Last night my daughter's boyfriend killed himself - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pig · 03-22-2007, 01:10 PM

hey brew: how goes it? just thought i'd check in.

crimemastergogo · 03-22-2007, 01:32 PM

So sorry to hear that

Time is the best medicine. I pray to God to give strength to Your daughter and your family to surpass this difficult phase of time. Keep faith, everything is gonna be okay

Brewmaniac · 03-22-2007, 02:54 PM

analog, where did you get so wise? Thanks for the input!

My wife went to school with her on Tuesday and sat in the back of all her classes. The whole school is rallying around her in support. In the lunch room all the kids sat at the tables around her and pulled up chairs, and they ostracized two boys that picked on the kid. My daughter even chased one with a water bottle. Which was a good outlet of pent up anger, I hope! She was a real trooper staying all day. God bless my wife I'm so glad she went with her.

Though the rumors were bad, we heard you have the suicide note, we heard you helped write it, did you break up with him, is that why he did it, what Bullshit!

Even a grief counselor brought in asked similar questions my wife said ok I'm only going to say this once, my daughter and Austin have been very close friends since fifth grade and have dated off and on for two years, I found out Saturday morning when his mother called me and it was a complete shock to us as it was to his family and out of respect to them and Austin there's nothing left to say except that we will never forget him!

She stayed home yesterday and went half day today on her own, it was tough I could tell. She won't come to me for support but I try to go to her and let her know I'm here for her and she starts the conversations or I'll ask what ya doing to start things off. I don't want to pressure her that might shut her down. All in all she is doing better than expected, her friends have been huge in trying to keep her spirits up.

I can't wait for the memorial service Saturday to be behind us.

Intense1 · 03-22-2007, 09:45 PM

Brew it seems your daughter has a real rapport with her mom. I'd encourage that, even it it seems that she is shutting you out at times. Maybe she identifies more with her mom in this situation, and that is a good thing. She is a young lady who has lost a young man who is/was dear to her, something her dad cannot/may not be able to fully understand (in her thought process.)

In the meantime, you seem to be doing all you can - just being available for her, being there and real for her. That's what she needs, I believe, parents who are real and are there for her. And who love her, no matter what.

Is there a chance you can spend some time with her, just asking "off topic" questions? Like, "what do you like about your friends?", "why do you like ........(insert current Ipod favorite)" and, if it leads to it, "What did your friends think about your relationship with ..... (I'm sorry, I don't know his name)".

If you ask these questions with an attitude of "I just want to know", as opposed to "I want to fix you", then you might get an answer. Go with the flow, info wise. It will take time.

But you must ask these questions as you do something else, such as eat McDonalds, or Ice Cream (really nice, creamy cones is best, I think)

If you haven't had much father/daughter times in the past, it might be difficult to build up to it now. But that is not a reason to not try. Keep trying, Brew, and don't give up. I believe it will pay off.

Oh, and indeed, God bless your wife - she's a good one!

BlackKittyKat · 03-22-2007, 10:54 PM

hey brew sorry to hear this my heart goes out to you and the family. Wish you well.

Brewmaniac · 03-25-2007, 04:11 AM

So yesterday was the memorial service for Austin, it was at the community beach house on Lake Michigan, we got there about twenty minutes early and the doors were closed because the family was having a private service. The line started forming, we got in and they had two huge projection screens showing slide shows of his life from infancy. It wasn't like a funeral it was a celebration of his life. Still there wasn't a dry eye, his parents were rocks, I don't know how they did this eight days later.
I was told the line went way out into the parking lot.

At the end they had the release of 3 doves, my daughter had one her two best girl friends(consequently his friends going back for years) had the other two and after they let theirs go the Mother,Father and sister let a single one go to represent his spirit, they flew around in like a circle and were gone. What a service!

I'm glad it's behind us so we all can start healing.

Thanks again all for your wise advice and your support, I will Never forget it!

Sharon · 03-25-2007, 07:04 AM

That's beautiful... I'm glad it has brought a little closure to a very difficult situation.

DaveOrion · 03-31-2007, 05:10 PM

Sorry Brew, I just read your other thread about your daughter and backtracked to this one. There is not much any of us can do to take away this terrible grief. All we can do is be there for you. I've been through plenty of tragedies, so I know what its like. If you ever need to talk, just send me a pm. *Dave*

hunnychile · 04-11-2007, 01:58 PM

Well, sadly it's my turn to say that we have lost our 20 year old nephew because of suicide.

He shot himself on Tuesday April 10th and none of us have a single clue why. !!??? Why???? It's soo sad, and we are all in shock.

Those who spoke to him (Ryan) on Easter said he sounded real good and that he was looking forward to new classes in college and using his new bow to hunt deer and geese with his Uncle Adam (my husband's bro). Then his mom found him shot by his own rifle - in the head early on Tuesday morning. He was alone & it was very late at night.

We are all in a state of total shock. I just have to share...because I can't believe kids so young, seemingly happy & full of hope can end their lives in just the blink of an eye...

Sultana · 04-11-2007, 02:12 PM

OH hunnychile, I am so very sorry to hear this. It strikes a chill in my heart.

My sincerest condolances to you and yours, as well as to Brew and his family.

fightnight · 04-11-2007, 05:13 PM

Don't know what to say that hasn't been said.... but just wanted to offer my support and thoughts. Keep those lines of communication open.

03-22-2007, 01:10 PM	#41 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	hey brew: how goes it? just thought i'd check in. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

03-22-2007, 01:32 PM	#42 (permalink)
crimemastergogo Upright Location: Between nowhere and Goodbye	So sorry to hear that Time is the best medicine. I pray to God to give strength to Your daughter and your family to surpass this difficult phase of time. Keep faith, everything is gonna be okay __________________ ---Nothing Happens Until You Make It Happen------

03-22-2007, 09:45 PM	#44 (permalink)
Intense1 Crazy Location: Music City burbs	Brew it seems your daughter has a real rapport with her mom. I'd encourage that, even it it seems that she is shutting you out at times. Maybe she identifies more with her mom in this situation, and that is a good thing. She is a young lady who has lost a young man who is/was dear to her, something her dad cannot/may not be able to fully understand (in her thought process.) In the meantime, you seem to be doing all you can - just being available for her, being there and real for her. That's what she needs, I believe, parents who are real and are there for her. And who love her, no matter what. Is there a chance you can spend some time with her, just asking "off topic" questions? Like, "what do you like about your friends?", "why do you like ........(insert current Ipod favorite)" and, if it leads to it, "What did your friends think about your relationship with ..... (I'm sorry, I don't know his name)". If you ask these questions with an attitude of "I just want to know", as opposed to "I want to fix you", then you might get an answer. Go with the flow, info wise. It will take time. But you must ask these questions as you do something else, such as eat McDonalds, or Ice Cream (really nice, creamy cones is best, I think) If you haven't had much father/daughter times in the past, it might be difficult to build up to it now. But that is not a reason to not try. Keep trying, Brew, and don't give up. I believe it will pay off. Oh, and indeed, God bless your wife - she's a good one! __________________ (none yet, still thinkin')

03-25-2007, 04:11 AM	#46 (permalink)
Brewmaniac Searching for the perfect brew!	So yesterday was the memorial service for Austin, it was at the community beach house on Lake Michigan, we got there about twenty minutes early and the doors were closed because the family was having a private service. The line started forming, we got in and they had two huge projection screens showing slide shows of his life from infancy. It wasn't like a funeral it was a celebration of his life. Still there wasn't a dry eye, his parents were rocks, I don't know how they did this eight days later. I was told the line went way out into the parking lot. At the end they had the release of 3 doves, my daughter had one her two best girl friends(consequently his friends going back for years) had the other two and after they let theirs go the Mother,Father and sister let a single one go to represent his spirit, they flew around in like a circle and were gone. What a service! I'm glad it's behind us so we all can start healing. Thanks again all for your wise advice and your support, I will Never forget it! Last edited by Brewmaniac; 03-25-2007 at 04:13 AM..

04-11-2007, 01:58 PM	#49 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	Well, sadly it's my turn to say that we have lost our 20 year old nephew because of suicide. He shot himself on Tuesday April 10th and none of us have a single clue why. !!??? Why???? It's soo sad, and we are all in shock. Those who spoke to him (Ryan) on Easter said he sounded real good and that he was looking forward to new classes in college and using his new bow to hunt deer and geese with his Uncle Adam (my husband's bro). Then his mom found him shot by his own rifle - in the head early on Tuesday morning. He was alone & it was very late at night. We are all in a state of total shock. I just have to share...because I can't believe kids so young, seemingly happy & full of hope can end their lives in just the blink of an eye... __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

03-22-2007, 02:54 PM	#43 (permalink)
Brewmaniac Searching for the perfect brew!	analog, where did you get so wise? Thanks for the input! My wife went to school with her on Tuesday and sat in the back of all her classes. The whole school is rallying around her in support. In the lunch room all the kids sat at the tables around her and pulled up chairs, and they ostracized two boys that picked on the kid. My daughter even chased one with a water bottle. Which was a good outlet of pent up anger, I hope! She was a real trooper staying all day. God bless my wife I'm so glad she went with her. Though the rumors were bad, we heard you have the suicide note, we heard you helped write it, did you break up with him, is that why he did it, what Bullshit! Even a grief counselor brought in asked similar questions my wife said ok I'm only going to say this once, my daughter and Austin have been very close friends since fifth grade and have dated off and on for two years, I found out Saturday morning when his mother called me and it was a complete shock to us as it was to his family and out of respect to them and Austin there's nothing left to say except that we will never forget him! She stayed home yesterday and went half day today on her own, it was tough I could tell. She won't come to me for support but I try to go to her and let her know I'm here for her and she starts the conversations or I'll ask what ya doing to start things off. I don't want to pressure her that might shut her down. All in all she is doing better than expected, her friends have been huge in trying to keep her spirits up. I can't wait for the memorial service Saturday to be behind us.

03-22-2007, 10:54 PM	#45 (permalink)
BlackKittyKat Upright Location: South Africa, Johannesburg	hey brew sorry to hear this my heart goes out to you and the family. Wish you well.

03-25-2007, 07:04 AM	#47 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	That's beautiful... I'm glad it has brought a little closure to a very difficult situation.

03-31-2007, 05:10 PM	#48 (permalink)
DaveOrion Playing With Fire Location: Disaster Area	Sorry Brew, I just read your other thread about your daughter and backtracked to this one. There is not much any of us can do to take away this terrible grief. All we can do is be there for you. I've been through plenty of tragedies, so I know what its like. If you ever need to talk, just send me a pm. Dave

04-11-2007, 02:12 PM	#50 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	OH hunnychile, I am so very sorry to hear this. It strikes a chill in my heart. My sincerest condolances to you and yours, as well as to Brew and his family. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

04-11-2007, 05:13 PM	#51 (permalink)
fightnight Insane Location: The lovely Northeast	Don't know what to say that hasn't been said.... but just wanted to offer my support and thoughts. Keep those lines of communication open.