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PorscheBunny · 01-23-2004, 01:59 AM

I'm still awake, even though the alarm clock goes off in three hours. I can't sleep, too much buzzing in my head.

Background: Ten years with Miranda, broke up after I caught her cheating on me in April 2003. Miranda's brother Payne volunteered to be a sperm donor for a child for me. I accepted. Helen was born in July 2002. Started relationship with Payne in May 2003 (yes, three weeks after breaking up with his sister) despite good advice against it. Broke up in November by mutual agreement because we didn't want to expose Helen to the constant fighting.

After being apart for two months, Payne says he wants to try it again. He says much of the friction was due to his sister and how she went back on her word to him to be parent to Helen in his place, suddenly thrusting him into a position he wasn't ready for, financially or emotionally. He says he's got most of his money trouble straightened out, and after a lot of soul-searching he's finally ready to be a full-time father instead of a weekender and "wants to do the right time".

There were a lot of nasty fights. There were also a lot of really good sex after one of us (usually him) figured out they were wrong and apologized. We already have a tie for the next 16.5 years at least. I'm running up on 31, and the offers for a little fat redhead with a mule-headed disposition and an 18-month old in tow aren't exactly numerous. In-home help with Helen will be badly wanted, especially with the Terrible Twos closing fast.

Part of me wants to try it again, part of me doesn't, part of me is saying I needed to be objective and keep the emotions down, part is saying this is the heart's decision and keep the brain out of it, and one more part is saying that sleeping in a cold bed alone sucks.

After looking at the last paragraph objectively, I would tell someone else asking me what to do in the described spot to tell Loverboy to cool his jets for at least 6 more months and scrutinize his actions, even if it meant following him during his weekends to see if he is ready or if he is just trying to convince himself that he's ready.

You never realize how easy advice is to give until you're in a spot when advice is needed, and you can't give it to yourself.

I've got until Sunday at 6pm to figure out where to go from here. Maybe some sleep will help.

01-23-2004, 01:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
PorscheBunny Insane	Sleepless indecision I'm still awake, even though the alarm clock goes off in three hours. I can't sleep, too much buzzing in my head. Background: Ten years with Miranda, broke up after I caught her cheating on me in April 2003. Miranda's brother Payne volunteered to be a sperm donor for a child for me. I accepted. Helen was born in July 2002. Started relationship with Payne in May 2003 (yes, three weeks after breaking up with his sister) despite good advice against it. Broke up in November by mutual agreement because we didn't want to expose Helen to the constant fighting. After being apart for two months, Payne says he wants to try it again. He says much of the friction was due to his sister and how she went back on her word to him to be parent to Helen in his place, suddenly thrusting him into a position he wasn't ready for, financially or emotionally. He says he's got most of his money trouble straightened out, and after a lot of soul-searching he's finally ready to be a full-time father instead of a weekender and "wants to do the right time". There were a lot of nasty fights. There were also a lot of really good sex after one of us (usually him) figured out they were wrong and apologized. We already have a tie for the next 16.5 years at least. I'm running up on 31, and the offers for a little fat redhead with a mule-headed disposition and an 18-month old in tow aren't exactly numerous. In-home help with Helen will be badly wanted, especially with the Terrible Twos closing fast. Part of me wants to try it again, part of me doesn't, part of me is saying I needed to be objective and keep the emotions down, part is saying this is the heart's decision and keep the brain out of it, and one more part is saying that sleeping in a cold bed alone sucks. After looking at the last paragraph objectively, I would tell someone else asking me what to do in the described spot to tell Loverboy to cool his jets for at least 6 more months and scrutinize his actions, even if it meant following him during his weekends to see if he is ready or if he is just trying to convince himself that he's ready. You never realize how easy advice is to give until you're in a spot when advice is needed, and you can't give it to yourself. I've got until Sunday at 6pm to figure out where to go from here. Maybe some sleep will help. __________________ This post has been sanitized for your protection by the Ministry of Information of Oceania.