Co-workers and dating. Your views please.

[Shauk]

so, I want to date a co-worker of mine. Although, I've heard her state to another person at work that she won't go out with anyone she works with, and I even went and asked her about it, and she said thats her policy, basically, workplace rumors/gossip about her, regardless of if its good or bad, are an unacceptable factor in her life.

My question is, isn't this a really limiting viewpoint to have about your love life?

Isn't work where we spend 1/2 of our "awake" hours? so doesn't it also seem like the highest likely hood of getting to know someone would be from work? I can't even count the number of friends i've made at work. I wonder where I'd be if I had said "I have a no friends from work policy"

just seems strange to me.

basically I dunno, kinda curious what people think about these "self imposed" policies.


such a bummer, not that my job is anything great, I have no problems switching and such, it doesn't even pay that great

I dunno. Discuss.

[highthief]

I worked with my first wife.

I currently work with my second (and permanent!) wife.

Basically, so long as we work in different departments and don't report to one another, it's fine. But you do have to have a maturity level about things, for sure. Work has to stay at work and home at home. If one party can't handle that, they shouldn't date.

[Kaliena]

I personally don't mind dating people that I work with...only because I'm aware of the risks and I'm willing to take them.

I really think that dating a co-worker can end up ok, as long as you're in different departments, prioritize work (while at work!), and that both parties are definitely ready to face the gossip and various other crap that will follow.

These restrictions usually end up limiting down potential dates a great deal.

[Shauk]

well my position is, i'm a driver, and she works at an entirely different store as an assistant manager, but comes over and helps out at our store when we're short on people (as a make line crew member).

Seriously i've only seen her maybe 2 times at work, I'm always on the road.

the problem is that I'm so deeply entrenched with who I know at work as friends and aquantances that if I, or anyone else says anything, it isn't long before it gets around, and it's pretty much not long after that since it spreads from store to store.

In any case, it's just a pizza job, it's not like I can't replace it or anything, I just kinda had a "moment' of consideration in which I was like "what if this was my career? what if this was the top of my working food chain, how tied would my hands be?"

It was pretty sobering, to say in the least, to know that someone could miss the chance at being happy, in a caring relationship (under ideal circumstances, of course) just because they share the same employer.

I dunno, the more I think about it, the more I'm inclined to think I just got a generic brush off.

I'll probably talk to her about it some more, I just felt like I should have some examples/facts to support my point of view.

Not wanting to twist her arm or anything, but at least give her something to chew on.

[beavstrokinoff]

It's not a bad idea in that you will see the person too much. The problem comes if you break up and still have to see and interact civilly with each other. Some people have a hard time with that. Since it's a pizza job I'd work on her, if she still will not date you tell her you'd quit your job if it would make a difference. She may just be useing that as an excuse because she is no interesed though.

[Cynthetiq]

I met my wife at work. We were good friends for a number of years before we started dating. In fact when we did start dating shortly after she started working back in the same company.

It wasn't a problem for the most part until I wanted to break up with her. It was then problematic because we had many mutual friends. We eventually patched things up and have been married for many years now.

But we never worked in the same department. I never had to see her if I didn't want to since the company was quite large.

[Xera]

I would never date anyone from work. Not for the reasons she stated, but because if things don't work out, particularly if they end very badly, there will be a lot of discomfort involved and work would become a place I dreaded to be. I never really liked seeing an ex after the break up, and you can't avoid that at work.

Doesn't hurt that having most of my jobs in the 'caring' industries- home health provider for adults with developmental disabilities, and teacher's assistant- I don't work with many men.

[Shauk]

Originally Posted by beavstrokinoff

It's not a bad idea in that you will see the person too much. The problem comes if you break up and still have to see and interact civilly with each other. Some people have a hard time with that. Since it's a pizza job I'd work on her, if she still will not date you tell her you'd quit your job if it would make a difference. She may just be useing that as an excuse because she is no interesed though.

yeah, but the only reason I'm considering it though is because she said she would love to date me if we didn't work together.

She had some other stuff to say, and some interaction with me over the last month or so that leads me to believe that she's interested, conflicted, but overall, just trying to protect herself from any problems in the future.

I dunno.

It probably is in her best interest to not wanna work with me. There are a lot of decent jobs out here, I've only stayed at this one for so long because I'm good buddies with my manager and several of my co-workers. It's a no-risk thing for me because I have 3 years under my belt, driving for this town, and he'd hire me back on the spot if I needed him to do so if things didn't work out at my other job.
*I've actually done this already, which is how I know*

[analog]

I've done it twice, but I wouldn't recommend it to most people unless they're absolutely sure about things and know they can handle it. It's not always easy, but I enjoyed it both times.

Go find yourself another job, maybe one that pays better, and then come back and explain you respected her decision not to date coworkers, so you left and now here you are to ask her out. Worst-case scenario, you have no girl and a new job- and if the new job pays better and doesn't burn gas, then all the better.

One thing I wouldn't try to do is "convince" her of why it's ok to date people she works with, or make it seem ok because you'd rarely ever see her. Even if she goes for it, the first peep of gossip will send her running, and permanently. Good luck!

[Shauk]

Originally Posted by analog

I've done it twice, but I wouldn't recommend it to most people unless they're absolutely sure about things and know they can handle it. It's not always easy, but I enjoyed it both times.

Go find yourself another job, maybe one that pays better, and then come back and explain you respected her decision not to date coworkers, so you left and now here you are to ask her out. Worst-case scenario, you have no girl and a new job- and if the new job pays better and doesn't burn gas, then all the better.

One thing I wouldn't try to do is "convince" her of why it's ok to date people she works with, or make it seem ok because you'd rarely ever see her. Even if she goes for it, the first peep of gossip will send her running, and permanently. Good luck!

wise words sir. I will keep this to myself then and go about my way on to the new job search.

dont let that kill the thread though, I think theres more to be said on the issue

[feelgood]

Damn right there's more to be said, I've dated a coworker few years ago and when we broke up, she decided to start a big scene about some dumb thing that I didn't do. Eventually a manager had to step in, she did get in trouble for casuing the scene but I learn a valuable lesson from that experience, never date a coworker.

I've just violated that lesson, I'm dating another coworker (same company) but this time, we both work in different department (She's in HR while I'm in Flight Ops) and we both work at different time. She was initially concerned about everybody finding out about both of us but I managed to convince her that if we handle it properly, we shouldn't have too much of an issues with other coworkers if they found out about us.

If other coworkers find out about us or if they found out about your pursue of this lady-friend, who gives a shit? It's none of their business to begin with, nor does it violate any company policy.

[ratbastid]

Don't dip your quill in company ink! Don't you watch The Office??

[StanT]

Depending on your lifestyle, a lot of the people that you are likely to meet are at work, Why limit yourself? As long as you work in a different department, don't share the same boss, ...

[Sultana]

I think it would be unwise for a manager to date anyone they would/could be supervising.

Just go get a better job. :P

[clavus]

When it comes to romance, I say go for it. Let the chips fall where they may. Of course, I've always worked in small companies where there was nobody I desired...

[Carno]

I've never had a problem dating someone that I worked with.

Then again the only jobs I've ever had were shitty part time jobs that I could easily quit and never regret it. I'd think long and hard about dating someone that worked with me if I were in a job that I loved and wanted to keep though.

[Jove]

I work at a nursing home where 99% of the employees are female and it would be cool to date one of these ladies. But, my father is the administrator of the facility and due to this small fact, I cannot trust any of them just because they could use any type of information against me to make me look like the bad guy.

Now, in your position, I would respect your co-worker's wishes and just be her friend.

[robodog]

After starting my first job I never dated someone I didn't work with =) In fact I met my wife at work. It helps that during my senior year of HS every girl in my department was a cheerleader or in color guard {grin}. The manager was a diry old man, and I loved him for it. In my professional career I have seen quite a few marriages from onetime coworkers, and I have seen my share of office drama. I don't think it has much to do with them being coworkers, more to do with who they are as people. The reason I say that is that I have seen the same type of people (and often the exact same people) create office drama even without the other person working at the same place.

[Nizzle]

I guess it depends. This is something I have done at past jobs, multiple times, and it did not work out well.. at all. Ever.

The "what if you break up" part is a very serious consideration. I'll tell you what generally happens, one person ends up quitting their job. So, yeah, you can look at it from the "why let work interfere with potential happiness?" perspective, but you can also look at it like: "why let *potential* hapiness interfere with gainful employment?" It sounds like it's not an important job to you, but it may be to her.

Now, that's serious relationships. If you're just talking about some random sex with coworkers (hey, I've done that too!), this can get ugly in a different way. First off, if you work in a place that is predominately young -- teens to early 20s -- be prepared for the worst kind of gossip imagineable. Also be prepared for other women you didn't even consider suddenly not liking you so much anymore due to jeleousy. The environment can be very much like high school. You don't realize it until you cross that barrier, and then all sorts of stuff you didn't expect comes out and you regret it.

It's true people spend a lot of time at their job, but they tend to do so and be thrown together not because of an honest desire to be there and hang with like-minded people, but to make cash. Most people hate half the people they work with. As such, you can find yourself easily mixed up with someone who you otherwise probably wouldn't date -- and for good reason, generally speaking. I mean, do you have anything in common but working for the same store? Maybe, but maybe not. A lot of time co-worker interest is purely physical. If that's the case here, don't think of it as potential happiness.

So, I'd respect her self-imposed rule, honestly. She may have dated someone she works with before and just plain knows better now. If you ever hop jobs, grab her phone number on the way out.

[amonkie]

I personally am one that would feel smothered if my SO was involved in EVERY aspect of my life. Yes, work can be a big chunk of your time, but I respect someone having their own interests, and would really have to think hard times 5 to consider dating within the workplace.

Part of the reason - I am a person who looks for advancement ... what could start out as equal coworkers - one of you get promoted and now you're supervisor while the other is not - is your relationship now worth your job?

I see it as a challenge to have other outlets for interaction outside the workplace, and it becomes one less thing that could be a potential relationship issue. Good relationships are hard enough, without bringing excess baggage to the table.

[little_tippler]

It's probably better to leave it alone, the mess you might have to clean up after won't be worth it.

[thingstodo]

There's an old saying: don't sleep where you work. I'm sure there are exceptions like there are to every rule.

Where you work could be defined as the company or the actual area. It's one thing if you work at, say Ford in different divisions and another if you're both line workers for the same car. Plus, it's fun to work together in the beginning when romance is in the air but that only lasts so long. Then, reality sets in and absense does make the heart grow fonder.

(sorry for all the clichés, but they fit!)

[Average_Joe]

I dated someone at work only once, and when we broke it off, it was hard to see her everyday. We gave each other the awkward "hi" when we passed by each other. Also, when things were promising between each other, she was a major distraction for me. I was spending too much time flirting with her that actually working.

[StormBerlin]

I dated a coworker once, and I will never, ever do it again. When you spend so much time there during the day, you don't need any more distraction than necessary, good or bad. Chances are it would turn out to be nothing more than a fling anyway.