|
I'm actually working on being honest friends with an ex for the first time right now.
I say honest friends, since I've been "friends" with most of my ex's, that is we still spoke after quite sometime and had no real resentment after everything cooled off.
With this girl, though, we were best friends for quite sometime before we went out, so I thought it only made sense to continue that friendship.
The thing that made me get over my feelings for her, was that she went out a fucked a guy (which is not her style at all) very, very soon after we broke up. Too soon...almost as if he was "waiting in the wings." Since I had reason to believe that she'd been considering this guy for quite sometime, I quickly lost all romantic feelings for her. But, since she was respectful enough to cut it off with me before really starting anything with him, I have no hard feelings against her. We actually went to lunch today.
The other thing that's helped me see her as a friend and not pine for her, was getting shape. I lost a good 15-20 pounds since we broke up, and started dressing very well (not to impress her, just because I realized I'd never get any "action" looking like I did). This kind of put it in the situation of her seeing me as the prize, rather than me being the pathetic loser that couldn't hack it as just friends.
It may sound shallow, but it's worked great! We're on pretty equal terms, since she's got something (a boyfriend) and I've got something (looking better) and we were close before, and dated for 3 years, so it's all worked out.
For the record, we've been apart almost three months, and it's just now starting to not be "weird" to think of her not with me anymore (I really planned on marrying this girl in the next year or so). So, yes, time apart is important in carrying on a friendship.
With other ex's, it's taken up to 2 years before I felt comfortable being friendly with them, usually because they'd said/done something very hurtful towards me or had a jealous new boyfriend.
__________________
it's all about self-indulgence
|