How do others in your life see you?

[Gilda]

This came up in class discussion today over the book Bridge to Terabithia, where nobody really gets to know a certain character except her best friend, who gets to see her true personality shine when they're together. It got me to thinking, what do others see in us?

So I asked my students in the children's lit class to think of how the world sees them, and whether they see themselves in the same way.

Here is the first thing the people in my life think of when they thing of me, in one word:

The students in my children's lit class: passionate/geeky/stylish

Sissy: sad

Dr. KGB: liminal

Grace: gentle

What one word describes how others see you IRL? Is it different for different people, or do you present the same to everyone? What do you think accounts for the difference?

Gilda

[JumpinJesus]

I don't really know how others view me. I know there are some who don't like me, though I don't know why. Then there are others who do like me, and still I don't know why. I present an entirely different side of myself to my students than I do to my friends and family.

The reason for presenting two different sides to my students and to my friends/family is out of necessity. I can't maintain a level of professionalism with my students if I were to display to them that private side of my personality.

I've heard my students call me both mean and nice. Some have said they love being in my class, others have said I'm a boring teacher. I guess the most telling aspect of this is that these are all things they have said directly to me. The fact that they want me to be their teacher all the way through 8th grade - I've been with them since 5th grade - is also telling. They don't want to trade me for another teacher yet.

Now, whether my friends and family want to trade me in for someone better is another story.

[Tamerlain]

Hmm, hard to pick one word I think people would associate me with. What's a word for "person people always come to to ask questions?" Knowledgeable maybe. I think that comes from my insatiable curiousity - I like to know everything.

If my family had to choose one word I think it would be protective. I'm the oldest, so that's natural.

Good post, I like the topic.

-Tamerlain

[snowy]

I know others view me as confident and strong, even though I feel everything but. My mom insists I am the strongest person she knows, mostly because when everyone else is hurting I appear to be the strong one. But I think that's it--it's all in appearance. Like when my grandfather was dying--I was the strong one, but inside I was just aching. The confidence is largely faked too. I am incredibly insecure, yet most people who know me would say they would never think of me that way. I'm pretty good at convincing them I'm not, I guess.

[healer]

I think it depends who you ask. If you ask my family, I think they'll say something along the lines of "good-boy". Sometimes a bit stubborn and not thinking things through all the way, but all in all a pretty solid character. Being the eldest child as well as the eldest grandchild has brought with it a feeling of responsibility for cousins, nieces and nephews. That helped.

I think mandy sees too much in me sometimes. But I think that because she thinks so highly of me it makes me strive to be better. A better person in general and a better boyfriend for her.

So no one word, but I do hope someone thinks of me as just plain normal.

[ShaniFaye]

There is this really bad rumor going around that Im a "sweet" person, lately thats how everyone I know seems to describe me. Like onesnowyowl, my family says Im the "strong" one and I dont disagree with that one

But sweet? I just dont see it, I never have

[roachboy]

this is a difficult question....

i am reading a novel by natalie sarraute called "the planetarium" that uses this gap (how you imagine yourself to be/how others see you) as its main device----which gets developed in a more or less virginia woolf style. it stages something of the variability of this gap and the speed/complexity of shifts in how characters see themselves, how they are seen by other characters, how situationally driven these shifts are, etc...

it's interesting...i'd recommend it.

more generally, tho---i am often surprised by the distance that seperates how i think i am seen and how others apparently see me---particularly how students see me.

i think of myself as somewhere between the dude from the big lebowski and a list-making machine. a kind of approachable fellow with an affection for irony. furry and kinda myopic. of the tristram shandy school of lecturing. given to despair-ridden political digressions.

apparently i am seen as intimidating. distant and not terribly approachable. given to making jokes that are not necessarily obvious as jokes. the digressions/stories/examples--which i think make things accessible and myself more like a regular guy---apparently function in the opposite way.
physically, they sometimes see the dude resemblance--which i flatter myself with inwardly from time to time--but they also think i look like karl marx (because of photos on book covers i assume) or some mountain guy (all this a function of the beard)---these overlays seem to be internally contradictory and so reinforce the sense of being-distant and unapproachable.

being in history puts me in the unfortunate position of having to do lecture classes sometimes--i have found myself doing them as straighter classes than i would like as a function of the strange perception framing that seems to come with the territory.

seminars are different--i prefer them because they do not require a consistent persona and are more amenable to multiple levels of playing.

it is most strange--when you think of how you see yourself what you factor in, what you leave out. when you find yourself in a situation, how much weight you grant it... the bizarre truncated information available to work out how students might see you (evaluation forms...sheesh) and how little it seem that you can do about it.

[maleficent]

my mother made the comment to me/about me recently that she didn't know me at all... I don't remember what prompted the comment... or rather i've chosen to not remember... but that pretty much sums up my relationships with others...

People see me as arrogant, totally lacking in all things self esteem related, shy, extroverted, bitchy, kind, quiet, loud, friendly, standoffish, wallflower, life of the party, sad, happy, generous, selfish, sarcastic... I'm not really sure i want to know how people see me.

[Siege]

I think in my case, it really depends.

In certain circles, i'm seen as intimidating (a 5'7" asian kid? Hahaha)

In most cases, i'd say that i'm seen as quiet, uncaring and lazy.

As for how I view myself, I think i'm DEFINITELY not intimidating nor uncaring. But I am quiet and I am very lazy.

[JustJess]

Actually, I was just sent this interesting website that covers this very question.

http://kevan.org/johari - You choose 5 or 6 words you feel describes you, and ask others to choose the 5 or 6 words THEY think describe you. You then see the breakdown in terms of :known only to yourself, known to all (you and others), and not known to self (but known to others).

I thought it was really interesting. Apparently, the whole world thinks I'm extroverted, but noone knows I'm independent. I wished for more choices... like opinionated, stubborn, determined... but it's still an interesting exercise.

[ARTelevision]

Even though my work does involve creating, maintaining, and destroying multiple personas - I have no idea how they are perceived.

That's probably why this subject interests me.

I find self-perception essentially nonexistent.

I find others inscrutable.

*

Based on these statements I would venture others find me inscrutable...

[frogza]

The people who know me but not well would say shy. People who know me better say quiet.

[Redlemon]

Originally Posted by Gilda

Dr. KGB: liminal

Even if I didn't love you before, I would love you now. That's my self-descriptor, especially through high school.

I think others would consider me caring, but guarded. I'm there for you, but I'm reluctant to let you in.

[Giant Hamburger]

There is one word I have heard all my life... "weird."

[Supple Cow]

Originally Posted by JustJess

Actually, I was just sent this interesting website that covers this very question.

http://kevan.org/johari - You choose 5 or 6 words you feel describes you, and ask others to choose the 5 or 6 words THEY think describe you. You then see the breakdown in terms of :known only to yourself, known to all (you and others), and not known to self (but known to others).

I thought it was really interesting. Apparently, the whole world thinks I'm extroverted, but noone knows I'm independent. I wished for more choices... like opinionated, stubborn, determined... but it's still an interesting exercise.

Yup, I sent my Johari window to a small list of people, too. Only 7 have answered so far and the overwhelming consensus seems to be that I am both clever and silly. Also, all of the words I chose to describe myself were chosen by at least one other person... but I think that is just indicative of the people I chose to participate in this exercise with me. They are on the short list of people who know me better than anyone. The differences in their answers also make a lot more sense to me based on my experiences with them... for instance, my roommate Ty (who I've been helping get accustomed to the city and getting over her recent mugging) chose both "trustworthy" and "dependable" (unusually similar choices for two out of six words) and also "giving," which nobody else used to describe me.

All this tells me is that the people whom I consider close are just that. As for other people I encounter in life, I imagine they will choose to see me as they see fit. I'm pretty sure most people I know IRL find me cold and unresponsive, while a fair number also find me wild and carefree, or even passionate and idealistic. I guess that just depends on whether they know me from a class or an extracurricular activity or from hanging out at a bar. For me, the differences in what I project are a function of my personal evolution and my feelings about each person. As for how each projected persona is perceived (and received), the differences probably have to do with each person's state of mind. It makes me very sad, but I can think of many people who don't ever seem to perceive that I'm a person at all because my physical appearance seems to be so darn distracting.

[Poppinjay]

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

There is one word I have heard all my life... "weird."

From both the people you know and the voices in your head?

[Giant Hamburger]

Originally Posted by Poppinjay

From both the people you know and the voices in your head?

I know more than two people.

[stevie667]

'Lazy' from people at college

'Random' from my friends

Think that about covers it.

[ngdawg]

I have no clue. I know my friends love me, so I guess I'm doing something right. I'll leave the insights to others, whether I think they're wrong or not.

I project personas differently to different people, sometimes at will, but I'm mostly at ease and true with my friends and even then, some know what others don't and the one person who probably knows me best isn't in that close circle.

[Charlatan]

I just asked my Mom to give me two words to describe me...

She said: approachable and interesting.

How bland.

[ngdawg]

Originally Posted by Charlatan

I just asked my Mom to give me two words to describe me...

She said: approachable and interesting.

How bland.

Never ask your mom....ask your kids

[Carno]

Well, now most people would probably say I was laidback.

That is a fairly new development though.

[Giant Hamburger]

*slowly approaches Charlatan

[maleficent]

Originally Posted by Charlatan

She said: approachable and interesting.

How bland.

Not even a little bit... approachable is something that most people should strive to be - and i'd take it as a major compliment if someone ever said that about me... Interesting - well - she's your mum.... Interesting is better than boring...

[JustJess]

I'd be more worried if she said "sexy" or "fine lookin' wool" or something. Ew.

[Pip]

A few years ago, some friends told me: "We've figured you out. You try to appear all evil, but you're really a sweetie." My boss says I'm "dependable". I might grumble, complain and procrastinate but in the end I get things done, and I enjoy it. At work I just keep the grumbling down to a minimum. So in principle I present the same face to everyone, but I balance the aspects differently depending on the situation.

[Charlatan]

I just asked my wife for two words: principled and creative/intelligent (she couldn't think of one word that combined the two).

I asked my son (age 11) and he said: smart and fun

I asked my daughter (age 3) and she said: bye Dad!

[snowy]

I asked my significant other and he said, "What's a word to describe someone who's a good speller?"

He also said I had a sexy booty.

[Giant Hamburger]

I asked my 6 year old daughter this morning to describe me in one word.
She said, "funny and good at video games."

My wife said, "foxy."

[Charlatan]

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

My wife said, "foxy."

I would say, "juicy" is a better description but that might be a bit too Brokeback Mountain...

[Meditrina]

I have been thinking about this topic since I first read it. I am having a hard time distinguishing between what *I* think they think, and what they actually think.

I think my co-workers, most of them, probably see me as shy and quiet. I rarely come out of my office and I don't participate in many of the things they have here (as in parties, lunches, and other things not during working hours). I *hope* that they see me as a helpful person, that is part of my job.

My husband probably sees me as a moody person, who can ever tell what mood I will be in next.

Unfortunately, I fear that my children see me as moody also, and don't ever know how I will react to something. I am happy to say that I am working on this every day in hopes that they will not be afraid of my moods. I know they love me, they tell me all of the time.

I am wondering if these feelings are coming from me, and not them. Is this how I see myself? This is highly probable. There are many times when I don't like myself, so how can I expect others to? Again, this is something I am working on every day.

[Giant Hamburger]

Originally Posted by Charlatan

I would say, "juicy" is a better description but that might be a bit too Brokeback Mountain...

*unbuckles belt

Originally Posted by sportswidow05

Unfortunately, I fear that my children see me as moody also, and don't ever know how I will react to something. I am happy to say that I am working on this every day in hopes that they will not be afraid of my moods. I know they love me, they tell me all of the time.

I am wondering if these feelings are coming from me, and not them. Is this how I see myself? This is highly probable. ...

Ask them to decribe you and report back.
I am certain their answers will facinate you.

[Borla]

There was a website I found that did what was called "Johari Windows". Basically there is a list of dozens of qualities, and you send the link to friends and they pick the four or five they most associate with you.

It lists for you the ones that most people picked in common.

My top five (after everyone responded) were:
Trustworthy
Witty
Giving
Confident
Friendly

[Meditrina]

Originally Posted by Giant Hamburger

Ask them to decribe you and report back.
I am certain their answers will facinate you.

So what does it mean if my husband won't answer? He says he does not know, he hates answering those type of questions, he is not good at it, blah blah blah. I told him it won't hurt my feelings, just tell me the first word you think of. and still nothing.


edited to add: I put the conversation in my journal, I didn't want to thread jack here.

[Sweetpea]

Originally Posted by Gilda

So I asked my students in the children's lit class to think of how the world sees them, and whether they see themselves in the same way.

Here is the first thing the people in my life think of when they thing of me, in one word:

The students in my children's lit class: passionate/geeky/stylish

Sissy: sad

Dr. KGB: liminal

Grace: gentle

Gilda darling you need to add my word for you to your list.

Kind

_______________________________________


In recent weeks, one word seems to be coming up when people close to me say what they think of me and that is

"sweet" And i've also heard "caring"


I suppose that is good. better than bitchy and cold.

sweetpea

[Nazggul]

If I run through each of my closest friends I can think of a number of different perspectives that each might have. Likewise when I think of people that I am not so close to, or fond of for that matter, they too would produce a wide range of responses.

Partner (M): Honest
Best Friend (M): Judgemental
Girlfriend: Giving
Good friend (F): Successful
Good friend (F): Sweetheart

I think its interesting that my best friend would call me judgemental, but it is a true part of my personality. Often one of the things I fear most is being judged, but yet I judge others myself often without enough information to make an informed judgement, if that's even possible. It's something I work on every day, its a source of great anxiety and self doubt for me.

[clavus]

As the TV news camera rolled, and the newspaper reporter scribbled, the woman at the microphone brought up my name. She said that I should be recognized. Why? Because I spoke the truth. No matter how unpopular the truth is, no matter how many times I my advice has been ignored, for the last fifteen years she could count on me to tell her the truth. Heads nodded in agreement - a Major General, a retired judge, a staff member for a certain US Senator.

More importantly 5 year old says, “Daddy always tells it like it is.”

So I guess I can be described as “truthful”

… or possibly “tactless.”

[Meditrina]

I asked my 9 yr old daughter today. She said I was kind and caring.

[Toaster126]

I asked my two best friends. They didn't follow the rules exactly; one gave me two words, the other five. However, they both picked the word "loyal". So that's good I guess.

[TotalMILF]

"Caring," according to Xepherys.