Florida Man Kills Roommate over Toilet Paper - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

lindalove · 02-24-2006, 06:35 AM

Quote:

Florida Man Kills Roomate over Toilet Paper

MOSS BLUFF, Fla. - A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.

Franklin Paul Crow, 56, was charged Monday with homicide in the death of Kenneth Matthews, 58, according to the Marion County Sheriff's Office.

Capt. Thomas Bibb said Crow initially denied his involvement, but confessed during questioning.

Crow told investigators that the men were fighting about the toilet paper over the weekend when Matthews pulled out a rifle. Crow said he then began beating Matthews with the sledgehammer and claw hammer, according to an affidavit.

Matthews was beaten so badly he had to be identified through his fingerprints, detectives said.

Crow was being held at the Marion County jail without bond. It was not immediately known whether he had an attorney.

Never again will I get slightly annoyed at my boyfriend when he makes me get up off the couch to bring him a new roll.

Carno · 02-24-2006, 06:43 AM

Two guys extremely frustrated at being old and still living with another dude.

Ustwo · 02-24-2006, 06:49 AM

For most poeple a sledge hammer would be good enough, but Mr. Crow goes that extra mile.

maleficent · 02-24-2006, 06:53 AM

having toilet paper in the house is important.. he should have known this...

I can see the ad campaign now for Charman toilet tissue... This tragedy could have been prevented if only he got the double rolls..

Jimellow · 02-24-2006, 07:00 AM

In most cases I would pick the rifle over sledgehammer. However, adding toilet paper to the equation throws the entire situation into a loop.

Astrocloud · 02-24-2006, 07:19 AM

So while he was beating him to death -was he doing it with a dirty bum or did he just not go?

Bill O'Rights · 02-24-2006, 07:54 AM

Over...toilet paper?!?

Somehow, I get the feeling that there was a lot more behind this, and the TP was just the catalyst.

CSflim · 02-24-2006, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

I can see the ad campaign now for Charman toilet tissue... This tragedy could have been prevented if only he got the double rolls..

Hahahaha! That's excellent.

"Take advantage of our three-for-two offer, or else you might get beaten to death with a sledge hammer".

Has a nice ring to it...

ratbastid · 02-24-2006, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

I can see the ad campaign now for Charman toilet tissue... This tragedy could have been prevented if only he got the double rolls..

Naw, the tragedy would only have been delayed.

yellowchef · 02-24-2006, 10:50 AM

no they should have bought the mega rolls, the kind where you need the special roll holder thingie...

its like 4 rolls in one.

cyrnel · 02-24-2006, 11:21 AM

Greeaeaat. Toilet paper rage. News at 11.

I can't help but wonder if he killed the guy while still sitting. Must be a 400-level special forces class. "Disarm and disable armed opponents using only blunt instruments while dropping off the twins at the pool."

Sweetpea · 02-24-2006, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Over...toilet paper?!?

Somehow, I get the feeling that there was a lot more behind this, and the TP was just the catalyst.

or the guy was just a time bomb waiting to go off..
it Could have happened over who drank the last of the milk too

all joking aside, that is a sad thing to have happened, i feel for the other man's family and loved ones.

sweeptea

noodle · 02-24-2006, 12:51 PM

Welcome to Florida, y'all.

cyrnel · 02-24-2006, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Somehow, I get the feeling that there was a lot more behind this, and the TP was just the catalyst.

How many puns can we coax out of that sentence?

ObieX · 02-24-2006, 01:09 PM

any excuse to beat someone with a claw hammer, i always say.

maleficent · 02-24-2006, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Over...toilet paper?!?

Somehow, I get the feeling that there was a lot more behind this, and the TP was just the catalyst.

Maybe if he got the super soft toilet paper multi -ply- rather than the single ply stuff - he would have gotten a much better feeling

Leto · 02-24-2006, 01:49 PM

always... ALWAYS keep the extra rolls in the cabinet under the bathroom sink....

JumpinJesus · 02-24-2006, 05:22 PM

Doesn't anyone else long for the good old days when people were murdered over much more pressing issues like being laid off from the post office or changing lanes without using a signal?

Psycho Dad · 02-24-2006, 07:35 PM

This isn't the first time the shit has hit the fan due to asswipes. I can recall at least two other instances somewhat. One when I was a kid and the other if I recall a few years ago. I need to go google that up I guess.

Marvelous Marv · 02-25-2006, 08:39 AM

Reminds me of Captain Kirk, circling Uranus in search of Klingons.

My son's bathroom technique:

Put the last roll of toilet paper on the roller. Under no circumstances restock the BR at this point.
Use the roll up. Occasionally, leave one square on the roll.
Get screamed at by the next user.
Go to the other bathroom and take ONE roll from under the sink. Don't worry if it's the last one in THAT bathroom.
Get screamed at again, and followed to ensure that he goes to the main cache and puts SEVERAL rolls in the empty BR.
Repeat periodically.

I saw this article in the paper and left it on his desk.

jeenyus_ones · 02-25-2006, 03:01 PM

moral of this story: don't fuck with a man's toilet paper.

Blackthorn · 02-26-2006, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

having toilet paper in the house is important.. he should have known this...

I can see the ad campaign now for Charman toilet tissue... This tragedy could have been prevented if only he got the double rolls..

Brother can you spare a square???

Blackthorn · 02-26-2006, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JumpinJesus

Doesn't anyone else long for the good old days when people were murdered over much more pressing issues like being laid off from the post office or changing lanes without using a signal?

I remember seeing bumper stickers in California that said "Honk if you're RELOADING!"

shalafi · 02-28-2006, 12:54 PM

Old Kenny shoulda known better than bringing a gun to a hammer fight?

Something about that strory just doesn't make sense to me. I mean if you pull a gun on someone how do you let him beat you to death with a big friggin hammer? Unless the gun is unloaded but then why pull it in the first place?

BigBen · 02-28-2006, 01:44 PM

True Story:

Going on a week-long exercise in the cold, frigid winter is never fun. One must be assured that the proper supplies are brought, for there is no store to go to when you run out.

I was tasked with ensuring the proper working order of a 5-man toboggan tent group. This includes fuel, stove/lantern, tent, tools, and TOILET PAPER.

I said to Jones (not his/her real name) "Did you pack the shit paper?"

Jones: "Oh, sure thing, boss..."
Ben: "I can feel a big one brewing, and I will say it again: You sure we have enough Ass-wipe?"
Jones: "Yep, packed it myself. We got plenty..."
Ben: "Good work, Jones."

Fade to white, pan over to see five people pulling a toboggan;

Ben: "Lets stop here for lunch. I gotta take a shit. Jones, bring me the toilet paper."
Jones:...
Ben: "Hurry up, man, I don't have all day!"
Jones:....
Ben: "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TOILET PAPER, JONES?!!"
Jones: "It was here a second ago..."
Ben: "You get down on your face right now. If I have to wipe my ass with a fucking pine cone, you are going to serenade me with the beautiful music of counting-off pushups!!"
Jones: "One, Two, Three, Four, Five..."

Fade to white, show Ben tearing the sleeve of his undershirt off while cursing.

Fin

Oh, and other my buddy carried TP with him on patrol. If you had to go, all you had to do was ask nicely and he would help you out. He kept a small bottle of baby powder in the middle of the tube (for packing and convenience sake) and the baby powder accidentally exploded. He had it all wrapped up in a plastic ziplock bag (to keep things dry) and the TP was now coated with baby powder.

It was pure heaven, and he ended up selling it to us, because demand was outstripping supply. He ended up putting a bottle's worth of baby powder in every roll he took out from then on. There is nothing better for morale, except cold beer on a hot day. I assure you, I am speaking from experience.

02-24-2006, 06:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	Two guys extremely frustrated at being old and still living with another dude. __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

02-24-2006, 06:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	For most poeple a sledge hammer would be good enough, but Mr. Crow goes that extra mile. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

02-24-2006, 06:53 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	having toilet paper in the house is important.. he should have known this... I can see the ad campaign now for Charman toilet tissue... This tragedy could have been prevented if only he got the double rolls.. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

02-24-2006, 07:00 AM	#5 (permalink)
Jimellow Junkie	In most cases I would pick the rifle over sledgehammer. However, adding toilet paper to the equation throws the entire situation into a loop. __________________ Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

02-24-2006, 07:54 AM	#7 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	Over...toilet paper?!? Somehow, I get the feeling that there was a lot more behind this, and the TP was just the catalyst. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

02-24-2006, 07:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
Astrocloud Apocalypse Nerd	So while he was beating him to death -was he doing it with a dirty bum or did he just not go?

02-24-2006, 10:50 AM	#10 (permalink)
yellowchef Addict Location: Shalimar, FL	no they should have bought the mega rolls, the kind where you need the special roll holder thingie... its like 4 rolls in one. __________________ the voices in your head are not real--but they still have some really great ideas. always remeber you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. But..you CAN choose the insane asylum where you have them all put away!

02-24-2006, 11:21 AM	#11 (permalink)
cyrnel Adequate Location: In my angry-dome.	Greeaeaat. Toilet paper rage. News at 11. I can't help but wonder if he killed the guy while still sitting. Must be a 400-level special forces class. "Disarm and disable armed opponents using only blunt instruments while dropping off the twins at the pool." __________________ There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

02-24-2006, 01:09 PM	#15 (permalink)
ObieX Pickles Location: Shirt and Pants (NJ)	any excuse to beat someone with a claw hammer, i always say. __________________ We Must Dissent.

02-24-2006, 01:49 PM	#17 (permalink)
Leto Junkie Location: The Danforth	always... ALWAYS keep the extra rolls in the cabinet under the bathroom sink.... __________________ You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey And I never saw someone say that before You held my hand and we walked home the long way You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

02-24-2006, 05:22 PM	#18 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	Doesn't anyone else long for the good old days when people were murdered over much more pressing issues like being laid off from the post office or changing lanes without using a signal? __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

02-24-2006, 07:35 PM	#19 (permalink)
Psycho Dad Mulletproof Location: Some nucking fut house.	This isn't the first time the shit has hit the fan due to asswipes. I can recall at least two other instances somewhat. One when I was a kid and the other if I recall a few years ago. I need to go google that up I guess. __________________ Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

02-25-2006, 08:39 AM	#20 (permalink)
Marvelous Marv Cunning Runt Location: Taking a mulligan	Reminds me of Captain Kirk, circling Uranus in search of Klingons. My son's bathroom technique: Put the last roll of toilet paper on the roller. Under no circumstances restock the BR at this point. Use the roll up. Occasionally, leave one square on the roll. Get screamed at by the next user. Go to the other bathroom and take ONE roll from under the sink. Don't worry if it's the last one in THAT bathroom. Get screamed at again, and followed to ensure that he goes to the main cache and puts SEVERAL rolls in the empty BR. Repeat periodically. I saw this article in the paper and left it on his desk. __________________ "The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money." Margaret Thatcher

02-25-2006, 03:01 PM	#21 (permalink)
jeenyus_ones Upright	moral of this story: don't fuck with a man's toilet paper.

02-28-2006, 12:54 PM	#24 (permalink)
shalafi ARRRRRRRRRR Location: Stuart, Florida	Old Kenny shoulda known better than bringing a gun to a hammer fight? Something about that strory just doesn't make sense to me. I mean if you pull a gun on someone how do you let him beat you to death with a big friggin hammer? Unless the gun is unloaded but then why pull it in the first place?

02-28-2006, 01:44 PM	#25 (permalink)
BigBen Comedian Location: Use the search button	True Story: Going on a week-long exercise in the cold, frigid winter is never fun. One must be assured that the proper supplies are brought, for there is no store to go to when you run out. I was tasked with ensuring the proper working order of a 5-man toboggan tent group. This includes fuel, stove/lantern, tent, tools, and TOILET PAPER. I said to Jones (not his/her real name) "Did you pack the shit paper?" Jones: "Oh, sure thing, boss..." Ben: "I can feel a big one brewing, and I will say it again: You sure we have enough Ass-wipe?" Jones: "Yep, packed it myself. We got plenty..." Ben: "Good work, Jones." Fade to white, pan over to see five people pulling a toboggan; Ben: "Lets stop here for lunch. I gotta take a shit. Jones, bring me the toilet paper." Jones:... Ben: "Hurry up, man, I don't have all day!" Jones:.... Ben: "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TOILET PAPER, JONES?!!" Jones: "It was here a second ago..." Ben: "You get down on your face right now. If I have to wipe my ass with a fucking pine cone, you are going to serenade me with the beautiful music of counting-off pushups!!" Jones: "One, Two, Three, Four, Five..." Fade to white, show Ben tearing the sleeve of his undershirt off while cursing. Fin Oh, and other my buddy carried TP with him on patrol. If you had to go, all you had to do was ask nicely and he would help you out. He kept a small bottle of baby powder in the middle of the tube (for packing and convenience sake) and the baby powder accidentally exploded. He had it all wrapped up in a plastic ziplock bag (to keep things dry) and the TP was now coated with baby powder. It was pure heaven, and he ended up selling it to us, because demand was outstripping supply. He ended up putting a bottle's worth of baby powder in every roll he took out from then on. There is nothing better for morale, except cold beer on a hot day. I assure you, I am speaking from experience. __________________ 3.141592654 Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.