The thing is I think you know the answer- read these again:
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While, in fact, she has done things that help me create these connections, they are all my own.
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As I poet I knew this when I wrote poems about her comparing the freckles on her body to the constellations in the sky.
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Perhaps it is that tension between wanting unity between myself and the Other and the realization that the unity will never be absolute that creates the mountain of creative energy for me.
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Now I am looking to find as much unity within myself as I can and finding plenty of tension there to feed my poetry.
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You are really saying that you are the creator of your life- others come along to "help" you create your life. You hold unity of all things within yourself, you do not need to rely on a SO for that. I am a poet as well, and there were times where I would focus on the other person as a means of inspiration for writing, but most of my words came from the inspiration flowing inside of me, seeming to be coming from the middle of nowhere. What you can try to do is go to a public place- coffee shop, park, street corner- and be inspired from the observation of strangers close-by and at a distance. It is always fun, because there is an imaginitive, endless burst of inspiration out there just by observing nature or other people. That won't hinder the other person and it won't seem selfish.
Know that the inspiration is within EVERYTHING and EVERYONE- don't limit yourself.