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Andy · 01-27-2004, 11:07 AM

Hi, here's my story. All of it predates my reading of plan9's thread, but I think it will support his points.

For almost all of my life, I have been AFC suffering from one-itis every time I happen upon the opportunity. Anyway, when I was visiting grad school, a girl (wow!) walked into the room who was hot, for an engineer. I'd give her a 6.5 on plan9's scale in comparison to normal girls though.

I think there were about 4 girls and 25 guys in the room.

Anyway, I made eye contact and smiled, so she sat down next to me. Still being AFC, I said nothing to her. A professor introduced us so we chatted awhile.. I was planning to get her contact info by the end of the day, but she had to catch a bus unexpectedly.

Since I remembered her name, I did look up her webpage online which had her phone, IM, etc., but I decided to forget it and not look creepy. A few months later she dropped me an email: She had looked ME up. We talked online a bit (just small talk and grad school BS), and we ended up deciding to get an apartment together. Note: I thought I was workin' it at this point, but few months later when she liked me more she told me she thought I was a dork when we met, so maybe not.

I'll try to cut this short. As we were living together, she would occasionally ask me favors, and I would say no if it were inconvenient, i.e. getting her a drink of water when we were both sitting down. This was the first time ever that I didn't supplicate for a girl. I also never complimented her looks (It would have been out of context, anyway). I never ever bought her anything, or took her anywhere, also a first for me. And we started hooking up in mid-November.

But then an old problem surfaced. First of all, she was starting to develop feelings for me, I think, and I was beginning to suffer from one-itis. I started doing more favors for her; I started to compliment her; I started to agree with everything she said. She left for winter break in December and when she got back things were different. We've hooked up since, but less often, and I can tell she doesn't like me nearly at the level she did before. All because I started being "thoughtful." Lesson learned.

And with that, any advice?

She left for home for a week again, so I think if there is a time for me to change my personality back, now would be it. What is a good way to stop doing favors? The transition from "mean" to "nice" is easy to accept, but the other way around might not be so good.

I've also thought about stopping everything period because she IS my suitemate and we are still friends at some level, but it's tough cuz sex is fun.

P.S. All the time I've lived with her guys have sent her fruit baskets, clothes, other random gifts, a round-trip ticket to Florida, etc. The guy who bought her the trip has never gotten any from her. He initiates conversation (mostly online) all the time and tries to set up times to "hang out." I know for a fact she is not interested in him, and I'm sure it's because he is precisely what plan9 tells us not to be. Oh, also, when she was considering the trip to FL, I convinced her to go visit and to take the free ticket. I think that was a good move and gave me a few points, instead of acting all "stay here with me" even though that's what I actually wanted.

01-27-2004, 11:07 AM	#339 (permalink)
Andy Upright Location: Cambridge, MA	Hi, here's my story. All of it predates my reading of plan9's thread, but I think it will support his points. For almost all of my life, I have been AFC suffering from one-itis every time I happen upon the opportunity. Anyway, when I was visiting grad school, a girl (wow!) walked into the room who was hot, for an engineer. I'd give her a 6.5 on plan9's scale in comparison to normal girls though. I think there were about 4 girls and 25 guys in the room. Anyway, I made eye contact and smiled, so she sat down next to me. Still being AFC, I said nothing to her. A professor introduced us so we chatted awhile.. I was planning to get her contact info by the end of the day, but she had to catch a bus unexpectedly. Since I remembered her name, I did look up her webpage online which had her phone, IM, etc., but I decided to forget it and not look creepy. A few months later she dropped me an email: She had looked ME up. We talked online a bit (just small talk and grad school BS), and we ended up deciding to get an apartment together. Note: I thought I was workin' it at this point, but few months later when she liked me more she told me she thought I was a dork when we met, so maybe not. I'll try to cut this short. As we were living together, she would occasionally ask me favors, and I would say no if it were inconvenient, i.e. getting her a drink of water when we were both sitting down. This was the first time ever that I didn't supplicate for a girl. I also never complimented her looks (It would have been out of context, anyway). I never ever bought her anything, or took her anywhere, also a first for me. And we started hooking up in mid-November. But then an old problem surfaced. First of all, she was starting to develop feelings for me, I think, and I was beginning to suffer from one-itis. I started doing more favors for her; I started to compliment her; I started to agree with everything she said. She left for winter break in December and when she got back things were different. We've hooked up since, but less often, and I can tell she doesn't like me nearly at the level she did before. All because I started being "thoughtful." Lesson learned. And with that, any advice? She left for home for a week again, so I think if there is a time for me to change my personality back, now would be it. What is a good way to stop doing favors? The transition from "mean" to "nice" is easy to accept, but the other way around might not be so good. I've also thought about stopping everything period because she IS my suitemate and we are still friends at some level, but it's tough cuz sex is fun. P.S. All the time I've lived with her guys have sent her fruit baskets, clothes, other random gifts, a round-trip ticket to Florida, etc. The guy who bought her the trip has never gotten any from her. He initiates conversation (mostly online) all the time and tries to set up times to "hang out." I know for a fact she is not interested in him, and I'm sure it's because he is precisely what plan9 tells us not to be. Oh, also, when she was considering the trip to FL, I convinced her to go visit and to take the free ticket. I think that was a good move and gave me a few points, instead of acting all "stay here with me" even though that's what I actually wanted. Last edited by Andy; 01-27-2004 at 11:24 AM..