Halx

There is a guy in my office who loves his USB ports. We call him the wizard because he walks around with a big hat, an intricately carved walking stick, and a belt with fancy tassels. He is eccentric and nerdy beyond compare. He is the kind of person I envision when I think about all of the stupid USB gadgets in the world and the people who use them.

Here are a couple of the gadgets that you can find on his desk:

Snake fan:

Conceptually, this is not a stupid idea, but when you hear the hideous noise this thing makes, you wonder what the point is.

Beverage Cooler:

That's right. You put your cup on top of this and it keeps it chilled. In theory. We stole it from his desk while he was out of the office and tried it out for a day. This thing couldn't keep Dick Cheney's heart cold.

Those are just the ones I could get pictures of, but it got me thinking about all the other terrible USB devices out there. I then scoured the internet for the worst and this is what I came up with:

USB Mini Fridge:

If the beverage cooler wasn't good enough, there is a mini fridge to keep your Diet Coke cool while you sit on your ass all day.

USB Lighter:

It takes a special kind of dweeb to light his cigarettes with a device plugged into a computer.

USB Ashtray:

It takes an even more special kind of dweeb to use this thing. Parents, I guarantee that if your kids saw you using one of these, they wouldn't think smoking was cool.

USB Knee Warmers:

I'm worried about the people who actually own these. I'm also curious about the procedure of getting up and going to the restroom. Do you slip out of the knee pads or do you walk to the loo with USB cables dangling from your legs?

USB Massage Ball:

I have a good marketing idea for this. Get some lesser-known fast food chain to package this with their kids meal. It looks cheap and simple enough, not to mention right on par with the shady toys you always see from those kinds. The uproar will spur sales like nothing else.

USB Infrared Pain Soother:

Technology and new age medicine working together in perfect harmony. After finding this, I immediately searched to see if there was a USB Chi Balancer. No such luck.

USB Toothbrush:

Dumbfounding concepts like these illicit a very narrow range of responses. If I told you what I am thinking, there's a good chance you're thinking the same exact thing.

USB Amber Alert Child Identification Kit:

For the paranoid and incompetent parents among us. No snarky comment I could make is worthy of the hilarious absurdity of this device. Step 1) Simply use the tools provided on this USB drive to store all the information about your kid on an easily misplaced/re-appropriated gadget. Step 2) Gain piece of mind and reassurance... of WHAT?!?

USB Potpourri:

Look out, Glade. I wanna see the combo of lighter, ashtray and this genius device all plugged into the same USB hub.


Through this search, I was unable to find the holy grail of useless USB devices. Sure, I found a USB aquarium. A USB hamster wheel. A USB pole dancer. Even a USB teddy bear. But there is one device that tops everything you've seen here. It is a USB mouse nudger. It nudges your mouse every 5 minutes to cancel out your screen saver. Genius!

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World's King

You forgot the USB vibrator.

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ngdawg

That'd be the massage ball on a really good 2.0 USB card.
Ok...those are pretty much all WTF??? items....but the winner is:
The toothbrush!! Except, where's the USB sink to spit into?



/me awaits the USB BBQ with great anticipation

Sion

what? no pics of the "the wizard because he walks around with a big hat, an intricately carved walking stick, and a belt with fancy tassels"?!?

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I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

DaveOrion

I feel so inadequate with my usb cordless mouse & keyboard, printer, and usb adapter for my camera......I'm so behind the times....

How bout the usb home surgery kit??? Comes with usb scalpel, suction hose, & inflatable usb nurse........hmmmm, reminds me of the usb masturbation kit....

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ratbastid

I saw a thermal coffee mug at the store today that plugs into a USB port (or a car cigarette lighter) to keep the contents warm. StellaLuna might be getting that for Christmas.

Plan9

What? No USB Nerf missile launcher turret?

FOR SHAME!

I want two.

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QuasiMondo

I just got an idea for a USB-powered air freshener. I think I'm on my way to making millions no, billions of dollars!!

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-From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator

Plan9

Yes, yes... and a USB powered "anatomically correct massager" for the ladies.

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goddfather40

Not an real device, but it would be funny if it were real:

USB Toaster

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tecoyah

They need to make a USB cell phone charger...that would actually make sense....

Never mind...they do

Attached Images

S1003606964.jpg (4.5 KB, 184 views)

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Hyacinthe

But wait there's more!


Desktop USB Fondue Set


George Foreman USB iGrill


USB Desktop Tanning Center


USB Microscope - QX5


The ThinkGeek USB Snowbot


USB Doomsday Device Hub


USB Drum Kit


iAXE USB Electric Guitar


USB Mini Desktop Aquarium


USB Plasma Ball


USB Mini Lava Lamp


USB Powered Shaver


USB Tape Dispenser Hub

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DaveOrion

Hey, I like the usb lava lamps & plasma ball, I might check the price of the plasma ball, that would look great on top of my PC.....really!.....the aquarium looks kinda cheap though.....

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Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

Plan9

Don't encourage them, Dave!

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Baraka_Guru

USB (Unusually Stupid Bric-a-brac)


Gawd, I thought USB devices were for computer-related things. Don't people use outlets or power bars anymore?

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snowy

My boyfriend is now talking about building one himself for our roommate's Christmas present--cheaper to build something silly like that yourself than to buy it.

One of my friends had USB-powered Christmas lights that flashed along with music. Pretty cool.

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thingstodo

I agree. I just have to see this guy! And all the devices...just amazing!!

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zed wolf

My razr v3xx automatically charges when I plug it into my usb port. I use that more then its regular charger.
And I don't use a usb air freshener but I do put a fresh glade plug in type air freshener cartridge on top of my cpu cooler ever month when I blow the dust out of the case. The warmth and air flow circulates freshness through out the entire room for up to 30 days!

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Wait a minute...you google searched uncircumsized wang?
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MSD

Could that somehow be combined with the weather toaster?
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/06...isplay_device/
Those of us who own Motorola phones only need a standard USB to mini USB adapter and we can get a full charge in about two hours.

blahblah454

Okay that missile launcher is pretty bad assed. For anyone with more than one comp in the room that could be kind of fun.

JStrider

cuz there isn't enough crap between my keys already... I need little shaving hairs in it too

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genuinegirly

I need the USB tanner. Can't live without that one. Silly!

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casual user

the air freshner one is actually a decent idea and somewhat useful. poo on everything else.

Fremen

That pic reminds me of the inventer-father's Smokeless Ashtray from the movie "Gremlins".

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bhamv

What exactly is the point of a USB ashtray though? I mean, all the other devices I could get, cause they need to transmit power or data, but... the ashtray... why?

Oh, and after I read about Ping the robot PS2 accessory at Megatokyo (the webcomic) I've been waiting for someone to invent a USB girlfriend.

Redlemon

It probably has a fan that draws the air through a carbon filter. There are vents on the bottom.

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Plan9

USB Sybian seat.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."