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As you know I have some serious views on the subject of the humorous commentary below. I do see the humor in it as well. Art Buchwald writes funny stuff and this thread is where I put stuff that strikes me for whatever reason as "curiously entertaining."
(I usually hate it when people like waiters and others say, "Enjoy!" But I do hope you enjoy the story for what it is...)
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washingtonpost.com
A Case of Naked Aggression
By Art Buchwald
Thursday, February 12, 2004; Page C02
There seems to be no end to the Janet Jackson "scandal" that occurred during the Super Bowl halftime show. The investigation goes on and on.
A spokesman for CBS, who refused to take my calls, said, "Our intelligence was not at fault. We didn't know that Ms. Jackson would bare her breast during her number until it showed up on the satellite photos, which our analysts studied after the game."
"What did it look like from 400 miles up?" I asked.
"It initially looked like a trailer truck that could be holding weapons of mass destruction. It was only when we magnified it that we decided it could be the upper part of Janet Jackson's body."
"Did anyone influence you in your report?"
"No, we reported the facts as we saw them. Our agents on the field said something was going on, but they weren't sure what it was. It was only after Janet started to dance that we went to orange alert. But it was too late. The cat was out of the bag."
"Do you think Justin Timberlake, who actually pulled Janet's costume off, was part of the conspiracy?"
"We're looking into that. He claimed it was a 'wardrobe malfunction,' which could be the first one in Super Bowl history. We have sent the costume to the FBI lab for testing."
"What was MTV's role in all this?"
"They're playing the blame game. They say they were so busy putting on the show they didn't know anything was amiss."
"But," I said. "MTV says CBS was so interested in the commercials they paid no attention to what else was going on. What did FCC Chairman Michael Powell say?"
"He said he was disgusted, outraged, shaken, traumatized, shocked, stunned, scandalized, and the incident turned his stomach."
"Wow," I said.
"He wants a full investigation with all the evidence presented to the FCC board."
"Does this mean you are going to call viewers who witnessed the event?"
"Yes," he said. "We don't ever want to see a woman's breast on television again, except on cable."
"At least CBS is playing damage control," I said.
He said, "We believe the incident will be forgotten by the 2012 Super Bowl."
"Where does the NFL stand in all this?"
"The Panthers and the Patriots were in the locker room during halftime and had no idea what was happening on the field. Had they known, they might not have played as well as they did."
I asked, "What is the most terrible thing about the Janet Jackson flash of flesh?"
"Our young fighting men in Iraq saw it. After they did, morale plummeted. As one sergeant said, 'This is not what we are fighting for.' "'
After the CBS spokesman hung up, I thought, "What will American culture be like after the Super Bowl? What will our allies think of us?"
And the last thing that came to mind was, "Where were you, Mary Poppins, when we needed you?"
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