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requested by dtheriault : Lone Ranger
A teacher cautiously approached the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realized Little Johnny's
propensity for sexual innuendo. But Little Johnny remained attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asked for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raised his hand,
"I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."
"Very good, William," cooed the teacher.
"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, Little Johnny raised his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher called on him.
"I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled,
"And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
"That will teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
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Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says,
"Put that away, Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play." Johnny whimpers and says,
"There's no one to play with." Trying to placate him, she says,
"OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" He says,
"I wanna play Mommie and Daddy." Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says,
"Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says,
"You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation Mom goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up
the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. His mother raises her head and says,
"What do I do now?" In a gruff manner, Johnny says,
"Get your fuckin' lazy butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"
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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry
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