bing bing

A friend of mine at uni is quite into lifting weights and consequently, he’s a fucking meat axe. However, lifting ridiculously heavy weights has its downside in that it can result in hernia and you guessed it, my friend developed one of the scrotal variety. Now the emergence of the hernia isn’t the funny part of the story, the funny part is that he used it to make money in a manner that I regard to be a subtle form of prostitution.

Last week he got an examination at the UTAS doctor’s surgery. Upon consultation, the doctor asked if he’d be comfortable in having 60-something fourth year medical students examining his sack over the course of a three hour period. The doctor further added that there’d be $200 bucks involved. Being the starving, poor and shameless motherfucker he is, he agreed.

The next week, he shaved his junk and went to the Royal Hobart Hospital for the three hours of relentless molestation. It pretty much all went without a hitch while he stood there getting his balls cupped and fondled by various men and women of various ethnicities. However, then came the hot Italian chick and the subsequent thought of her handling his junk. This resulted in a half erection which he fought with nobility and righteousness by biting of his tongue until it bled.

The end.


So guys, has anyone here slutted out their body to science?

Lucifer

I haven't but that made me laugh.

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fresnelly

Ha, ha. Nope.

I understand that drug trials often require very strict dietary regimens and can take quite a toll. No thanks.

"Meat Axe?"

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bing bing

A meat axe is a any dude with a dorito shaped back and muscles that are ridiculously big.

maleficent

the psych department and med school at my alma mater used to pay poor starving students to be guinea pigs for all sorts of testing of stuff... I had a roommate who was a guinea pig for one battery of tests -- and was truly disturbing listening to her in the bathroom at the colors she happened to be peeing... I really didn't want to know that... I always thought it was just easier to get a job

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aberkok

It wasn't at all sexual (unfortunately), but one time I did a series of experiments designed to test the effects of caffeine on cardio-vascular activity. I'd take some pills, wait a bit, then cycle on a stationary bike until exhaustion.

The only link between my situation and bing bing'sfriend is that I'd often wait a couple of hours until biking, during which I got to watch movies. One of the movies I watched was "Saving Private Ryan." If you are familiar with some of the variations on this title, then you'll quickly see what it has to do with a finely shorn scrotum.

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Rodney

Not exactly, but....

Long ago in my teens, some company that had hired me sent me to a doctor's office for an employee physical. He has me strip down to my briefs, pokes and prods me. Then to finish up, he gives me the Ishihara colorblindness test, which consists of trying to discern numbers in several pages of colored circles. I failed miserably on about half of them. He got excited and called in _all_ the nurses, assistants, and I think everybody except the receptionist (all female, of course) so they could watch a truly colorblind, skinny, shy, 19-year-old male in his underpants fail the Ishihara test over and over again.

And I didn't even get paid.

Charlatan

I once went to a dermatologist to get a mole removed.

He offered to do it for free if he could snap a picture of my junk. Saved myself $150 bucks.

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Giant Hamburger

Was the mole anywhere near your junk?

It would be a funnier story if the mole was on your face or back.

Charlatan

It was in my armpit... seriously.

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Giant Hamburger

Nice!

Do you have extra junk under your arm?

*hugs Charlatan until there is a happy ending

Carno

Well, this thread was funny until Giant Hamburger made it weird.

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BigBen

Uh, Charlie, please tell me that there was a scientific purpose for the junk pictures, and you didn't actually get worked over by a molesting dermatologist...

My story:

I have a good buddy Simon. Simon went to the University of Manitoba, located in Winnipeg. For those in the know, back me up a bit here : Winnipeg is a fucking cold place in the Winter. Fellow Canucks actually say "Holy Fuck it's cold out there" when we travel to Winnipeg.

Simon was a starving student, and saw a poster in the commons offering $100 bucks an HOUR to participate in medical research. You had to be physically fit, and the medical exam and health questionaire got you $100 for just applying! Holy shit.

Simon shows up, fills out the paperwork and gets naked. The doc comes in and gives him a thorough exam. "You are an excellent candidate."

"What is the research, doc?" Simon said, wondering if he was going to be shot out of a cannon or play chess with a super smart monkey.

"Hypothermia research."

"Ouch. Yeah, what the fuck, I need the money."

And so it went. He spent 8 hours on a Friday getting dunked in freezing water, then pulled out and warmed up.

The first trial was a baseline trial. You sit in an ice bath until you start to shake violently (stage 2 hypothermia, btw). They take you out, towel you off, and let you sit naked in a room at room temperature. He had thermometers all over his body, one down his throat and one up his ass. It took about 10 minutes for him to get fucked up in the "Chamber-O-Shivers", and about 45 minutes for him to warm up again. There were all kinds of machines, staff running back and forth, all different stuff.

Then back into the ice bath, stage 2, and this time he got a blanket!
Then back into the ice bath, stage 2, and now he got a fan with warm air blown on him!
Then back in the ice bath, stage 2, and now he got a heated arm thingy, so the heat started at the extremities.
And so on, so forth.

At the end of the day, they paid him in cash ($800 bucks, two months rent!) and thanked him for all of his hard work. He walked home without a coat on. It was the middle of January. "I just didn't feel cold any more..." was his reply when his roommate screamed at him.

Then a funny thing happened... The research team called back.

It seems that he was the only person to ever get through all day. Others quit after only a couple of hours, and with Simon going through all of the tests gave very valuable data to the physiology project. The team lead (a PhD post-doc, I find out later) phoned some colleagues in Europe and the U.S., and told them about Simon. His international counterparts would like to do some tests as well. Is Simon interested in further research?

Simon said "Still $100 bucks an hour?"

Yes, the team lead said.

Simon said "I want to watch movies this time. Can you set up a TV and VCR for me to watch?"

We can arrange that, the researcher replied.

"When do we start?"

So over the next 3 months, he spent his Fridays with electrodes all over him, up his ass and down his throat, freezing his balls off and watching movies.

The last set of tests he was in, the team asked if he would be willing to go to stage 3 hypothermia. Yeah, you read that right. Almost dead. Well, not quite. The researcher would administer opiates into the system once stage 2 hypothermia occurred, and his breathing and heartrate would slow down, and he would stop shivering. This would simulate stage 3, but if anything bad happened, they just shoot Narcan into him to get him out of it. All very safe, all very scientific.

Simon said "Still $100 bucks an hour?"

Yes, came the reply.

So here he was, drugged and sitting in a bathtub full of ice, little beeping machines all around him, and he got $100 bucks an hour. Tax free. Cash. Anonymous under the table.

He was buying the drinks, and living the high life. He paid his student loans off, and got a really expensive set of downhill skis. We were all jealous.

And he got a really cool plaque with a picture of a Polar Bear with ice on his nose. It was signed by the researchers involved. He found out later that he made the New England and British Journals of Medicine. Big deal, I suppose.

And he rarely wears a jacket in the winter. All these years later. "I just don't feel the cold." People look at him like he is nuts.

Which he is, of course.

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analog

...you prostituted out a pic of your junk for a mole removal? How the hell did THAT conversation go?? lol

Charlatan

I was actually there to have some work done on my junk. I asked about the mole. He was facinated by my piercing (this was in 1993). He asked if he could take a picture for teaching purposes. Offered to remove a the mole in exchance for a couple of pictures.


The best part was when he asked if I minded if his wife posed with me.


(edit: and holy fuck it's cold in Winnipeg!)

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meembo

I sold plasma and blood regularly in college. Beer money

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The_Jazz

I once got paid $50 to run on a treadmill for an hour while blindfolded and with white noise earphones on by a psychology student while I was an undergrad. I had to go for a 10 mile run anyway (ended it up outside when I was done). The worst part was the usual lack of air movement around the treadmill that I get anyway, not the sensory deprivation part. I think that I threw off the curve since I was the only one to get farther than 30 minutes. Then again, I was the only one on the XC team in the study.

Whatever, it was a month's worth of beer regardless.

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xepherys

How has nobody commented on BigBen's story... as per usual, your story telling skills are perfect for funny stories. I've always dealt well with cold... but not THAT well. Yikes!

maleficent

I'm waiting for the book of his stories that he better be publishing soon...

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xepherys

Yeah, I would also purchase such a book. It'd be a great coffee table reader...

clavus

When BigBen writes his book, can I write the intro?

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msh58

lol, no human experiments for me yet, plenty of time. lol

Toaster126

I've never "slutted my body out to science". I don't know whether it is because I don't have any shame or because I am willing to do lots of things for money, but I'd love to do any paid experiments that didn't involve drugs going into my body.

Good stories, kids.

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Elphaba

And provide the necessary illustrations!

Sultana

I tried real hard to do this in college, but was told my veins weren't big enough.

It got so tight one semester that I kicked around the idea of selling my body (once dead) for medical research. I was discussing this with my biology professor, and when the conversation lulled, I figured it was time to move on to my next class. Apparently he was just deep in thought, 'cause when I got about 50 feet away or so, he shouted out to me,
"If you do ever sell your bady, let me know!"

I guess they didn't pay biology professors very well, and he was considering taking the same action, but that's *not* what that comment sounded like to all the other people nearby!

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Gatorade Frost

I don't get paid for it, but I have to do at least 5 hours of psychological testing to get credit for my psyc class. Either that or write 5 research papers. I suppose once I get them done in the next month I'll let you guys know what I got tested on and all of that.

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Emo Philips

Charlatan

"If you do ever sell your body, let me know!"

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spectre

Yes, a few times. One time was for chemo treatments that covered all of the treatment plus any complications that resulted. I wasn't paid for it, but they covered >$1 million in medical expenses, so it wasn't too bad.

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bing bing

BigBen's story is far superior to mine.

ubertuber

Let's see here... Not dead, and not >$1 million in debt...

I'd say you came out ahead on that one spec!

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oberon

For $100 an hour and to become desensitized to cold I'd put myself through hypothermia research too. And yes, Winnipeg (a.k.a. "Winterpeg") is Fucking Cold(tm) in the winter. Sadly, I've never had the opportunity to visit Winnipeg or become a scientific research slut.

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basmoq

I've used to sell plasma, but my wife won't let me anymore, she has a virus that I'm immunized against, but she still doesn't think it'd be safe I'm an at home dad and it could give me some oversight free spending money, life sucks...

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VitaminH

I was once a guinea pig for a study looking at the effects of lycopene (the stuff that makes tomatoes red) on males. It was a preliminary thing that looked at blood levels and how long it stays in our body to get data before they tried it in prostate cancer patients.

The first 48 hours were the worst, had to spend them in the hospital getting blood drawn initially every 15 minutes, then by the end it was every few hours. The diet was terrible because we couldn't have anything with lycopene or lycopene like stuff in it initally and so they overloaded us on calories to try to compensate. They doubled my daily intake from my diet diary I kept beforehand, which was like 1800...so I had to eat 3600 calories of terrible, terrible hospital food.

By the end of the 48 hours I was sure it was not a lycopene study but rather a study to see how much food we could choke down before we vomited.

After those two days it was much better, and I only couldn't eat anything with tomatoes in it for 4 weeks, keep a diet log like 2x a week and get blood drawn every few days. At the end I got $500 cash. I felt it was well worth it, but if you had asked me when I was in those first 2 days...ugh.

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Sp0rAdiC

Where can I find places to donate plasma, and where can I find listings for "guinea pigs" needed for scientific purposes? I've been looking around and I can't find much. I'm looking for things around the area of Burlington, Vermont.

Siege

For all you poor college/university students out there.

"How to sell your body for cash"

http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to...66_how_to.html

Never tried any of this myself. Maybe I should sell my blood. Hell, I do it for free now and then, maybe I should get paid for it while i'm at it.

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This part just makes my posts easier to find

Gabbyness

Bing bing and Big Ben,

Those stories made me laugh my ass off. You guys rock.

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Brewmaniac

Wonderful story Ben, I really got a kick out of it. Charlatan yours made me laugh. Thanks for sharing your stories everyone!

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Bossnass

I took part in a several month red blood cell study, back when I was athletic. I willingly sold huge amounts of blood. For food. Alright, it was cases of Powerbars and other nutritional suplements and technically was volunteer work with consideration. But the basic idea was blood for food.

They took blood at the start of the training season. Then a week later. Then every three days as I started training hard. Not a little blood, but several vials worth. Not like a red cross donation, but way more than a diabetic sample either.

But that wasn't bad. It was when I started doing some construction work and serious training at Fortress Mountain. The researchers were intrigued about the change in elevation (Calgary, at about 1000-1100 m (3500 feet), Fortress, at 2000m+ (7250+)). I would train in the morning, work all afternoon, then go back to my room at Fortress, exhausted, to find out that someone was waiting to take my blood. And I'd never know when. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes a week passed.

My part in the study ended shortly after I greeted one of the researchers, who had driven out from Calgary to take a sample by saying "When are you fucking vampires going to leave me alone?".

It didn't take me long to learn to hate needles. Also, when you are in thinner air and over training, you already feel lightheaded. Then they take your blood. Fucking vampires.

Paq

This si just a followup for Ben's wonderful post again.

First, a preface: In 7th grade, some kids made fun of my winter coat in school bc i wore the same one i wore in 6th grade, which is, apparently, a big nono. So, after that day, i never wore a jacket to school (not hard to do in SC, but it still gets to about 20F during winters).

Now, in the 10th grade, i was in marching band and we went to goose creek to play in a football game, no biggie bc the marching band uniforms were wool and very warm. I didn't learn until that afternoon that we were not dressing for the game bc the whole band wasn't going and we were just going to be playing in the stands...No biggie for me, except for the fact i was in jeans and a t-shirt.

Well, yeah, it snowed during the game and i'm in probably stage 2 hypothermia (violently shaking) while my friends try to keep my fingers warm. I'm trying every meditative technique i can just to finish out hte 2 hrs at 25F with snow coming down while playing a sax.

I got home, everyone told me i was going to be sick, etc, but I didn't even catch a headcold from it. Other part: After that, nothing really felt as cold anymore. I can't go out in 20 degree weather in a t-shirt w/otu shivering, but it doesn't physically "hurt" anymore.

Not as interesting as Ben's friend, but it's still pretty amazing at what can change people.

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BigBen

Absolutely. Clavus has to do the illustrations.

Hey Clavus, how are you at drawing really drunk people?

There would be lots of illustrations like that.

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