analog

...

I am very disturbed by this revelation.

Shadow_fire

Well..one time my friend convinced me to masturbate in the cemetery near another friends house...is that spontaneous?

abaya

I just wanted to let it be known that this thread, this VERY thread, induced me to experience a bout of spontaneous masturbation earlier this morning.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Shadow_fire

Good work abaya, you win in my books...every last one of them

spectre

I think there's going to be a lot more spontaneous masturbation if all the pretty ladies on the forum keep talking like this.

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

JumpinJesus

true story:

When I was in the Air Force (Bill O'Rights, please please please don't read this....) I was stationed at a base that had an alert aircraft facility on it. One of our jobs as security was to stand in the back of this building 24 hours a day and stare at it (in the off chance some crazy fanatic attempted to burrow his way through the blast exhaust).

Anyway, I was fortunate enough to be posted here one day when I found that the person who was posted there some time before me had left some reading material behind. (Hustler, for the sake of the story). Anyways, the sun went down and I found myself grabbing the magazine, heading up to the top of the facility where no one could see me, and proceeded to lay my seed on the roof of the Zulu Alert Facility, all thanks to a couple of skateboarding lesbians.

My M-16 never left my side.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

Daoust

A couple summer ago I was working for my father in law and I was drilling holes in cement with this drill that vibrated alot, and to operate it properly you had to operate it like a jack hammer and almost sit on it. So for long stretches of time I was placing my dick on a vibrating drill. Needless to say, I had to run to the port-a-poties a couple times to 'get the sin out'. That's as spontaneous a masturbation story that I've got.

__________________
I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

spectre

Anyone else read this and immediately think, "this is my rifle... this is my gun... this is for shooting... this is for fun"

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

Shadow_fire

Now that you mentioned it...I can't get Stewie Griffin's face out of my mind.

biznatch

I've had a spontaneous BJ performed on me once, in a secluded area of central park...and an empty staircase in NYC..

Other than that, I once stared at my penis in the mirror after peeing while an airplane bathroom, and decided "what the hell, he's been on here for 6 hours, he deserves it".

Toaster126

You people are crazy.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

blade02

Thanks for giving it a word. I try to be better about doing homework or studying these days... but when there have been times in the past where I'd use masturbation as an excuse to put off doing homework. If you're trying to kill time, you can drag it out forever.

mixedmedia

ho! are we gonna talk about blowjobs now?

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Tamerlain

I've always wanted to join the mile-high club, but I've never been on a plane with any of my girlfriends. So when I was flying home this past Christmas, I decided I would at least masturbate on a plane. But there was a lineup waiting to use the washroom when I finally got in, so I didn't get the opportunity.

Anyway, just thought I would add my own tangent.

-Tamerlain

__________________
I never let school interfere with my education.

Ourcrazymodern?

Splat, splat, splat splat splat splat splat, dribble, ooze

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

healer

I wish I could get that many splats out...

__________________

Ourcrazymodern?

Some days are diamonds. Just responding to the thread, y'know.
Many responses are spontaneous, right?

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

biznatch

Just because I took the thread from second to third base is no reason to call me a ho, mixedmedia

Sharon

Well you can call me "ho", with solo sex I don't say "no"
Though I'm young I'll keep on at it till I'm old.
I've enjoyed the odd occasion of spontaneous masturbation
And been the cause for others, I've been told.

JumpinJesus

Some of you may have been wondering just where the hell I've been in this thread.

To those of you wondering, well, I've been masturbating.

To those of you not wondering, well, I've been sewing.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

spectre

And for those of you wondering what he was sewing, it's a sock for his masturbating.

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

Grasshopper Green

Did you do it on the balcony, JJ?

(the sewing, of course )

__________________
"They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king"

Formerly Medusa

mixedmedia

LOL! That is the exclamatory ho, my friend. I would never call you a Ho unless I had good reason to.

Why? Is it less sinful if you're wearing a sock?

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

kramus

think of it as a tube sock

and for the Worlds King - perhaps a toe-sock

__________________
And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

Ourcrazymodern?

way cool.

...we people are crazy

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

fresnelly

You want to know what I'm doing right now, while reading this thread? I'm folding diapers, that's what.

Needless to say, opportunity, motivation and energy are a bit subdued these days.

Just you wait though. The pressure is slowly building and some day when I least expect it... Ka-pow!

__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

JumpinJesus

*whew* I feel much better now. Something about girls and girls and girls has some strange effect on me.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

Charlatan

I have to be careful with spontaneity the worst thing is when you are on the subway and suddenly there you are... I think I need to invest in a rubber raincoat.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Sharon

I think vibrating panties might be a useful investment. Are they quiet?

shesus

The more important question: Are you?
I couldn't wear them in public.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

Sharon

I can be if I try really hard... one of my exes used to revel in touching me under the table when we were out having dinner. Particularly fun when we were once out with friends, and I had an orgasm while the waiter was taking orders... he actually asked me if I was feeling okay. Ahh, good days.

Ourcrazymodern?

Excellent.

My wife fondled me under the table and characterized it as a very exciting experience. Needless to say, I also enjoyed it.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Sharon

You should try it on her sometime. The more public, the more fun it is to conceal it.

mixedmedia

Oh yes, that will be so much better. I think they actually put you away for life if caught masturbating in public and wearing a (pervert) raincoat.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Ourcrazymodern?

(I'm doing it again right now)

Oh, wait, there's my wife...

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

The_Jazz

Ah, the things you find when you're looking for broken avatars...

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

healer

Thanks for the trip back in time, Jazzy.

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jewels

Thanks for the bump.

Hell, yeah. All the time. I was a driving masturbator as well. Recalling the early morning events with my man at the time got me very hot on my way to work. I didn't even care if anyone saw, maybe the prospect of someone noticing may have helped.

These days it's at the oddest times. At home, yes, but in the middle of a drab TV show or nonsexual movie scene. Sometimes, the odd post here at TFP might do it.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

speshul-k

This is where self restraint comes in handy.

Church

Damn, if that lady burst into flames from masturbating, she needs to lube up a little more. Thats some serious fire starting friction there...

__________________
Through counter-intelligence, it should be possible to pinpoint potential trouble makers, and neutralize them.