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Parkhurst · 01-21-2004, 07:23 AM

I really don't mean to offend here, but I feel that I should play devils advocate a little. While I think that all the noble feelings of duty are admirable they shouldn't form the basis of the relationship. I guess that what I am trying to say is that you should go into the relationship with your eyes open. There are worse things in life than having a loved one die. Like watching them suffer to the point where you wish that they would die so that they could be at peace. Worse yet would be the awful feeling of guilt that arises from such a realisation.

I can't comment on you as a person of course, and I wouldn't presume to know your heart or mind. However I think that you should only go into such a relationship if you really want to. You can't go into this because you feel that it is the 'right thing to do.' To not regret what wasn't done is one thing, but to regret having to watch someone die is quite another. There is always the chance that you may end up resenting the person that you are with and that opens up a whole new box of problems.

Also people who are dying can sometimes make demands on time that seem unreasonable to most. I would be wary of putting off my course to spend time with someone that has been given a year to live. What if they live longer (and lets hope that they do) and you have to put off the rest of your life again. I am not saying that you wouldn't do it gladly, but if it became a source of resentment how would you cope?

What if the relationship doesn't work out? Could you really tell her that it was over or would you try and stick it out until the end, which could make the both of you miserable.

These are just problems that might arise from such a relationship, which you should be thinking about. However that said I really don't mean to discourage you, just prepare you of some maybes. Perhaps I am a little over cautious here and you need not think about these issue, but the fact that you posted on the board makes me think that you would want to consider the whole picture.

The irony of the situation is that the best way to continue could be to go into the relationship as though nothing was wrong. Go away for your course, but expect to see the girl again, hopefully you will.

Apologies for the wispy tone of this post, but I don’t want to speak in absolutes when there are so many factors that I am not aware of.

I hope things play out well for you both, preferable better than expected.

01-21-2004, 07:23 AM	#25 (permalink)
Parkhurst Upright	I really don't mean to offend here, but I feel that I should play devils advocate a little. While I think that all the noble feelings of duty are admirable they shouldn't form the basis of the relationship. I guess that what I am trying to say is that you should go into the relationship with your eyes open. There are worse things in life than having a loved one die. Like watching them suffer to the point where you wish that they would die so that they could be at peace. Worse yet would be the awful feeling of guilt that arises from such a realisation. I can't comment on you as a person of course, and I wouldn't presume to know your heart or mind. However I think that you should only go into such a relationship if you really want to. You can't go into this because you feel that it is the 'right thing to do.' To not regret what wasn't done is one thing, but to regret having to watch someone die is quite another. There is always the chance that you may end up resenting the person that you are with and that opens up a whole new box of problems. Also people who are dying can sometimes make demands on time that seem unreasonable to most. I would be wary of putting off my course to spend time with someone that has been given a year to live. What if they live longer (and lets hope that they do) and you have to put off the rest of your life again. I am not saying that you wouldn't do it gladly, but if it became a source of resentment how would you cope? What if the relationship doesn't work out? Could you really tell her that it was over or would you try and stick it out until the end, which could make the both of you miserable. These are just problems that might arise from such a relationship, which you should be thinking about. However that said I really don't mean to discourage you, just prepare you of some maybes. Perhaps I am a little over cautious here and you need not think about these issue, but the fact that you posted on the board makes me think that you would want to consider the whole picture. The irony of the situation is that the best way to continue could be to go into the relationship as though nothing was wrong. Go away for your course, but expect to see the girl again, hopefully you will. Apologies for the wispy tone of this post, but I don’t want to speak in absolutes when there are so many factors that I am not aware of. I hope things play out well for you both, preferable better than expected. __________________ The unexamined life is not worth living.