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Pee a little on your sandwich. Put it in the fridge, make a lunch for you to eat and hide it. The next day, do it again, only leave a note that says "I pissed on my sandwich yesterday."
Oh yeah, tell your boss or something too. Or get a miniature camera.
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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy
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