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Old 10-20-2007, 09:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Differences between your Cyber life and your Real time life

I have two related questions. Please hang with me as I explain:

As I read the thread wherein hundreds of TFP'ers have revealed their real time (r/t) names, I thought about another "unmasking" that I participated in this week.

Let me explain: A few days ago I was looking at amateur porn over on another board. I opened a post with several photos of a teenage girl in her bedroom. In the photos she was naked, with her legs spread wide, fingering herself. Absolutely nothing was left to the imagination. On the wall behind her was a whiteboard with a full name written on it. It was the name of a female. Also, pinned to the wall was a banner with the name of a high school. I was bored and without much thought I googled the information I found in the pics. I just wanted to see where it would lead. Well, let me tell you! Within seconds I had found her deviantART page, her hometown, her MySpace page, and her real first name. I found that she was underage when the photos were made. I discovered that she is active in Jr. ROTC in her high school. It appears that she comes from a fairly religious home. In other snapshots there is a religious artifact hanging on the wall. A blog and other photos reveals that she represented her church in a statewide talent show last year. With no effort at all I know way more about this girl's life than any stranger should ever know!

At this point you are probably thinking how very creepy this is-- I know it creeps me out. If I can so easily find out the personal details of this girl's life, so can someone else; and someone with bad intentions. What if some kind of stalker, freak, or perv chooses to do what I did and googles the info in the nude photos? This girl could be in trouble. Other questions come to mind: Does she know that the photos are online? Has it gotten out at her high school and among her friends and family? How has it affected her life?

Do you have any thoughts about this story?

As I was thinking about the implications of how easy it was for me to uncover personal details of this girl's life, I saw the TFP thread wherein members have revealed their real names.

From the beginning of my life online, I've believed that the great advantage of cyber existence is anonymity. Here I can do and say things that I could never do and say in many r/t circumstances. For example, I enjoy porn, which is a fact I wouldn't like to be broadcast throughout my neighborhood or in my office.

My question: Do you do anything in your cyber life that would cause trouble in your real time life? Do you reveal personal details here that remain secret in r/t?
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Last edited by Aladdin Sane; 10-20-2007 at 09:24 PM..
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Old 10-20-2007, 09:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I don't think I do anything online that would cause 'problems' in my real time life but people would probably be rather shocked at a few of the things I do. In real life I look and act (about 90%) of the time like the perfect good girl.

So my internet group memberships and subscriptions would probably shock the heck out of my real life friends and family.

Even then I don't think it would cause problems they might be shocked and a little horrified but most of it as I see it is my private business. I don't need to discuss with my friends / family if I am into bondage or if I decide to get a piercing etc etc
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Old 10-20-2007, 09:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I behave here as I would anywhere else because for one: why try to mask my true personality?, and two: it takes way too much effort than I care to put forth to create an alter-ego for the sole purpose of browsing the net.

I do find it rather incredible, but not out of the realms of possibility, the amount of information you were able to amass about that one girl in particluar. Some individuals are careless when it comes to protecting their anonymity, while others don't care at all. What I feel holds true, yet still unbeknownst to many, is something that was remarked once by analog. It went something along the lines of "who said the internet was anonymous?". It could be extraordinarily easy for someone, anyone to record all my activites, for I would still remain unaware.

I think people on the net are free to divulge as little or as much as they feel inclined to do so. I just don't believe we should be deluded in thinking we are impervious when it comes to this cyber-plane of reality. I'm sure I could be being monitored or stalked, but I also am reassured that not many would care enough about my personal details to do so, and if so, I could care less what they reveal in their sleuthing. I do not go about flouting my real name, PIN #s, address and the like to any ol' bumpkin on the street, so why should I do so in an area where it could be utilized instantaneously to locate and potentially harm me?

I just never found myself able to totally disassociate my digital counterpart from my real one.
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Old 10-21-2007, 06:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hyacinthe
I don't think I do anything online that would cause 'problems' in my real time life but people would probably be rather shocked at a few of the things I do. In real life I look and act (about 90%) of the time like the perfect good girl.

So my internet group memberships and subscriptions would probably shock the heck out of my real life friends and family.

Even then I don't think it would cause problems they might be shocked and a little horrified but most of it as I see it is my private business. I don't need to discuss with my friends / family if I am into bondage or if I decide to get a piercing etc etc
This is a good point. Perhaps my use of the word "trouble" was not the best choice. I don't do much online that would get me into "trouble," but I do a lot that would be shocking and disgusting to many of the people that I care about. It would cause trouble in the sense that people's ideas about me would probably change if they knew about my online activities. Would they be so shocked as to end their relationship with me? If so, I would consider that "trouble.
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Old 10-21-2007, 07:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 10-21-2007, 07:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jetée
What I feel holds true, yet still unbeknownst to many, is something that was remarked once by analog. It went something along the lines of "who said the internet was anonymous?".

I just never found myself able to totally disassociate my digital counterpart from my real one.
Analog's observation is correct. Most of us think that no one could possibly have enough interest in us to try to uncover who we are. So we don't bother to be careful. I suppose real criminals, terrorists, etc, are very careful about the tracks they leave behind, yet many of them still reveal important information that leads to their demise.

I doubt that many people try to totally disassociate their digital self from their real one. But I wonder how many of us do things online that we don't want our real time friends and family to discover?
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Old 10-21-2007, 07:54 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I think I'm pretty careful, even though I'm not a criminal, nor do I think I'm terribly interesting to anyone... but I don't want people to be able to associate who I am in real life with what I write here on TFP (for social reasons that several others have given). I

have never revealed any part of my real name here on TFP, other than in occasional PM's with a few people I have come to trust over time here (and some of whom I have met in real life). I have posted pictures in the safe sections of the website, but only one nude one in Exhibition, and it was completely anonymous (my face was not showing, and there was nothing identifiable in the background)... and I took even that down after a while.

I have attended meet-ups with my husband, and so we have learned the real names and identities of a handful of people on this website... two members were even guests at our wedding last fall. But I never say that I met these people on TFP (when my other friends ask), because that's the way I want it to be. I think there's sort of a social contract at meet-ups to not act like a freak or stalker and divulge private information of other members when you're back on TFP. At least, I've never had that happen to me yet. But I will not post anything of the like here online... there's too much at stake.

I am the same person in real life and online, but not everyone in real life could handle knowing what I talk about online, if that makes sense. They would prefer to remain in their bubbles (in terms of knowing about my private life), which is fine with me.
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Old 10-21-2007, 08:06 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Yeah, I'm the same old asshole regardless of the communication medium.

...

Question is:

How many people use the internet to pump up their ego because they don't have the balls to "just do it" in real life?
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Last edited by Plan9; 10-21-2007 at 08:24 AM..
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Old 10-21-2007, 09:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aladdin Sane
I found that she was underage when the photos were made.
Have you at least contacted the site to have the pictures removed? Have you sent her a message on her myspace or deviantart account with a link to the pictures, letting her know they're out on the internet?

And too bad she was underage, I would have liked to have seen that set- it sounded hot. lol

As far as the internet getting me into trouble "in real life"... there's not much I could *do*, but there are (very few) certain things I avoid saying or talking about because it could possibly cause problems down the line.
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Old 10-21-2007, 09:58 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I Google my full name on a regular basis to see what pops up.

I've edited most of my profiles so that onesnowyowl and my full name are not associated in public search results. My MySpace only has onesnowyowl references, and my Facebook only lets people see my SN once I've friended them.

More than a few people on here know my full name and even my address (thanks to anyone who's ever sent me anything!) but they are people I trust. I've not had a person on TFP break that trust yet.
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Old 10-21-2007, 10:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onesnowyowl
I Google my full name on a regular basis to see what pops up.
I do that too. As there are only two other men in the world with my last name its not hard to find stuff on myself.
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Old 10-21-2007, 11:29 AM   #12 (permalink)
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There is exactly one Google result tied to my real name, my Myspace and Facebook profiles are clean, and I don't link my real self to my online self because I'm less than a year from graduating college and don't want my name to cross-reference to anything incriminating. My TFP name is a NiN song title (used by many,) and my other alias is only known to a few people and can't be paired to me unless someone knows to look for it, which is good because I'm the only person who uses it anywhere.

On TFP I'm typically more reserved than in real life because as a moderator, I hold back and act professionally. I've wanted to tell a few people what I really thought of them, but held back. Fortunately, they're mostly gone now. Elsewhere, I am a little more blunt and undiplomatic than in real life, but mostly the same.

Last edited by MSD; 10-21-2007 at 11:32 AM..
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Old 10-21-2007, 11:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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in 3-d, i'm quite different from roachboy.
i dont really bring too much of other things that i do to tfp because they dont seem to fit...but that's not a bad state of affiars--it's actually part of the appeal of the place. this applies particularly to the academic work i do, which for the most part isnt here. but by the time i got out of graduate school, i dont think i remembered how to communicate with other people who are not also eyeballs deep in theory-land. the result was that i bored myself stupid alot. developing roachboy was an aspect of working my way out from under that.

i do the occaisonal websearch for myself: my webprofile is of this curious radical.

it think it's funny for the most part, but from time to time it gets in the way.
so there are times when i wish i could vaporize my webtrail--which is bigger than i would have thought---but mostly i dont particularly care about it one way or another.

as far as web-specific activities or habits are concerned, i am a dull boy.
i dont talk a whole lot about tfp but i dont really know why that is--just a choice i made at some point that it seems convenient to stick with. inertia maybe.
past that, though, the dots are easy enough to connect across personae if you start doing it from the right angle.
if you know me in 3-d, its obvious how these things fit together, i think.
if you dont, nothing really connects properly.
i guess that's kind of a way to protect my privacy--simply allow this disconnection between personae to unfold as it does anyway.
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Last edited by roachboy; 10-21-2007 at 11:50 AM..
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Old 10-21-2007, 12:26 PM   #14 (permalink)
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thankfully, my name is common enough that a google search will turn up bubkis
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Old 10-21-2007, 01:14 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Nothing could really cause problems, really. Everyone knows that I'm a bit off and that I talk about everything. I don't hide many facts about myself from anyone. I've never had nude photos online, my myspace really doesn't tell much about me (nor facebook, nor anything else) besides my hometown, age, gender, and a few pics of my face. A few moderators and members of TFP know my last name, but I believe them to be trustworthy.
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Old 10-21-2007, 01:19 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willravel
I've never had nude photos online
Yeah, I don't need any competition from you, bro.
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Old 10-21-2007, 02:49 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Oh, almost forgot: there is one picture of my ass online, it's 176x144, and is not traceable to me in any way. There are times when it is reasonable and prudent to moon someone over the Internet, but it is neither reasonable nor prudent to do so in a way that can be traced back to you.
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Old 10-21-2007, 02:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Prudent?

Edit: Sorry, you make it sound like a business plan or part of a well balanced breakfast. Excellent choice of words. Haha....

Last edited by Willravel; 10-21-2007 at 03:02 PM..
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Old 10-21-2007, 03:38 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I don't reveal my last name in any email addresses, photos, or screen names. Sure, I don't mind if people know my first and middle name, but I keep my last name private for security reasons.

I also have no nude photos online, which helps, but your story is pretty creepy and sounds like she didn't really intend to have those photos viewed by anyone online.

Although, it's pretty well known fact that I love pornography, probably not to my neighbors or in the office as well. Girls who openly enjoy porn are looked badly upon by a lot of other girls.
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Old 10-21-2007, 03:44 PM   #20 (permalink)
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to paraphrase uncle Karl, i have nothing to hide but my chains...
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Old 10-21-2007, 04:01 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by analog
Have you at least contacted the site to have the pictures removed? Have you sent her a message on her myspace or deviantart account with a link to the pictures, letting her know they're out on the internet?
Analog, I emailed her at her MySpace the same day that I first saw her pics. I explained how I found her and expressed my concerns. Unfortunately, she hasn't visited her MySpace page since February.

Until you mentioned it, I hadn't considered contacting the website. I'll do that now.
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Old 10-21-2007, 04:15 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aladdin Sane
My question: Do you do anything in your cyber life that would cause trouble in your real time life? Do you reveal personal details here that remain secret in r/t?
Yes.
Yes.
In another forum, I was 'conversing' with someone who had the same name as me and red hair. I posted a photo of myself from a photo host site.
At a rather large gathering of people from that site, a gentleman called me aside and said "Are you aware that right-clicking that photo in the thread brings one to a site with photos you might not want these guys to see?"
I'd forgotten....
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Old 10-21-2007, 04:17 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Aladdin, Contact the ICAC (Internet Crimes Against Children) department of your local police department. Child pornography is illegal, and that site has broken the law.
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Old 10-21-2007, 04:35 PM   #24 (permalink)
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It will be interesting in say, 15 years when members of today's internet generation start running for public office. All of those nude party photos, petty rants and melancholy poems will be up for public scrutiny. Will the electorate condemn them like Gary Hart and Donna Rice, or will we forgive them with a certain familiarity like we did Bill and Monica?
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Old 10-21-2007, 05:24 PM   #25 (permalink)
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That's a good question fresnelly... I have a feeling that it will go more the way that Bill Clinton's, yes, but I didn't inhale.

In other words, by the time that generation is running for office most people doing the voting will have had their own experience with social networking sites and/or Internet exposure. They will forgive the youthful indiscretion in the same way that they excused Clinton's admission of using pot.
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Old 10-21-2007, 06:58 PM   #26 (permalink)
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The idea of how things affect public office is an interesting one. Aussies are going to the polls late next month. It was revealed a couple of months ago that the guy running for PM against the incumbent ended up (in the fairly recent past) drunk in a strip club in New York. Rather than the expected dip in his polling numbers, it actually turned out to have little affect (the general consensus was "he is a normal guy then - cool").
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Old 10-22-2007, 05:37 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Update-- I contacted the webmaster and the photos of the girl have been removed.

You may be interested to see the email I sent to the girl. I have removed some of the incriminating details.

Here it is:

I don't mean to freak you out, but do you realize someone has posted nude photos of you on the internet? If this is old news to you then the rest of this email is irrelevant.

The photos are posted at -------------------------.

If you are aware of these photos being online and you are okay with it, that is fine. I am certainly not judging you. I am gladly in no position to do so.

I am not a freak or a weirdo or a stalker, and I am only writing this because I am concerned, as there are plenty of freaks, weirdos, and stalkers out there.

I promise that you will not hear from me again unless you initiate the contact.

One of the photos has the name -------- -------- ----- in the background on a marker board, which is how I found your MySpace. First I googled the name -------- -------- --------, which took me to your Deviantart page. The address to your MySpace page is posted there.

I am a former teacher. You seem like a nice girl. I am concerned for your well-being. You see, if I can track you down, then someone else might be able to do so as well. And as I said before, there are lots of freaks out there.

In one of the photos is a banner that says -------- -------. That also makes it easy to find out where you are from. If you know who posted these photos and you are okay with it, once again, that is your business. But may I suggest that you at least remove the photo with the name showing and the one with the high school banner on the wall?

I realize this all may come as a great shock to you. I am sorry if you were not aware of the photos being online. I don't mean to upset you, but I think it is important that you know about the photos.

Sincerely,
----------

Any thoughts?
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Old 10-22-2007, 05:52 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fresnelly
It will be interesting in say, 15 years when members of today's internet generation start running for public office. All of those nude party photos, petty rants and melancholy poems will be up for public scrutiny. Will the electorate condemn them like Gary Hart and Donna Rice, or will we forgive them with a certain familiarity like we did Bill and Monica?
Actually, the tilting towards forgiveness has already started. Vanessa Hudgens, the female star of Disney's High School Musical and HSM2, had some of her nude cell photos leaked. You'd think Disney, of all family-friendly companies, would dump her ass over something like this. You would be wrong. She is still expected to be in HSM3.
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