The meter that I was refering to was the general rythym that your piece, esp the beginning, has. If you read it aloud it has a very lyrical rythym. Meter is a rythym of a piece, such as the prevalence if iambic pentameter in Shakespeare's works. It's not a bad thing, but very poetic. Your writing has very poetic imagary and I thought that this may have been intentional.
The spacing and italics stuff I was refering to was the breakup of the timing of a piece of writing. It's much like when you group together ideas that form a paragraph. It's also used as a timing and impact device. Your character is obviously revealing himself slowly, as if he is first being revealed to himself i.e. regaining memory. The timing of this would be broken up by spacing. Usually these instances of inner dialogue are done with italics. The simple declarative prose is in normal type. The suprising entrance of the master would be separated by the change perhaps as a double space or a return from all italics to normal type. That would be the end of personal reflection and a step to a new level of interaction with another being.
An editor will help you with stuff like this, but it's important to consider the flow of a page when writing, something that usually occurs in successive drafts. It's important at first to bleed out the story and then in the rewrites to polish it and give it your voice and flow.
As a beginning writer, I can tell you that my first draft of anything tends to read like a dry museum piece, damn near completely devoid of warmth and light. I usually end up changing at least seventy percent of it to give it some resemblence of humanity. Sometimes it's minor sentance structure, others it's deleting my tendency to be verbose.
Write on dude! We'll both get something hammered out eventually!
