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I *think* I get short periods of lucid dreaming some times, but I never intentionally cause them, and it never for any useful duration. All of a sudden I just realize that I am dreaming, and wonder what might be a cool thing to do next. It usually ends up involving sex with some random chick who just happens to be passing nearby in the dream, and/or waking up very quickly.
Now that I think about it, perhaps the actions taken in these dreams were not out of conscious will, but induced by the dream itself, just like the belief that I was dreaming may have been part of the dream. That makes things... not very lucid at all.
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You do not use a Macintosh, instead you use a Tandy
Kompressor break your glowstick, Kompressor eat your candy
Kompressor open jaws, Kompressor release ants
Kompressor watch you scream, Because Kompressor does not dance
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