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bscox00 · 02-24-2004, 05:44 PM

I hope this doesn't get me in trouble, but I am posting this again in a different category. I am hoping to get some honest and kind help. If this is a problem, please remove this post or message me and I'll remove it.

Well, to catch you all up, I've not been married for very long, but already it has been very rocky. We've had periods of being separated, up to 2 months at a time. And we can't seem to go very long (no more than 1-2 days) without finding something to argue about.

My wife has a child who has never had a father in her life (i.e. my wife was a single mom for 7 years). I married my wife with the full intent to adopt (which I haven't done yet) and take her daughter as my own. Genetics be damned; who steps up to the plate is someone's parent.

Now, we got married with my wife saying that since she'd had such a hard time, the idea of children was a little scary. She wanted some security (i.e. marriage to me) before she'd have kids. For a time it was a non-issue.

Now recently, in the midst of our "normal" problems, she has kind of let it be known that she isn't sure she wants to have any more kids at all.

Children are very important to me. I got married with the hope that I'd have my own family. I guess the atheist in me wants to live forever and the sentimentalist remembers fondly his own childhood. I really want children.

Would your spouse deciding that they don't really know if they want kids anymore be a "deal-breaker?" We have spoken about getting divorced, each having seen a lawyer.

we have been working on things...but...this really seems to drive a further wedge. Should I be willing to try to work on a marriage that is already loaded with problems with a spouse who doesn't have the same desires for family and future as I do?

I'm scared. And sad. I love my wife. But we can't seem to let go of our past problems and look to the future. And now, with children being something that I've always wanted in my future, my wife isn't sure she wants that at all.

Are children a deal-breaker? Should I...sigh...get out?

02-24-2004, 05:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
bscox00 Banned	Children and Marriage I hope this doesn't get me in trouble, but I am posting this again in a different category. I am hoping to get some honest and kind help. If this is a problem, please remove this post or message me and I'll remove it. Well, to catch you all up, I've not been married for very long, but already it has been very rocky. We've had periods of being separated, up to 2 months at a time. And we can't seem to go very long (no more than 1-2 days) without finding something to argue about. My wife has a child who has never had a father in her life (i.e. my wife was a single mom for 7 years). I married my wife with the full intent to adopt (which I haven't done yet) and take her daughter as my own. Genetics be damned; who steps up to the plate is someone's parent. Now, we got married with my wife saying that since she'd had such a hard time, the idea of children was a little scary. She wanted some security (i.e. marriage to me) before she'd have kids. For a time it was a non-issue. Now recently, in the midst of our "normal" problems, she has kind of let it be known that she isn't sure she wants to have any more kids at all. Children are very important to me. I got married with the hope that I'd have my own family. I guess the atheist in me wants to live forever and the sentimentalist remembers fondly his own childhood. I really want children. Would your spouse deciding that they don't really know if they want kids anymore be a "deal-breaker?" We have spoken about getting divorced, each having seen a lawyer. we have been working on things...but...this really seems to drive a further wedge. Should I be willing to try to work on a marriage that is already loaded with problems with a spouse who doesn't have the same desires for family and future as I do? I'm scared. And sad. I love my wife. But we can't seem to let go of our past problems and look to the future. And now, with children being something that I've always wanted in my future, my wife isn't sure she wants that at all. Are children a deal-breaker? Should I...sigh...get out?