Florida Man Kills Roommate over Toilet Paper
 

Never again will I get slightly annoyed at my boyfriend when he makes me get up off the couch to bring him a new roll.

Two guys extremely frustrated at being old and still living with another dude.

For most poeple a sledge hammer would be good enough, but Mr. Crow goes that extra mile.

having toilet paper in the house is important.. he should have known this...

I can see the ad campaign now for Charman toilet tissue... This tragedy could have been prevented if only he got the double rolls..

In most cases I would pick the rifle over sledgehammer. However, adding toilet paper to the equation throws the entire situation into a loop.

So while he was beating him to death -was he doing it with a dirty bum or did he just not go?

Over...toilet paper?!?

Somehow, I get the feeling that there was a lot more behind this, and the TP was just the catalyst.

Hahahaha! That's excellent. :lol:

"Take advantage of our three-for-two offer, or else you might get beaten to death with a sledge hammer".

Has a nice ring to it...

Naw, the tragedy would only have been delayed. :crazy:

no they should have bought the mega rolls, the kind where you need the special roll holder thingie...

its like 4 rolls in one.

Greeaeaat. Toilet paper rage. News at 11.

I can't help but wonder if he killed the guy while still sitting. Must be a 400-level special forces class. "Disarm and disable armed opponents using only blunt instruments while dropping off the twins at the pool."

or the guy was just a time bomb waiting to go off..
it Could have happened over who drank the last of the milk too ;)

all joking aside, that is a sad thing to have happened, i feel for the other man's family and loved ones.

sweeptea

Welcome to Florida, y'all. ;)

How many puns can we coax out of that sentence? :D

any excuse to beat someone with a claw hammer, i always say.

Maybe if he got the super soft toilet paper multi -ply- rather than the single ply stuff - he would have gotten a much better feeling :)

always... ALWAYS keep the extra rolls in the cabinet under the bathroom sink....

Doesn't anyone else long for the good old days when people were murdered over much more pressing issues like being laid off from the post office or changing lanes without using a signal?

This isn't the first time the shit has hit the fan due to asswipes. I can recall at least two other instances somewhat. One when I was a kid and the other if I recall a few years ago. I need to go google that up I guess.

Reminds me of Captain Kirk, circling Uranus in search of Klingons.

My son's bathroom technique:

Put the last roll of toilet paper on the roller. Under no circumstances restock the BR at this point.
Use the roll up. Occasionally, leave one square on the roll.
Get screamed at by the next user.
Go to the other bathroom and take ONE roll from under the sink. Don't worry if it's the last one in THAT bathroom.
Get screamed at again, and followed to ensure that he goes to the main cache and puts SEVERAL rolls in the empty BR.
Repeat periodically.

I saw this article in the paper and left it on his desk.

moral of this story: don't fuck with a man's toilet paper.

Brother can you spare a square???

I remember seeing bumper stickers in California that said "Honk if you're RELOADING!" :D

Old Kenny shoulda known better than bringing a gun to a hammer fight?

Something about that strory just doesn't make sense to me. I mean if you pull a gun on someone how do you let him beat you to death with a big friggin hammer? Unless the gun is unloaded but then why pull it in the first place?

True Story:

Going on a week-long exercise in the cold, frigid winter is never fun. One must be assured that the proper supplies are brought, for there is no store to go to when you run out.

I was tasked with ensuring the proper working order of a 5-man toboggan tent group. This includes fuel, stove/lantern, tent, tools, and TOILET PAPER.

I said to Jones (not his/her real name) "Did you pack the shit paper?"

Jones: "Oh, sure thing, boss..."
Ben: "I can feel a big one brewing, and I will say it again: You sure we have enough Ass-wipe?"
Jones: "Yep, packed it myself. We got plenty..."
Ben: "Good work, Jones."

Fade to white, pan over to see five people pulling a toboggan;

Ben: "Lets stop here for lunch. I gotta take a shit. Jones, bring me the toilet paper."
Jones:...
Ben: "Hurry up, man, I don't have all day!"
Jones:....
Ben: "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TOILET PAPER, JONES?!!"
Jones: "It was here a second ago..."
Ben: "You get down on your face right now. If I have to wipe my ass with a fucking pine cone, you are going to serenade me with the beautiful music of counting-off pushups!!"
Jones: "One, Two, Three, Four, Five..."

Fade to white, show Ben tearing the sleeve of his undershirt off while cursing.

Fin



Oh, and other my buddy carried TP with him on patrol. If you had to go, all you had to do was ask nicely and he would help you out. He kept a small bottle of baby powder in the middle of the tube (for packing and convenience sake) and the baby powder accidentally exploded. He had it all wrapped up in a plastic ziplock bag (to keep things dry) and the TP was now coated with baby powder.

It was pure heaven, and he ended up selling it to us, because demand was outstripping supply. He ended up putting a bottle's worth of baby powder in every roll he took out from then on. There is nothing better for morale, except cold beer on a hot day. I assure you, I am speaking from experience.