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It has been my experience that the more commercial / franchise strip joints will allow you to do nothing but sit there with your hands to your sides or under your butt. That is fine w/ me, b/c I'm not in to groping strange women as much as I'm in to sitting back and admiring a very hot chick rubbing herself and grinding her body on me. Gives me some great material to think of when masterbating later.
In some of the more "colorful" strip joints, you can rub the girls' asses and tits, and sometimes suck their tits (e.g., Mons Venus in Tampa). I think in almost every strip joint, the goal of the lap dance (for both you and the stripper, who wants to keep you for additional songs so she can make more money) is to give you a good hard-on through rubbing through your clothes. This can make things a bit awkward when the song ends and it is time to head back to your seat.
Speaking of clothes, you asked about what to wear. I typically where khakis b/c it isn't as rough on the girls as jeans and you can get some good contact. The real perverts at the clubs wear nylon sweatpants.
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