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I am incredibly afraid of death, not just my own but that of the people I love. I cannot say goodbye easily and I am enough of a control freak to want to be able to hold it back or choose when it will happen.
Suicide is always at the back of my mind, as a solution when things get bad. But if I would ever have the courage to actually do it, who knows?
I am an atheist and often envy people that believe in an afterlife, it must be so comforting. But I cannot delude myself into believing it is real and the idea of nothingness, of not existing at all, is very scary to me.
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