Mantus

Shakran,

You are misunderstanding me. I am in no way advocating that parents should let their children be left to raise themselves. I am saying those random searches and other punitive and rather childish behavior on the part of the parent are the result of bad parenting. If these people bothered raising their kids right they would not have to resort to such desperate and in-effective actions.

Parents who have failed to do the job right for a certain part of their child’s upbringing usually resort to two options: either they use fear in an attempt to scare their child straight, or they become totally passive.

It is obvious that doing nothing doesn’t fix anything, but neither does instilling fear. It is common knowledge that a person who fears will not cross the one they fear. Yet the minute one becomes weak the fear dissipates and victim will takes advantage to have their revenge. Hence a child that fears the parent will behave in their presence. The moment the parent is not looking the child will do all those things their parents disallow to gain their revenge. Such actions are often discovered by the parent (often because the child wants to be discovered), which results in further punitive actions. As such the cycle often continues and escalates without solving the real problem, which is a poor parenting.

The only way to raise children is to gain their trust, respect and friendship. A person who is friends with another will not cross them when their friend is in a weakened position. Hence a child who respects their parent will not purposefully seek to disobey them.

Of course having a child’s respect and friendship is not enough. One still has to raise the child. Provide them with morals, wisdom, guidance and an education. This is what so many modern-day parent fail to realize. Gaining respect, friendship and trust of one’s child is just a small step in the real job of parenting.

I hope this clears up my point of view.