink) | |
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peekaboo
Location: on the back, bitch
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Quote:
 Ok...those are pretty much all WTF??? items....but the winner is: The toothbrush!! Except, where's the USB sink to spit into? /me awaits the USB BBQ with great anticipation |
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11-03-2007, 11:40 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
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what? no pics of the "the wizard because he walks around with a big hat, an intricately carved walking stick, and a belt with fancy tassels"?!?
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He's the best, of course, of all the worst. Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin... |
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11-03-2007, 11:48 AM
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#5 (permalink) |
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Playing With Fire
Location: Disaster Area
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I feel so inadequate with my usb cordless mouse & keyboard, printer, and usb adapter for my camera......I'm so behind the times....
 How bout the usb home surgery kit??? Comes with usb scalpel, suction hose, & inflatable usb nurse........hmmmm, reminds me of the usb masturbation kit.... 
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Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer... |
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11-03-2007, 12:48 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Wise-ass Latino
Location: Pretoria (Tshwane), RSA
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I just got an idea for a USB-powered air freshener. I think I'm on my way to making millions no, billions of dollars!!
__________________
Cameron originally envisioned the Terminator as a small, unremarkable man, giving it the ability to blend in more easily. As a result, his first choice for the part was Lance Henriksen. O. J. Simpson was on the shortlist but Cameron did not think that such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer. -From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator |
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11-03-2007, 01:11 PM
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#11 (permalink) |
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Illusionary
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They need to make a USB cell phone charger...that would actually make sense....
Never mind...they do
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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha |
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11-03-2007, 04:48 PM
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#12 (permalink) |
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Psycho
Location: Australia
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But wait there's more!
Desktop USB Fondue Set  George Foreman USB iGrill  USB Desktop Tanning Center  USB Microscope - QX5  The ThinkGeek USB Snowbot  USB Doomsday Device Hub  USB Drum Kit  iAXE USB Electric Guitar  USB Mini Desktop Aquarium  USB Plasma Ball  USB Mini Lava Lamp  USB Powered Shaver  USB Tape Dispenser Hub 
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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own" "Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part." |
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11-03-2007, 04:54 PM
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#13 (permalink) |
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Playing With Fire
Location: Disaster Area
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Hey, I like the usb lava lamps & plasma ball, I might check the price of the plasma ball, that would look great on top of my PC.....really!.....the aquarium looks kinda cheap though.....
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Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer... |
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11-03-2007, 05:30 PM
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#15 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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USB (Unusually Stupid Bric-a-brac)
Gawd, I thought USB devices were for computer-related things. Don't people use outlets or power bars anymore?
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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11-03-2007, 05:35 PM
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#16 (permalink) | |
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Kick Ass Kunoichi
Location: Oregon
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Quote:
One of my friends had USB-powered Christmas lights that flashed along with music. Pretty cool.
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau |
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11-03-2007, 05:43 PM
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#17 (permalink) | |
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A Storm Is Coming
Location: The Great White North
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Quote:
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If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves. Stangers have the best candy. |
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11-04-2007, 08:30 AM
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#18 (permalink) |
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Crazy
Location: The Darkest Parts Of Places Unknown
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My razr v3xx automatically charges when I plug it into my usb port. I use that more then its regular charger.
And I don't use a usb air freshener but I do put a fresh glade plug in type air freshener cartridge on top of my cpu cooler ever month when I blow the dust out of the case. The warmth and air flow circulates freshness through out the entire room for up to 30 days!
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____________________________________________________ Wait a minute...you google searched uncircumsized wang? And we're the best that you could find?~~~~~~~~~ Bill O'Rights ____________________________________________________ |
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11-04-2007, 02:21 PM
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#19 (permalink) | ||
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The sky calls to us ...
Super Moderator
Location: CT
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Quote:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/06...isplay_device/ Quote:
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11-04-2007, 07:12 PM
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#22 (permalink) |
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Eat your vegetables
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
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I need the USB tanner. Can't live without that one. Silly!
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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy |
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11-05-2007, 03:44 AM
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#25 (permalink) | |
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Upright
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Quote:
Oh, and after I read about Ping the robot PS2 accessory at Megatokyo (the webcomic) I've been waiting for someone to invent a USB girlfriend. |
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11-05-2007, 07:51 AM
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#26 (permalink) | |
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Devoted
Donor
Location: New England
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Quote:
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I can't read your signature. Sorry. |
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| Tags |
| devices, stupid, usb |
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