chavos

wrote a long answer a few days ago. acciedentally deleted it. must have been divine providence.

okay. here goes again.

I was raised to be somewhat religious…starting with Presbyterian church, and then Unitarian, then Episcopal. But by a young age, I wasn’t taking it seriously. For instance…it didn’t make sense to think that the world was created in six days…I had found fossils myself. I began to read the bible…and by the time I hit Leviticus, I was sold on atheism.

Mainly, I couldn’t stand the injustice. People were supposed to blindly accept judegments that I found harsh and wrong. I hated the idea of hell, and I hated the idea of a God that was interested in having billions of ass kissing slaves.

Spent years that way. Second year of college, I got homesick. For the comfort, the ritual, the community. And so I started to seek…but afraid that it would cost me my intellect, my honesty, and my own moral sense.

Reading several theologians, especially R. Rev. John Spong, I came to see I didn’t have to be afraid of that. Believing in God was not about literalism, fundamentalism, or closing my eyes in the least. It was about being absolutely open and honest with heart, mind and soul.

Betrand Russell spoke of his convictions:

I think that says a lot about my life as well. From a young age, my mother remarked at my ability to feel pain…not just in myself, but in others, to empathize with what they felt. So I have to see sin in the world…I see people being hurt, badly. I see things that simply must be evil, for they hurt so much. But what compassion I have with in me sings when I see grace. There is indeed evil, and it has been judged wrong. But in the same moment, grace opens a path to reconciliation and repair. Its not about hell if I don’t believe…it about how separation from God has hurt, and how my reconciliation has brought me so much life. Its not about blindly accepting scriptures….its about living through a relationship with them. They are artifacts of faith, not idols. Its about the unimaginable love it takes to repair this broken world…but still having hope that it will someday be done.

I’m now strongly considering ministry as my calling. I have felt such life in dedicating myself to the study and relationship of scripture, and in the community…and I cannot help but feel that this is what I am meant to do.

As a postscript…I don’t regret spending time outside the church…I needed to do that to open myself to a relationship with God that was not mediated by a hierarchy, rules or dogmas. There are so many that are kept outside the church…by rejection, fear and pride. I’ve gone through that death. And I’ve come trhough it in to life. And perhaps I’m going to be able to help others do the same-the institutional church has to die to what it thinks is Christianity. Currently, it is full of the sin of separation-pulling itself away from people because they are “unclean.” They need to be shown that they can give that up, and find a meaningful, life giving Christian faith. Those already excluded need to be welcomed home. There’s a lot of work to do, but I’m glad I can do something. Jewish thought has the idea of “tikkun olam.” It translates to healing the world, or finishing creation. God has called us in to relationship to help with the great work of creating, redeeming and loving the world. We have but to respond.

Sorta long winded…but I hope that sheds some light.