Getting away from badgers, mushrooms, and snakes and back to the topic…
Quote:
Originally posted by analog
*shakes head at people's relentless need to categorize sexuality*
You are who you are. 'Lesbian' is a word, and a label. We all need to recognize that there is no "gay, bi, and straight", there are only our feelings.
Why do we all have to put a name on everything? 
|
Amen and send money.
Quote:
Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
Nothing wrong with experimenting. I don't see why some people feel the need to label themselves and then hold themselves under that label in order to maintain some sort of image. I don't know what she's trying to prove be swearing you to secrecy, but it's pretty silly if you think about it. Are her lesbian friends going to kick her out because she's touched a guy like a mother duck who won't raise a duckling that has been touched by humans? (I know that's an urban legend, but you get the idea)
|
Actually, it would be a legitmate concern of hers. Speaking from my own observances, she would lose about one-third of her lesbian friends because they would label her a "traitor". I don't know why, because it doesn't make sense to me, but it would happen.
Those of us who act on our urges for both sexes are more socially discriminated against than are gays in general, because have to put up with grief from both homophobes plus closed-minded gays and straights who have a problem with "queers who won't stick to our/their own kind." My estimation is that about one-third of the gay population and a significant number (probably about one-third as well) in the straight populace see bisexuals those who can't commit to one side or the other, who want our cake and eat it too, or are too spineless to decide who we really want.
She's probably fought long and hard to accept being lesbian. She's probably faced disownment from her family, discrimination at school and/or work, and being treated like a leper by longtime friends on her road to acceptance. To suddenly show up with a man on her arm would be treated by many as "I was just kidding, I was straight the whole time, just confused." Some will be more offended than they were when she announced her homosexuality. They will treat it as a slap in the face. "You mean we worked long and hard to learn to tolerate the idea of you loving another woman, and you go out and start sleeping with men. You know you could have decided to be normal to begin with and saved us a ton of heartache and grief."
Talk to her about it. Have her read this thread. She needs to know that she isn't the only one who has been in that position before. I find myself in that position every time I start a relationship, sometimes even when someone attractive of either sex walks by. She needs to know that if she decides to move forward with you, the only people she'll lose are those who she needed to lose anyway. Those who truly love her will still be there, and it'll take less time for them to adjust to her being bi than it did for her being lesbian.
BTW don't suggest a threesome to her. As any who has been in one more than one week knows, they aren't stable relationships and require a lot more maturity than most people can muster.