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Oh man you have opened up a HUGE can o' worms here. Some of my favorites.....
I may not be totally perfect but parts of me are excellent.
Copernicus just called...you are NOT the center of the universe.
(The Fraser Show...Fraser)
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. (Mark Twain)
Never drink and drive...it's far cheaper to hire a cab than a lawyer.
What matters in life is not the number of breaths you take, but the moments in life that take your breath away.
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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!
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