The Story of a (Giant) Hamburger
 

There was a rumbling, and the master stirred.

"Who interrupts my slumber?"

Glances thrown about the room could reveal no other presence. And the rumbling came again.

"Oh. My tummy."
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0430.jpg

It was the year 2033.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0434.jpg

Chaos ruled where there once was order. Technology such as the George Foreman Grill had corrupted the minds of the people. The appliance was abandoned when a hippy vegan protester extinguished George Foreman's eternal flame in front of his great tomb. In a twist of irony, all known vegans were captured and ground into hamburger in retaliation.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0440.jpg

The master was surprised they made vegans so fatty.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0442.jpg

But why look a gift horse in the mouth?
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0454.jpg

Over time, meals had progressed to contain more and more meat, until that was all they consisted of. This was old craft.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0455.jpg

But it needed dairy-based coating to even stay in one's stomach.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0460.jpg

You could still hear their screams.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0462.jpg

You still wake up sometimes, don't you? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the vegans.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0466.jpg

Even fruit and vegetable had been genetically altered to consist of meat.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0474.jpg

Meat needed dairy-based coating, too.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0472.jpg

When the Red Cross blood donation drive visited the Amish, what they took away was inhuman. We should have known. No human has ever lived without technology before. Seeing no other practical use for their harvest, the Red Cross sold the blood to Heinz, to help them get back on their feet again.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0479.jpg

The rumbling was at its peak now.

"I MUST HAVE RELIEF!"
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0483.jpg

Something was wrong.

This omelet wasn't like all the others.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0486.jpg


A burger was born.

Speechless, and now, hungry.

Sooo....that vegan burger doesn't taste sour?http://totalmotorcycle.com/BBS/image...gh5_smilie.gif

Strange........ in a prophetic, mind altering, carnivorous kinda way....

motherfucker.......I am so hungry now...............

at .89/lb., how did it taste?

The toasted buns looked good, but you need a grill dude.

I was hoping this was about board member Giant Hamburger. He was planning an invasion with his offspring/minions.

it's 2.99/lb...he bought just under a lb.

Still cheap though.

Mayo on a hamburger is a sin against God. Whomsoever putteth mayonnaise on a hamburger shall be forced to surrender his non-expiring beef to those who would use it for a higher purpose. So it is written, so let it be done.

I'd be hungry, but I just finished a vegan philly cheese steak.

Wouldn't this thread be better in Trampoline or something?

That isn't even a full pound of beef. Make a thread when you can eat a real burger.

It keeps the juices from soaking the bun http://img489.imageshack.us/img489/2...ossarmsjl7.gif

Why the hell would you wanna do that?

I have to admit... that is one fine looking burger. But you forgot the pickles and onion rings.

More cheese on that puppy next time.
A big, thick slice of Velveeta cheese, at least an inch thick.
Or a good handful of bleu, the size of a baseball is fine, it melts down to nothing.
The mayo is fine IMO, Hellman's is a magnificent condiment. Again, a little more wouldn't hurt. Spilling over the sides is fine.
No pickles is pretty rough...I might have had a hard time eating that without pickles.
Great thread. I :hearts: pictures of hamburgers.

You cooked up quite the menu of opinions here, brother Hal. About all I can add is an ice-cold bottle o Guinness!

Sell by Feb 21, 33??????

TRAVESTY!!! One should never squash their meat thusly. For the love of Giant Hamburger, just let the thing cook in peace.
http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0466.jpg

Further sacrilege! Is that, so called, "american cheese"? One should never, ever use this stuff. It is vile and insulting to the vegans who gave their lives for your meal. I mean I know vegans are just cattle but have heart (and some taste buds) -- as for Velveeta! Perish the thought!

http://www.tfproject.org/burgerstory/IMG_0472.jpg

Hail Burgermancer!

I applaud your visual spirit quest for your philosophical hamburger of the future.
In the year 2033 the culinary prejudice shown in this thread will be a long dead thing of the past. You honor the sandwich as a gastronomical sacrament to the delicious grace of its hunger-ending sacrifice.

Selah!
-GH

No more vegans in the future! Certainly a promising future to look forward to.

Next time, fold some diced onions and garlic into the meat when you're making the patty, and use Eidamer cheese if you can find it. Kick-ASS, that burger is. And for God's sake, get some Miracle Whip!

Being inspired by your burger, i decided to make my own.

One pack of mince later i ended up with a square peice of meat, which whilst fitting neatly inside two slices of bread, was not very burger shaped (unless you know a burger brand that has corners).

What is the secret to roundness oh mighty master?

Miracle Whip? What the fuck? And you call yourself a MAN?

stevie, roundness is easy. Knead meat in your hands until there are no more folds. Slap it onto a plate and squish it a little. Press down with one hand and pat the sides in while turning the plate in a circular manner. You will then have a compact, disc-shaped hamburger patty.

Take meat.

Add an egg and onion soup mix, some food-processor bread crumbs, and season liberally with cracked peppercorns.

Top with old cheddar, fried onions and mushrooms, some lettuce and tomatoes, a touch of HP sauce and some ketchup.

And remember...

In the year 2000, the Vegans eat YOU!

I sometimes make a small pocket in the middle of the burger and stick fried mushrooms or some real cheese in there. Mm.

No Wendy's around your parts?
http://www.wenakron.com/wendys_welcome.jpg

Or White Castles?http://dannyswhitecastle.tripod.com/...eeseburger.jpg
When I make my burgers, I press my thumb in the middle so that's a tad thinner-no bubbling up that way.(And I put some BBQ sauce in the meat)

And yay did the lord spake down unto mathius, whenst thou hast thy meat, use thine hands, that i have given, to squish it into a ball, smush it then as thou would smush satans followers.
So smush mathius did, bade on by the words of the lord, until at the 7th hour he had created his burger in the image of his world, and blessed was it. Upon a pre-heated grill he placed it, seen by the wise men, with salt, pepper and a light garnish of extra virgin olive oil glazed on the top, not too much or it might ruin the flavour, but just enough to cook well, it cooked.

For time it cooked, and cooked well, until the miracle was finished, from a simple pack of mince, and burger to feed the five thousand starving people had emerged, blessed and holy in nature.

But nay, mathius felt his own hunger creep up upon him. He spake to his lord, oh why must i feed this to thy flock, when it is mineself that is so hungry?
The lord pondered, and paused from cooking his own burger, and bade a tome of rejoycment unto mathius.

For thou hast followed my word exactly, and thou hast created a burger worthy of my love, as i love all that lays before me, all that i have created. Eat and be merry mathius, for thou hast deserveth thy burger.

And it was that mathius ate, and was full, a mighty burger he had consumeth, and another he could not make until he found some change and went down to the shops to buy another packet of mince, but he was sated.

Amen.

Damn.. Now I need a burger.