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I truly feel your pain, more than you know.
I had to put a dog to sleep several years ago and swore that was the last time. I bought a macaw, in part because they live so long.
A few years back we visited friends that had a toy poodle. We fell in love and had one of our own two months later. I won't say not a day but for sure not a week goes by that I don't ponder the day she'll become too ill to care for.
But I know that when do this you are doing the right thing for the animal. They don't know any better and only know they hurt. I think the most important thing is to be there with them, as much as that hurts. They are then in a better place and you are left to deal with the emotions and loss. Understanding those dynamics might help you.
By the way, we just got a second toy poodle puppy in December. I'm just setting myself up but they sure are fun!!
Best of luck to you.
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If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.
Stangers have the best candy.
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