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Life's Rules and Observations
Gardening Rule: When weeding,
the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians
the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
An unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win,
and winners never quit,
then who is the fool who said,
"Quit while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave
is the depth.
Get the last word in:
Apologize.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you twenty pounds
and a substantial tax cut saves you forty pence?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize
that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
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