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#1 (permalink) |
Tilted Cat Head
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
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Do you want to be happy or right?
Many times I wonder about this very question, do you want to be happy or right? What do I mean? Simply put do you give into situations wherein it is easier to just give up and not argue, allow the other person to be "right" just to keep the peace between you all?
One of my first girlfriend's mother used to tell her that it was good for her to just agree from time to time because it was better to keep the harmony instead of fighting over something so trivial. My father or mother never passed something like that onto me always pushing me to advance and be competitive, but I did learn it somehow. I just didn't want to make waves if it was to my advantage. So from time to time, I just let the other person win. I'd rather be happy. Do you want to be happy or right?
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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. Last edited by Cynthetiq; 10-01-2007 at 07:35 PM.. |
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#4 (permalink) |
Life's short, gotta hurry...
Location: land of pit vipers
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I don't take a great deal of satisfaction in being right, and being right it is not a power trip to me. But when I am right I know it, and I can't just give up. I think that is because I don't talk a lot. I am a listener. When I do talk it is usually important, and I know I wouldn't say something as fact that I wasn't sure about.
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Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool. |
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#5 (permalink) |
Fancy
Location: Chicago
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Could I be both?
From my brain right now this is what I'm thinking... One can keep the peace and not argue and let the other person feel right and not have to deal with the drama. One can feel happy that there is no drama and carry on. However, after awhile of doing that, the happiness fades away. This is because if you keep letting other people 'win' you never get anything you want or accomplish anything for you. I tend to not argue. However, after awhile I'll realize that I'm not happy with anything because I haven't had a backbone enough to demand it or fight for it. I need to get more of the fight in me to be happier.
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Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company |
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#8 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Chicago
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There have been many times I've let things go, but the odd thing is that I didn't do it to preserve harmony. I did it because I really didn't feel like arguing or being disagreeable at the time.
However, I do take that particular pleasure when I get to correct one of those people who would rather be right than be anything.
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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses |
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#9 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: Australia
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I would rather be happy.
I've seen family, friends, couples get into huge arguments about stupid little things because neither of the people involved is willing to back down. I will quite often give in about trivial 'rightness' to keep the peace.
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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own" "Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part." |
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#10 (permalink) | |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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Quote:
I'd rather be both and normally I am able to work it out in the long run, even if it means someone is pissed in the short term.
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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
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#11 (permalink) |
Détente
Location: AWOL in Edmonton
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WCM = whomever cares more. I don't know where I picked it up, but it works. Not exactly a compromise situation, but on every issue one party will care more than the other. If they tend to be "right" on that issue, happiness ensues.
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#12 (permalink) |
Banned
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I like both, really... and I used to be the sort who would fight down to figurative raw knuckles in order to prove myself as right, rather than dial it back in the name of happiness for all.
I have, over some time on these boards, learned that sometimes one must relinquish being "right" in the name of harmony. In fact, it's downright necessary for our community. What I think I've done to compensate is simply make sure my opinion is asserted confidently, and be true to myself- and then I'm left happy enough that I've at least said my peace. ![]() Last edited by analog; 10-01-2007 at 10:09 PM.. |
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#14 (permalink) |
Wise-ass Latino
Location: Pretoria (Tshwane), RSA
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I'm a pessimist, some consider it to be a realist, but either way, my predictions always are bad. Hence, whenever I end up being correct about something, I always say, "I hate it when I'm right."
So there you have it. I'd rather be happy.
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Cameron originally envisioned the Terminator as a small, unremarkable man, giving it the ability to blend in more easily. As a result, his first choice for the part was Lance Henriksen. O. J. Simpson was on the shortlist but Cameron did not think that such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer. -From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator |
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#15 (permalink) |
Location: Iceland
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The question assumes that if I am "right," then the other person is "wrong," and therefore the situation is unhappy (because of unresolved conflict), correct? It's a bit too dualistic for me, I guess.
Given my often argumentative nature and stubbornness, of course I'd generally like to be "right," but usually that's only *my* sense of being right... and isn't truly Right, with a capital R. So I recognize that (when I am able) and try to make room for other "rights," because how else would I be able to function and live with other human beings? That's not happiness, that's just plain good practice. ![]() More particularly... I strive to be both "right" and "happy" with my husband, because he matters most to me... and our senses of "right" generally coincide with each other (otherwise we wouldn't have gotten married). If they don't, then we work to make things "right" between us, which is called compromise. We are always learning how to do that better, but I think we have a pretty good thing going with that skill already. Once again, the "right" thing to do is to realize that one person's "right" is not best for all. Yeah, this is just getting more confusing. I guess I just don't see the duality between "right" and "happy." I think there are very few people (including myself) who are ever truly RIGHT about anything, and this has little to do with how one decides to be happy or not. Happiness is something else entirely. The End Of My Rambling Post.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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#16 (permalink) |
Pissing in the cornflakes
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Thinking about this question, I think this question applied not to the external but the internal is perhaps more relevant to most people.
At times people 'let it go' for harmonies sake, and to keep things friendly. Family reunions are notorious for this as everyone has that crazy aunt or the like. But what about the lies people tell themselves to be happy? As deep as the concept of an afterlife to as basic as 'oh he's just working late, he's not cheating on me.'. Self deception seems to be a defense mechanism innate in many.
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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps. |
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#17 (permalink) |
Leaning against the -Sun-
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
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I'll take both when it's possible. I'd rather be happy when it's not important to be right.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918 |
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#18 (permalink) | |
Fancy
Location: Chicago
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Quote:
In the emotional arguments, which is the ones a majority of people pull away from, I believe many people do lie to themselves and refuse or stop arguing to keep the peace. This is where you can lose both your happiness and the right choice for you. Ignoring the disagreement is a temporary happiness...but eventually you need to say your piece to keep your peace. No one is going to look after you except for you.
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Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company |
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#19 (permalink) |
Darth Papa
Location: Yonder
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There's a crucial bit of context missing from the question. The opposite of right ISN'T wrong. Giving up being right doesn't equal admitting that you're wrong. You don't have to be wrong to be happy.
I'll tell you all day long that I'd rather be happy than right. But if you actually watch me in operation, it just isn't so--and I'm in no way unique about that. Human beings would rather be right than happy. It's a universal. In the moment when you're making that choice, though, if you can remind yourself of the absurdity of it, you can chose a different path. That's the power of this question. Discussing it beforehand in the abstract really makes no real difference--its power is in its ability to make us reconsider our actions right in the moment when we're choosing being right over being happy. |
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#21 (permalink) |
has all her shots.
Location: Florida
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I want to be both.
Sometimes I am one or the other. Sometimes I am neither. It seems the question is really, how important is it to you that other people think you are right? When I was younger, this was very important to me. It was very frustrating to not be able to make others see things my way. Now that I'm older, this is is not important to me at all. I can easily walk away from discussions without having proven anything at all. The key difference is that now I have much more confidence in the things I think are right and I don't need anyone else's approval to feel that way. Also important is that I have learned it's actually quite easy to admit when I am wrong.
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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce |
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#22 (permalink) | |
I'll ask when I'm ready....
Location: Firmly in the middle....
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Quote:
Ding ding ding!!! Yup, sometimes the road to being right is just a bit too long and bumpy for it to be worth it. And there is no better feeling than being able to prove your point in as few words as possible to someone who thinks they know it all......
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"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me- "Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown- DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer- |
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#23 (permalink) |
Registered User
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Well if you ask my wife, she'll tell you I'd rather be right. I do love to argue, but I noticed that since I've been married, I've just learned to make her feel like she's right even though I know I am
![]() I guess I'm starting to pick my battles a bit more.. just because it makes life easier around the kids. |
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#25 (permalink) |
People in masks cannot be trusted
Location: NYC
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Happiness is about being content. Personally I like a good debate I enjoy a good discussion, but sometimes it is important to let the other person win. But I can say right now I have issues with my mom (well all of us have with her), and I wonder if we had just not let her get away with her shit so long and not just let things go to be 'happy' that we would not be here.
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#28 (permalink) |
That's what she said
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I find that most times, all it takes is some non-emotional, logical conversation to find out that there was some type of misunderstanding... meaning that from our respective points-of-view, we were both right. And once the misunderstanding is cleared up, we both feel happier as well.
So I guess my strategy is to choose "happiness" first until the immediate emotions of the situation have subsided, then I choose to be "right" by seeking to understand her side and then explaining my own.
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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past." "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." |
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#29 (permalink) |
Eccentric insomniac
Location: North Carolina
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I remember a personality test that asked "would you rather be right, or popular?"
Personally, I'd rather be right. Who wants to be a happy idiot?
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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence |
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#31 (permalink) |
Location: Iceland
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Oh yeah, rat? Well, my point of view about how the question should be asked is more right than yours, so there!
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And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran |
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#34 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: In the land of ice and snow.
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Outside the tfp, there is a very small group of people i will argue with, and then only because i generally trust their ability to see things and make sense of things in ways that are complementary to the ways i see and make sense of things- two heads are better than one. I don't think being the person with the right perspective is as important to me as being reasonable- i don't want to be a person with whom an argument isn't worthwhile(at least not when i'm offline, when i'm online it doesn't really matter).
I guess that would mean that i mostly prefer happiness to outspokenness, but there are exceptions. |
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#36 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: Memphis Area
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Typically, if it really means that much to them, I can just swallow my pride, and leave it be....It often seems its easier for me to "just deal with it" than it is for most others that I deal with. So, I guess I'm ok with not being "right" as long as there is peace
-Will
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Life is nothing, everything.....and something in between... |
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#38 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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You can be both.
I'll put my opinion out once or twice. After that, we it's a case of "if you want to do that, we can do that". I'll only hold my ground if I really need to avoid major inconvenience. I'm not keen on arguing though. |
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