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Unless you actually saw the friend porking this other woman, you don't know, you only strongly suspect. I think you are within bounds if you speak to the friend about what you suspect, since it involves him - to gossip w/ others about suspicions, even if they are strong, and even if it's with your wife, is wrong and it's doubly so if it is destructive to others. Were it me, I'd speak to him, but ask him NOT to confirm or deny the cheating - if he tells you, then you do know for sure... Tough situation.
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