Do you want to be happy or right?
 

Many times I wonder about this very question, do you want to be happy or right? What do I mean? Simply put do you give into situations wherein it is easier to just give up and not argue, allow the other person to be "right" just to keep the peace between you all?

One of my first girlfriend's mother used to tell her that it was good for her to just agree from time to time because it was better to keep the harmony instead of fighting over something so trivial.

My father or mother never passed something like that onto me always pushing me to advance and be competitive, but I did learn it somehow. I just didn't want to make waves if it was to my advantage. So from time to time, I just let the other person win.

I'd rather be happy.

Do you want to be happy or right?

Whichever is more logical. Most of the time I'd rather be right. I guess that's the INTJ ticking inside of me. But if it's more logical to be happy then I'm for that also.

I know I'm wrong, but I'm very happy. I've been right and miserable. This is better.

I don't take a great deal of satisfaction in being right, and being right it is not a power trip to me. But when I am right I know it, and I can't just give up. I think that is because I don't talk a lot. I am a listener. When I do talk it is usually important, and I know I wouldn't say something as fact that I wasn't sure about.

Could I be both?

From my brain right now this is what I'm thinking...

One can keep the peace and not argue and let the other person feel right and not have to deal with the drama. One can feel happy that there is no drama and carry on. However, after awhile of doing that, the happiness fades away. This is because if you keep letting other people 'win' you never get anything you want or accomplish anything for you.

I tend to not argue. However, after awhile I'll realize that I'm not happy with anything because I haven't had a backbone enough to demand it or fight for it. I need to get more of the fight in me to be happier.

Yikes, that's a really tough one. Philosophically, I'd rather be happy. Reasonably, I'd rather be right. Good question.

I dunno.

It depends, if it's about facts, then I'd rather be right. If the argument is ambiguous, unanswerable or leads to a conversation that is not trivially long then sometimes I'll just keep my mouth shut.

There have been many times I've let things go, but the odd thing is that I didn't do it to preserve harmony. I did it because I really didn't feel like arguing or being disagreeable at the time.

However, I do take that particular pleasure when I get to correct one of those people who would rather be right than be anything.

I would rather be happy.

I've seen family, friends, couples get into huge arguments about stupid little things because neither of the people involved is willing to back down.

I will quite often give in about trivial 'rightness' to keep the peace.

Well obviously happy but the question is too limited as asked.

I'd rather be both and normally I am able to work it out in the long run, even if it means someone is pissed in the short term.

WCM = whomever cares more. I don't know where I picked it up, but it works. Not exactly a compromise situation, but on every issue one party will care more than the other. If they tend to be "right" on that issue, happiness ensues.

I like both, really... and I used to be the sort who would fight down to figurative raw knuckles in order to prove myself as right, rather than dial it back in the name of happiness for all.

I have, over some time on these boards, learned that sometimes one must relinquish being "right" in the name of harmony. In fact, it's downright necessary for our community.

What I think I've done to compensate is simply make sure my opinion is asserted confidently, and be true to myself- and then I'm left happy enough that I've at least said my peace. :)

While I don't agree with this thread, i'll let it slide for now, and just smile. :)

I'm a pessimist, some consider it to be a realist, but either way, my predictions always are bad. Hence, whenever I end up being correct about something, I always say, "I hate it when I'm right."

So there you have it. I'd rather be happy.

The question assumes that if I am "right," then the other person is "wrong," and therefore the situation is unhappy (because of unresolved conflict), correct? It's a bit too dualistic for me, I guess.

Given my often argumentative nature and stubbornness, of course I'd generally like to be "right," but usually that's only *my* sense of being right... and isn't truly Right, with a capital R. So I recognize that (when I am able) and try to make room for other "rights," because how else would I be able to function and live with other human beings? That's not happiness, that's just plain good practice. :)

More particularly... I strive to be both "right" and "happy" with my husband, because he matters most to me... and our senses of "right" generally coincide with each other (otherwise we wouldn't have gotten married). If they don't, then we work to make things "right" between us, which is called compromise. We are always learning how to do that better, but I think we have a pretty good thing going with that skill already. Once again, the "right" thing to do is to realize that one person's "right" is not best for all.

Yeah, this is just getting more confusing. I guess I just don't see the duality between "right" and "happy." I think there are very few people (including myself) who are ever truly RIGHT about anything, and this has little to do with how one decides to be happy or not. Happiness is something else entirely.

The End Of My Rambling Post.

Thinking about this question, I think this question applied not to the external but the internal is perhaps more relevant to most people.

At times people 'let it go' for harmonies sake, and to keep things friendly. Family reunions are notorious for this as everyone has that crazy aunt or the like.

But what about the lies people tell themselves to be happy?

As deep as the concept of an afterlife to as basic as 'oh he's just working late, he's not cheating on me.'. Self deception seems to be a defense mechanism innate in many.

I'll take both when it's possible. I'd rather be happy when it's not important to be right. :D

This is what I was eluding to in my reply to this thread. Maybe I'm reading the OP differently than most other people. As Abaya put it, in an argument sometimes right isn't always Right. Also, there are many types of arguments so maybe I'm pulling my answer from more personal, emotional arguments then scientific, logical arguments. We generally answer due to our situation or most recent experiences I suppose.

In the emotional arguments, which is the ones a majority of people pull away from, I believe many people do lie to themselves and refuse or stop arguing to keep the peace. This is where you can lose both your happiness and the right choice for you. Ignoring the disagreement is a temporary happiness...but eventually you need to say your piece to keep your peace. No one is going to look after you except for you.

There's a crucial bit of context missing from the question. The opposite of right ISN'T wrong. Giving up being right doesn't equal admitting that you're wrong. You don't have to be wrong to be happy.

I'll tell you all day long that I'd rather be happy than right. But if you actually watch me in operation, it just isn't so--and I'm in no way unique about that. Human beings would rather be right than happy. It's a universal.

In the moment when you're making that choice, though, if you can remind yourself of the absurdity of it, you can chose a different path. That's the power of this question. Discussing it beforehand in the abstract really makes no real difference--its power is in its ability to make us reconsider our actions right in the moment when we're choosing being right over being happy.

I want to learn.

"Happy" and "right" are fleeting things.

I want to be both.
Sometimes I am one or the other.
Sometimes I am neither.

It seems the question is really, how important is it to you that other people think you are right?

When I was younger, this was very important to me. It was very frustrating to not be able to make others see things my way.

Now that I'm older, this is is not important to me at all. I can easily walk away from discussions without having proven anything at all.

The key difference is that now I have much more confidence in the things I think are right and I don't need anyone else's approval to feel that way.

Also important is that I have learned it's actually quite easy to admit when I am wrong.

Ding ding ding!!!

Yup, sometimes the road to being right is just a bit too long and bumpy for it to be worth it.

And there is no better feeling than being able to prove your point in as few words as possible to someone who thinks they know it all......

Well if you ask my wife, she'll tell you I'd rather be right. I do love to argue, but I noticed that since I've been married, I've just learned to make her feel like she's right even though I know I am :lol:

I guess I'm starting to pick my battles a bit more.. just because it makes life easier around the kids.

I also pick my fights, these days.

Under most circumstance, being right isn't worth the grief.

Happiness is about being content. Personally I like a good debate I enjoy a good discussion, but sometimes it is important to let the other person win. But I can say right now I have issues with my mom (well all of us have with her), and I wonder if we had just not let her get away with her shit so long and not just let things go to be 'happy' that we would not be here.

I'm happy when I'm right.

Infer. :cool:

I'm happy when I'm right.

Infer. :cool:

I prefer to be right. But I'm right 99.9% of the time. Makes it easy to be right and happy.

I find that most times, all it takes is some non-emotional, logical conversation to find out that there was some type of misunderstanding... meaning that from our respective points-of-view, we were both right. And once the misunderstanding is cleared up, we both feel happier as well.

So I guess my strategy is to choose "happiness" first until the immediate emotions of the situation have subsided, then I choose to be "right" by seeking to understand her side and then explaining my own.

I remember a personality test that asked "would you rather be right, or popular?"

Personally, I'd rather be right. Who wants to be a happy idiot?

A better way to phrase this question is:

Would you be willing to accept that your point of view--while valid--is not the one true point of view, if doing so meant you get to have satisfying, fulfilling relationships that work?

Oh yeah, rat? Well, my point of view about how the question should be asked is more right than yours, so there! ;)

Ah, but now look how happy you aren't! ;)

Uh-oh!

I'd rather be viewed as right than to be viewed as happy.

And I failed debate.

Happiness is rare.

What ratbastid said, mostly.

Outside the tfp, there is a very small group of people i will argue with, and then only because i generally trust their ability to see things and make sense of things in ways that are complementary to the ways i see and make sense of things- two heads are better than one. I don't think being the person with the right perspective is as important to me as being reasonable- i don't want to be a person with whom an argument isn't worthwhile(at least not when i'm offline, when i'm online it doesn't really matter).

I guess that would mean that i mostly prefer happiness to outspokenness, but there are exceptions.

Being right makes me happy. Giving in, while it makes the other person happier, does not in turn make me happy.

Typically, if it really means that much to them, I can just swallow my pride, and leave it be....It often seems its easier for me to "just deal with it" than it is for most others that I deal with. So, I guess I'm ok with not being "right" as long as there is peace

-Will

i don't need to be right, as nice as it is, i'd rather be happy

You can be both.

I'll put my opinion out once or twice. After that, we it's a case of "if you want to do that, we can do that". I'll only hold my ground if I really need to avoid major inconvenience.

I'm not keen on arguing though.

I came in this thread to say this exactly!

my and my friends debate (argue) all the time and i'm usually the one to concede first, but that's more because i've grown bored with the argument than anything else

i always admit it when i'm wrong, though