redrum

Yesterday I got a phone call from my dad



well lets start this different...



Everyone remember thier first love? I mean thier first true love, not puppy love, not what you thought was love..but true love?


A trip out of town yesterday caused me to be unreachable for the majority of the day, I had my cell phone off while I was in memphis since I was there on business. anyhow I come out and check my voicemail, my dad is tripping with message after message telling me to call him asap. So I did, and he asks me to come over to his house when I get in from memphis. This leaves me with 3 hours while I drive home to freak about wtf is up.

I get there and he sits me down and tells me the girl I end a 4 year relationship with 2 years ago, died in a house fire.

Now, I cant eat, sleep, think, ..I cant fucking function. Her dad and I are close, her mother was murdered while her and I were a couple, when we went our seperate ways, she got married to a jerk who beat her. This ass knows I would kill him if given the chance to get away with it. So going to the service is iffy at best.

Im told I should go in respect of her and only her, and my memories.....




I have this HUGE void right now...its something I have never felt before, and want to wake up in the morning and it be gone.


Its driving me insane, now Im starting the

"what if I had done this..or that..and she was with me still...and alive...."