John Henry

What's your top tip for anything at all that makes life a bit easier? Off the top of my head mine would be: Don't worry about it. I'll let you know if I think of anything more practical.

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"No one was behaving from very Buddhist motives. Then, thought Pigsy, he was hardly a Buddha, nor was he a monkey. Presently, he was a pig spirit changed into a little girl pretending to be a little boy to be offered to a water monster. It was all very simple to a pig spirit."

apetaster

Always attack issues thinking two steps ahead. This includes driving.

septal

Hide it until you need it, so no one knows you have it until you use it against them.

this refers to talents, skills, brains, etc. Note: you shouldn't hide them from people you love, true friends. It's a delicous survival tactic.

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septal

oh, and don't use the heater on cool summer nights, you'll appreciate it more in the winter.

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septal

clean socks are better than a clean shirt in terms of making you feel clean. Wear protection. If you sing in public, most people will pretend to not notice you. Coke and Pepsi, while delicous on their own, are not good when combined. Don't be afraid to kick people in the crotch, especially if they have weapons. Never cut the red wire. Double-check to make sure its a parachute, and not a backpack. Learn at least one good science joke, to impress nerds. Caffeine is good for you. Saccharin is not good for you. If you're going to punch a wall, make sure you don't hit a support beam inside of it, or a wall with pictures hanging on it. Don't dig a gigantic hole in a dirt yard and leave it there, because spiders and other gross insects will come and live there. Remeber that hairspray, bugspray, WD-40, and cooking spray are all very flammable. Don't mess around with bugzappers, because its very difficult to make tazers and very easy to electrocute yourself. If you must, wear gloves. Read lots of old science fiction books from the 60's and 70's, like "Starwolf". Don't judge a book by its cover, but feel free to pass judgements based on bindings. When doing an English accent, make sure it is a subtle accent, or it will seem fake. Remember to take advice from Septal, writing it down if you have to.

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ishmit2004

It is better to not speak and leave people wondering if you are stupid than to speak and remove all doubt.

sapiens

Damn! Exactly what I was going to say.

Kind of a variation: "Think before you speak."

Maybe it's just because I am in academia, but I seem to encounter people who speak without thinking all the time. When I am in a discussion, academic or otherwise, I TRY to review all my comments in my head before I express them to others. I ask myself:
"Will my comment contribute anything useful to the discussion?",
"Are there many weaknesses in my argument?"
"Will my comment make me look like an ass?"

If I conclude that my comments may be useful, are not fraught with logical errors, and won't make me look like an ass, I speak.

Of course, I'm not perfect. I TRY to do these things. Mostly, I focus on not looking like an ass. I often fail.

BigJayz

A woman is as old as she looks....


A man is old when he stops looking!

BigJayz

you might get too old to cut the mustard...but you are never too old to lick the jar!~my grandfather

MySexyAssJ

those who claim to have everything, don't have anything..
and those who keep it to themselves, have it all.

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Once bitten, Twice shy.

cj2112

Don't pee on the electric fence (trust me on this.)

Rodney

35 percent on a $150 tab. I once tipped a waiter than much for certain services... that made my life a little easier. :-)

But that's not what you mean. I guess my major wisdom is, Always have a back-up plan for anything you do. Always have a fallback position in mind.

Because if you already know how you're to get by if things go wrong, then you remove a lot of anxiety and thus can focus all your attention on making things go right.

stevie667

Don't panic.

If its done, its done, no use worrying. Your time is better spent thinking how to weasel out of it.

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Office hours have changed. Please call during office hours for more information.

SaltPork

Never worry, but plan, just in case. Worrying never accomplishes anything, but if you plan then you will always be prepared. Always check your fly after going to the bathroom. Have one legal vice but don't go to extremes with it.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

clavus

Don't eat the brown acid
Don't press red buttons.
Don't stab people with syringes you find in the street
Don't frighten old people
There is no such thing as a metal frisbee
Don't point the crossbow at your friends
Don't put your nephew in the micorwave
Don't shut your eyes while you are driving
Don't throw grit at the driver
Don't paly games with poisonous snakes
Unplug the electric saw before you try to fix it.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

rmarshall

When you go to a stripbar leave the cellphone in the car.

Giant Hamburger

Wash your hands after cutting up jalapenos!

WhiteDevil

The worst mistake you can make in life is thinking you've figured it all out.

That was supposed to be my senior quote all those years ago and got left out of the yearbook. The point is, once you assume you have a really firm handle on life, it throws you a curve. Be ready for anything, though not afraid of everything.

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Join me or die! Can you do any less?

StormBerlin

Don't ever think about the past with a feeling of regret, even in the slightest. It'll hinder your ability to learn from any mistakes you might have made.

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

NoSoup

Although this may not be very nice, I kinda hope that each of these you learned from personal experience.

And I hope you write about them here on teh TFP

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I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...

Andy_

Don't worry about a thing, cos every little thing, gonna be alright

Average_Joe

Most people don't plan to fail, they just fail to plan.

rockogre

You can't go wrong with the Boy Scout Motto, "Be Prepared"!

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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

MSD

Don't jerk off for two days after working with fiberglass insulation.
I was hoping you'd post in this thread, and I was not disappointed.
Do not cook with spices and touch a lady's sensetive areas later that day, it will end badly.

Crack

Never touch a "real" Coyboy's Hat.

Call your mom a week before mother's day, then again on mother's day, it will make it seem less contrived.

Don't underestimate anyone, don't overestimate yourself.

Don't autibly fart in public, or in front of someone you want to ever have sex with unless you have already been having sex with them for longer than 6 months.

don't bite your nails

If you are a man, never hug a guy from behind, or let yourself be so hugged.

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Rodney

Some more:

Asking for advice is good, but don't assume that the other guy is any smarter than you are.

Taking advice from others is good, but the people most eager to offer it usually don't know what the f*ck they're talking about.

After you've made all your plans and back-up plans -- be prepared to improvise!

Don't call old people cheap because they split restaurant meals; many just don't have much appetite. But _do_ call 'em cheap when they tip ten percent.

The louder a dog yaps, the less you have to worry about. It's the quiet ones that'll get ya.

The things that you can't bear to remember are the things that happen again and again.

If somebody wants to be your best friend the moment they meet you -- watch out, 'cause you ain't _that_ wonderful.

First-served should never take the last helping, too.

krwlz

Don't split wood in sandals... No matter how much you think you never miss.
And don't fuck with Mrs. Murphey.
Wait until after you get your grades before telling a professor what you think of them.

Slims

If you decide to join the Army, be one of the few and actually read your contract first.

She is always right.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

CSflim

Further to what clavus said;

Don't stick your hand in the blender.
Don't use the hairdryer while you're in the bath.
Unplug the electric saw before you try to fix it.
Don't point the crossbow at your friends.
Don't trim your toenails with a carving knife.
Don't climb inside old freezers in the junkyard.
Don't put your nephew in the microwave.
Don't summon demons with the ouija board.
Don't try to make new holes in your belt while you're still wearing it.
Don't try to swim to the island.
Don't throw darts at people.
There is no such thing as a metal frisbee.
Don't climb on the roof.
Don't throw stones at me to try to attract my attention.
Don't shut your eyes while you are driving.
There is no such thing as a metal frisbee.
Don't drink the grey wine.
Don't swallow pills that you find on the street.
Don't stab people with old syringes.
Don't make your own fireworks.
Don't drop slabs from the motorway bridge.
Don't take the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Don't throw grit at the driver.
Don't make your own flamethrower.
Stay out of the chemistry lab when the supervisor is absent.
Don't throw ammunition on the campfire.
Don't play games with poisonous snakes.
Don't eat glass.
Don't smoke in the refuelling bay.
Be careful with the nail gun and air rifle and the circular saw.
Don't glue razor blades onto things.
Don't pick fights with known psychopaths.
Don't touch the hotplate.
Don't hang glide over the volcano.
Don't lean out of the window when the bullet train is in motion.
Don't put old car batteries in the furnace.
Don't play chicken.
Don't fly a kite beneath the electricity pylon.
Don't be dared to do dangerous things by people with missing limbs.
Don't make roadblocks on the bobsleigh run.
Don't pretend to be a doctor.
Don't tamper with the braking system.
Don't shout at old people.
Don't liberate zoo animals.
Don't use the lawnmower to trim the hedge.
Don't give bayonets to children.
Don't hide the fire extinguisher.
Don't run in the hospital.
Don't stick metal coat hangers in the toaster while it is still switched on.
Don't buy bomb-making equipment.
Don't slash my tires whiles I'm driving.
Don't play war in the electricity substation.
Don't stage mock executions.
Stay away from the ski jump and the cable car and the vernicular railway.
Don't volunteer for the drug testing.
Don't go in a hot air balloon.
Don't press red buttons.
Obey the stop signs and the no-entry signs and the speed limit.
Don't jump over the barriers.
There is no such thing as a metal frisbee.
Don't try to perform surgery on yourself.
Don't stick kebab skewers up your nose.
Don't join the army.
Keep your hands off the gas tap and the welding equipment and the railways signals.
Don't break into people’s houses and climb up their chimneys.
Don't park in the fast lane.
Don't steal police cars.
Don't pretend to be an acupuncturist or a pilot or a back specialist.
Don't try to grow biological weapons.
Wash your hands afar using pesticides.
And above all don't eat scorpions.

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genuinegirly

Making life easier...

speed-read through an Organic Chemsitry chapter first, then go back for vocab and solidifying the concepts. It presents this delightful feeling of "oh! I knew that!" when it could otherwise be daunting and intimidating.

oh! and crock pots are of the gods. food; throw it together in the morning, and it's ready in time for dinner. no effort involved. though do be sure that it's not going to burn anything down. :/

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Gilda

Reset the trip odometer while the car is in park, not while pulling out of the parking lot.

Gilda

TexanAvenger

Get to know the rules extremely well just before you decide to break them. There are loopholes everywhere.

Willravel

Shut up and drive.

SirLance

He who asks is a fool for five minutes. He who doesn't ask remains a fool forever.

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

newtx

If you have had it for 2 years and haven't used it- throw it away. If it is a collectable and hasn't appreciated in 2 years - sell it.

Zeraph

Have a plan to kill everyone you meet (joking).

Never let school interfere with your education.

If you're going to sin, sin bravely.

read the fine print.

never trust a businessman.

Lasereth

The large amount of personal references in this thread are slightly annoying due to the readers not knowing what the references are contrived from.

My top tip is to simply be nice. If you're getting ready to yell at someone or do something that anyone could possibly find rude, mean, or ignorant, then don't do it. You'll find yourself with a lot more friends and basically no enemies.

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert