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Is she home alone all day? or with kids all day? You might get better results if you relieve her from her daily duties like take her out to a dinner for the two of you. THEN explain that when she brings her problems to you the moment you step in the door you feel attacked. I try very hard not to give hubby even a long rundown of my trials of the day when he gets home. I vent to other friends or my mother during the day so that I'm not desparate to share that in his face the moment he comes in the door. Also I try to let him have some time alone first things after he comes home. You'll have to ask him but I think he appreciates that. Maybe suggest that she can "nag" all she wants later but she needs to give you some space first thing when you get home so you can wind down and be ready to face her. If she can at least give you that then maybe she'll "cool off" too and you both can deal with each other better. Also don't ignore the possibility of a counselor - even for just a couple sessions. Us telling you here what can be done won't be the same as some impartial person hearing the story from both sides and helping you both understand each other and find common ground. Good Luck to you both.
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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma. 
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