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castex · 02-20-2004, 09:13 AM

want some racism with your cool new technology?

To continue the Asimovian theme, here's a satire on some of the more unsavoury opinions expounded in the UK's gutter press (The Sun, News of the World, Daily Mail, etc.); as featured in today's right-on Guarniad.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,38...103390,00.html

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Comment
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Can robots get asylum?
John O'Farrell
Friday February 20, 2004
The Guardian

This week the world's most advanced human-shaped robot has been performing to amazed audiences at the Science Museum. The gig was booked after weeks of haggling with his agent. "I'm sorry, but my boy is not sharing a dressing room with the Dalek. He gets star room number one, with a whole crate of WD40 and top billing above the animatronic Gollum."

The new Japanese robot is called Asimo, short for "Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility" (and it was also his grandfather's middle name). He really does possess an incredibly advanced range of human skills. He can walk up and down. He can shake hands. He can wave. Apparently the royal family are worried he might make them completely redundant. Asimo will even stride towards you and offer an outstretched hand as a greeting, except for the teenage version, which barely looks round and just grunts from the sofa.

All week crowds at the Science Museum have gasped as the robot has followed orders to walk up steps, walk down steps, turn around and come back. While the security guard stood there thinking: "Well I can do that! Walking up steps, that's easy. But does anybody ever ask me? Oh no, I just stand here being ignored while they applaud that stupid robot doing things I could do when I was two." There are fears that Asimo's new-found celebrity status may be getting out of hand. He's already been photographed for the Party People section of the colour supplements, chatting with weathergirl Suzanne Charlton and the drummer from the Darkness and saying: "Of course, I love performing; but what I really want to do is direct."

Asimo is small, only 1.2m, and looks like an extra from a science fiction film. He is connected to the internet, so he can provide all sorts of useful information for his owner, like how to get your android a penis enlargement. He can recognise different voices and walk in different directions, and in a decade they're hoping he might even fetch sticks. A lot is being made of his highly developed ability to walk down stairs, with no credit, apparently, being given to his British forerunner: the Slinky.

The Japanese may well make the cleverest little robots, but we can still pride ourselves on making the hardest. In a straightforward fight, Asimo wouldn't stand a chance against one of those destructive monsters from Robot Wars. We can feel a surge of patriotic pride as we imagine Asimo being sliced in two by Mr Psycho's rotating blade, while a strange man in an anorak impassively wiggles his remote control behind the screen.

The long-term plan must be that these sorts of automatons will eventually do all sorts of jobs currently undertaken by humans. But the question that everyone's asking is: what is there to stop all these foreign robots coming over here and signing on the dole? Once you let them in, they'll take advantage of our generous benefits system and bring in all their robot relations and we'll just be swamped. Because, while the science pages of our newspapers have been getting excited about the potential of robots to do all the boring menial work that no one wants to do, the tabloid editorials have been fretting that lots of eastern Europeans are about to pour into the country to do all the boring menial work that no one wants to do.

I mean, who's going to pay a Slovakian girl £3 an hour to iron all the duvet covers when you can buy a robot to do it for under £10m? So obviously we have to spend billions developing computerised labour-saving devices, since the alternative is letting foreigners into the country.

I'm sure there is a good reason for developing computerised androids, if only to inspire hundreds of would-be screen-writers into depicting a nightmarish future in which the robots rebel and turn on their masters. Our economy badly needs labour, but give me a friendly Polish painter and decorator over a Japanese robot any day. This robot has been developed by Honda and if he's anything like the Honda I used to have, when the weather's cold you'll have to push him along and jump on him to get him started.

But at least this week potential immigrants have seen a way they might be welcomed into our society. All they need to do is stick on a robot costume and they will be completely accepted. And then, just to be sure, they should scan the Daily Mail editorials and in a monotone electronic voice comment: "I agree there is already far too much immigration." And all the English people will say: "Goodness, these robots are just as intelligent as we are." Which frankly isn't saying a great deal.

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A highly conversational style seems to be positively encouraged by this newspaper. The results are often more entertaining than here, but I thought the subject matter relevant and interesting.

02-20-2004, 09:13 AM	#39 (permalink)
castex Psycho Location: france	want some racism with your cool new technology? To continue the Asimovian theme, here's a satire on some of the more unsavoury opinions expounded in the UK's gutter press (The Sun, News of the World, Daily Mail, etc.); as featured in today's right-on Guarniad. http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,38...103390,00.html ____________________________________________________ Comment -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Can robots get asylum? John O'Farrell Friday February 20, 2004 The Guardian This week the world's most advanced human-shaped robot has been performing to amazed audiences at the Science Museum. The gig was booked after weeks of haggling with his agent. "I'm sorry, but my boy is not sharing a dressing room with the Dalek. He gets star room number one, with a whole crate of WD40 and top billing above the animatronic Gollum." The new Japanese robot is called Asimo, short for "Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility" (and it was also his grandfather's middle name). He really does possess an incredibly advanced range of human skills. He can walk up and down. He can shake hands. He can wave. Apparently the royal family are worried he might make them completely redundant. Asimo will even stride towards you and offer an outstretched hand as a greeting, except for the teenage version, which barely looks round and just grunts from the sofa. All week crowds at the Science Museum have gasped as the robot has followed orders to walk up steps, walk down steps, turn around and come back. While the security guard stood there thinking: "Well I can do that! Walking up steps, that's easy. But does anybody ever ask me? Oh no, I just stand here being ignored while they applaud that stupid robot doing things I could do when I was two." There are fears that Asimo's new-found celebrity status may be getting out of hand. He's already been photographed for the Party People section of the colour supplements, chatting with weathergirl Suzanne Charlton and the drummer from the Darkness and saying: "Of course, I love performing; but what I really want to do is direct." Asimo is small, only 1.2m, and looks like an extra from a science fiction film. He is connected to the internet, so he can provide all sorts of useful information for his owner, like how to get your android a penis enlargement. He can recognise different voices and walk in different directions, and in a decade they're hoping he might even fetch sticks. A lot is being made of his highly developed ability to walk down stairs, with no credit, apparently, being given to his British forerunner: the Slinky. The Japanese may well make the cleverest little robots, but we can still pride ourselves on making the hardest. In a straightforward fight, Asimo wouldn't stand a chance against one of those destructive monsters from Robot Wars. We can feel a surge of patriotic pride as we imagine Asimo being sliced in two by Mr Psycho's rotating blade, while a strange man in an anorak impassively wiggles his remote control behind the screen. The long-term plan must be that these sorts of automatons will eventually do all sorts of jobs currently undertaken by humans. But the question that everyone's asking is: what is there to stop all these foreign robots coming over here and signing on the dole? Once you let them in, they'll take advantage of our generous benefits system and bring in all their robot relations and we'll just be swamped. Because, while the science pages of our newspapers have been getting excited about the potential of robots to do all the boring menial work that no one wants to do, the tabloid editorials have been fretting that lots of eastern Europeans are about to pour into the country to do all the boring menial work that no one wants to do. I mean, who's going to pay a Slovakian girl £3 an hour to iron all the duvet covers when you can buy a robot to do it for under £10m? So obviously we have to spend billions developing computerised labour-saving devices, since the alternative is letting foreigners into the country. I'm sure there is a good reason for developing computerised androids, if only to inspire hundreds of would-be screen-writers into depicting a nightmarish future in which the robots rebel and turn on their masters. Our economy badly needs labour, but give me a friendly Polish painter and decorator over a Japanese robot any day. This robot has been developed by Honda and if he's anything like the Honda I used to have, when the weather's cold you'll have to push him along and jump on him to get him started. But at least this week potential immigrants have seen a way they might be welcomed into our society. All they need to do is stick on a robot costume and they will be completely accepted. And then, just to be sure, they should scan the Daily Mail editorials and in a monotone electronic voice comment: "I agree there is already far too much immigration." And all the English people will say: "Goodness, these robots are just as intelligent as we are." Which frankly isn't saying a great deal. ____________________________________________________ A highly conversational style seems to be positively encouraged by this newspaper. The results are often more entertaining than here, but I thought the subject matter relevant and interesting.