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Quints · 01-04-2004, 03:56 PM

I am quite the young one so be prepared to deal with my immature, nervous ranting. Now before I go on this huge tangent I want to warn you all that this is nothing but typical high school drama and I am well aware it will most likely mean very little in the long run. This thing also isn't sexual but this is the only place I felt it was appropriate. If you people could give me some advice and guidance on this whole thing it would be greatly appreciated; I think some advice from outsiders that aren't in high school would help me.
Ok, so in middle school I met this girl. Throughout 7th and 8th grade we pretty much dated without the titles(and by dated I don't mean we actually went anywhere it was just the typical naive youth relationship). She was different than any girl I had ever liked, she was outgoing, she spoke her mind, she was beautiful, and she was the first girl I talked to that wasn't shy to talk to me. Most girls at the time chose to girl at you from 20 feet away while surrounded by their friends as opposed to just coming up and saying "hey, I like you". Anyway, I was scared to ask her out so at the end of 7th grade I learned she was going out with this 8th grader. I was crushed, it was the first, and to date, only time I ever cried over a girl. During that summer we continued to talk and it seemed nothing had changed. They broke up at the beginning of 8th grade and we continued our little fling, and once again I didn't ask her out. In mid 8th grade year she once again went out with the same older guy. That was too much for me to handle. I am aware that it was partly my fault for not commiting but I felt hurt that she had expressed(in my opinion) these feelings for me and then turned around and went out with another guy. I stopped talking to her, looking at her, I pretended she didn't exist; it was my way of dealing with it at the time. So for two years, 9th and 10th grade, I didn't speak to her. Then, last summer, I came in from hanging out with my friends and there was a note by the phone that read "(Girl) called for you", and I about lost it. You see, despite my attempts to get over her by ignoring her, the truth was I was in love with her, and had been for the past 3 years. So the next day I try to call the number 3 times and got nothing. I'm on AIM that night(isn't IM a great way to puss out of expressing your feelings in person) and I see she's on, so I go up to her and tell her I tried to call her and I asked what she wanted. It turns out that she never called and someone had pranked me(I've told a few people how I felt about her and we don't stand on the best terms so it isn't that unlikely) So I'm a bit down but we started talking again, and we did so all summer. I told her how I had felt the past 4 years and my reasonign for being an asshole among other things that had long been in need of discussion.
So 11th grade year starts and we're still talking. After classes she comes to my locker and we talk for a few minutes, but since she's not in any of my classes that's all the face time I get with her. So I've brought up the idea of hanging out on the weekend sometime a number of different times(something that is out of character for me as I am relatively shy) and each time she seems into it, and I have told her many times that I want her to be honest with me about everything so she shouldn't hesitate to just say "you know, I don't really want to". Each time the approximate date has come around things get fucked up and we never end up doing anything. The latest has been over Christmas break and she unexpectedly had to work. Now I am not mad that she had to work, I am upset that each time I try to get together with her it seems like she doesn't want to but she wont tell me. I don;t want to turn into "that annoying guy" that won't leave her alone. I also am I bit freaked out because I have very slight feelings for another girl that I met this year, which is strange because I couldnt get over the original girl for 2 years and then when I actually get a second chance my heart decides it's ready. Now I put these other feelings down because I have a feelings, while this girl is cool, she's just a flirt. So I decided a few weeks ago to focus on the original girl and put all other possible feelings out. I felt really guilty about just the chance of liking someone else when earlier that year I had told the original girl how much I liked, and do like, her. The problem is, while there are many things that this girl does to indicate she likes me too, her putting off getting together has me questioning my judgement. I never woud have asked if I felt the girl didn't like me too, that's not my style. So I just need some perspective on this whole mess to try and set my heart(and mind) straight. Sorry about the length, I'll be amazed if anyone actually reads all my whiney bullshit, but thanks to those who do.

01-04-2004, 03:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
Quints Upright	Some needed perspective I am quite the young one so be prepared to deal with my immature, nervous ranting. Now before I go on this huge tangent I want to warn you all that this is nothing but typical high school drama and I am well aware it will most likely mean very little in the long run. This thing also isn't sexual but this is the only place I felt it was appropriate. If you people could give me some advice and guidance on this whole thing it would be greatly appreciated; I think some advice from outsiders that aren't in high school would help me. Ok, so in middle school I met this girl. Throughout 7th and 8th grade we pretty much dated without the titles(and by dated I don't mean we actually went anywhere it was just the typical naive youth relationship). She was different than any girl I had ever liked, she was outgoing, she spoke her mind, she was beautiful, and she was the first girl I talked to that wasn't shy to talk to me. Most girls at the time chose to girl at you from 20 feet away while surrounded by their friends as opposed to just coming up and saying "hey, I like you". Anyway, I was scared to ask her out so at the end of 7th grade I learned she was going out with this 8th grader. I was crushed, it was the first, and to date, only time I ever cried over a girl. During that summer we continued to talk and it seemed nothing had changed. They broke up at the beginning of 8th grade and we continued our little fling, and once again I didn't ask her out. In mid 8th grade year she once again went out with the same older guy. That was too much for me to handle. I am aware that it was partly my fault for not commiting but I felt hurt that she had expressed(in my opinion) these feelings for me and then turned around and went out with another guy. I stopped talking to her, looking at her, I pretended she didn't exist; it was my way of dealing with it at the time. So for two years, 9th and 10th grade, I didn't speak to her. Then, last summer, I came in from hanging out with my friends and there was a note by the phone that read "(Girl) called for you", and I about lost it. You see, despite my attempts to get over her by ignoring her, the truth was I was in love with her, and had been for the past 3 years. So the next day I try to call the number 3 times and got nothing. I'm on AIM that night(isn't IM a great way to puss out of expressing your feelings in person) and I see she's on, so I go up to her and tell her I tried to call her and I asked what she wanted. It turns out that she never called and someone had pranked me(I've told a few people how I felt about her and we don't stand on the best terms so it isn't that unlikely) So I'm a bit down but we started talking again, and we did so all summer. I told her how I had felt the past 4 years and my reasonign for being an asshole among other things that had long been in need of discussion. So 11th grade year starts and we're still talking. After classes she comes to my locker and we talk for a few minutes, but since she's not in any of my classes that's all the face time I get with her. So I've brought up the idea of hanging out on the weekend sometime a number of different times(something that is out of character for me as I am relatively shy) and each time she seems into it, and I have told her many times that I want her to be honest with me about everything so she shouldn't hesitate to just say "you know, I don't really want to". Each time the approximate date has come around things get fucked up and we never end up doing anything. The latest has been over Christmas break and she unexpectedly had to work. Now I am not mad that she had to work, I am upset that each time I try to get together with her it seems like she doesn't want to but she wont tell me. I don;t want to turn into "that annoying guy" that won't leave her alone. I also am I bit freaked out because I have very slight feelings for another girl that I met this year, which is strange because I couldnt get over the original girl for 2 years and then when I actually get a second chance my heart decides it's ready. Now I put these other feelings down because I have a feelings, while this girl is cool, she's just a flirt. So I decided a few weeks ago to focus on the original girl and put all other possible feelings out. I felt really guilty about just the chance of liking someone else when earlier that year I had told the original girl how much I liked, and do like, her. The problem is, while there are many things that this girl does to indicate she likes me too, her putting off getting together has me questioning my judgement. I never woud have asked if I felt the girl didn't like me too, that's not my style. So I just need some perspective on this whole mess to try and set my heart(and mind) straight. Sorry about the length, I'll be amazed if anyone actually reads all my whiney bullshit, but thanks to those who do.